#systxt

is liking a tumblr update blasphemous? probably. anyway, yeah, we'll prob be around again.

(Sys//meds DNI this post isn’t for you)

I’ve collected these in hopes of understanding but if anyone involved wants these to be removed please feel free to message/ask me and I’ll edit this post to only include the description

Looking around here’s what I can find on “monoconscious”, and I’m still a bit confused, but perhaps someone can help figure it out.

(Via @plural-culture-is )

(Via @mirroard )

(Via @taucetilapidarym )

So the traits are

-One, shared collective consciousness, which in this context means one awareness I think?

I originally assumed this meant that everyone shared awareness, and that therefore front-consciousness boundaries were stricter, but instead it seems to be that the boundaries shift fluidly?

-No individual consciousness

Which in this case means that only the fronter holds awareness, I think? And therefore headspace is either very difficult to conceptualize or nonexistent?

-Switches fade between each other

I did see some discussion that this is most common in OSDD1b systems.

On one hand I relate to some of this a lot - especially with us being OSDD1b - but on the other there are some aspects I’m a bit confused about.

I think the first/major source of my confusion is how the term “consciousness” is used; maybe I would understand better if it were “awareness”? In our case, yes, we generally only have awareness of front, and can only vaguely sense anything ‘behind’ without someone cofront. Though I guess I associate ‘consciousness’ with ‘ability to independently think and act’, which because we have different thought patterns and actions I don’t think of that as a shared consciousness. And though we (mostly) share memories and (mostly) don’t have hard dissociative barriers, I guess we still personally consider our different selves to be different consciousnesses.

That’s just a matter of semantics so I’m not really worried about it. I’m curious though if our experience with “awareness” is similar among systems which identify as monoconscious: “awareness” is - if you think about the Sims (if you’ve played it) - whoever is “on screen” - for example if I’m fronting, I can move the “awareness camera” onto someone in headspace and then even though they weren’t really fully aware of what was happening until then, now that it’s on them, they become aware. So, if I’m fronting, I can highlight Josh in headspace and then he’ll be aware he’s doing something. Even though I’m the one at the moment controlling “awareness” (to a degree), it doesn’t belong to me, it ‘belongs’ to front, so whoever is fronting can use it. (Or maybe - whoever is capable of using it at the moment is fronting? I think maybe it IS the determinant of who is front, because even when we are all in headspace there’s usually someone who has the awareness camera, and they can pass it around if they want.)

I’m not sure how much we actually do individually without the ‘awareness camera’ - I think we probably do something sometimes, but we aren’t aware, so we don’t know. And we have our own mental processes running - even if at low energy when not “aware” - because random things the fronter encounters will “ping” someone who is partially conscious at the time and draw them forward. Is this something experienced by monoconscious systems as well? (I just haven’t seen if so.)

I think I would be less confused if I weren’t a median subsystem; if I were just “me”, then the monoconscious label would be pretty straightforward I think. But as a median subsystem I experience the following:

-Only one of us is ‘active’ at any given time, and the others are not at all active, not aware or conscious, don’t have background thought.*

-The only reason I know that we are separate to a degree is that when I become one of my facets, they no longer feel they are any of the other facets, they have different memories, and sometimes different gender identities.

-We all collectively are the “same” person, in that we all identify as the one individual (and when I, the ‘base’ fragment, am the one active, I do identify as all of the others to a degree, just none of them identify as any of the others, but even when they don’t identify as the others they all know they are the others. Also this subsystem has no headspace because only one of us more or less exists at one time, we can’t manifest separately.*)

Basically: that experience seems to fit “monoconscious” better than the overall system’s experience because there’s a complete lockout until a switch happens (which absolutely feels like “becoming”, to the point I tend to use otherkin terms like ‘facet shifting’ to describe it instead of ‘facet switching’). But maybe the confusion comes because other monoconscious systems, despite having this experience, are (sometimes) still separate enough to communicate or be completely different people? Or even just a matter of identifying as separate? I’m not sure.

Basically: the label almost fits us, but also doesn’t. It probably does completely fit my subsystem, but maybe being a median subsystem makes that understanding a bit funky?

Of course it should be reiterated: we have no problem with monoconscious systems, we are glad you have a term to help describe your experiences! We are just trying to make sense of it through our own ‘almost, but not quite’ experiences and perhaps a difference in terminology we use.

The older your body gets, the more headmates/alters/members you will have.

This is normal and does not mean you’re faking or that you’re somehow regressing in your mental health, or recovery, or internal stability, or anything.

People grow and change and that includes your system. It’s normal to grow in system size. Regardless of how your system came to be it’s normal for it to grow.

If it doesn’t, don’t worry - it’s not required to grow in size, and that’s fine. But if it does grow, don’t be ashamed or upset - that’s normal.

It took me by surprise and caused me to act unkindly towards some of my sysmates at first because I didn’t understand that we were growing. Our life changes, our situation changes, and even when those changes are gradual they can increase the count of system members! It took me a long time to recognize that, but it makes a lot of sense now to me. And it’s improved my relationship with those I was terse to when I was just angry that we were growing in size because I didn’t understand that it was natural.