#sxfstuck

Rose is leading a double life as Dr. Rose-Noelle Dolion, a mild-mannered psychologist, and Agent Cestus, the Dersite spy. She hasn't gone by Lalonde since she was 16.

Kanaya is leading a double life as herself, a mild-mannered tailor, and Auxiliatrix, the Prospitian bounty hunter sent to hunt down rogue agents and bring them back dead or alive.

Vriska is leading a double life as Ms. Vris, a (not very) mild-mannered librarian and Agent Arachnid, the Prospitian spy gone rogue. She hasn't gone by her legal name since she was 16.

June is not leading a double life. She is civilian June Egbert, family to the Crocker Empire and socialite by day, stand up comedian by night. She is very insistent that being a comedian counts as a double life.

OH BOY is it a DOOZY

so here's the thing about the spy au. because almost everyone has a secret identity it turns what might've been a love triangle or love trapezoid into a love dohexahedra. to give a very simple summary

DR ROSE-NOELLE (formerly Rose Lalonde, secretly Agent Cestus) is currently infiltrating the prestigious Prospitian Yellow Yard private school system, where she meets LADY FISHER (secretly Feferi, the runaway new ruler of Derse), a well-established Prospitian socialite who appears to have dirt and some vendetta against Crocker, leading to Rose deciding to seduce her, which leads to Unintended Feelings but--

OH NO! Rose is ALSO crushing on the cute tailor up the street, Kanaya Maryam! But alas, it's a crush she must let go of, since Kanaya is a Civilian (she isn't) and also holding Amorous Affection toward the offputting local librarian, Ms Vriska! And they're starting to date! Thankfully, she can take her mind off of it by trying to keep her newest mission alive, but alas! That also leads to Unexpected Feelings! How was she supposed to know that Agent Arachnid (secretly Vriska) could be strangely charming in a bitey, pathetic way while she's trying not to die by the Prospitian bounty hunter Auxiliatrix's (secretly Kanaya's) hand! And then Agent Cestus (Rose) has to contend with the fact that these may be the beginning sparks of Jealousy, seeing how Agent Arachnid and Auxiliatrix dance around each other, as if Arachnid doesn't want the game to end just yet...

Meanwhile Auxiliatrix wants desperately to just kill this fool Agent Arachnid because she's been so sleep deprived during her dates with her darling Vriska during the day! But then Agent Cestus appears to make things even harder, but Auxiliatrix can't help but find her strangely alluring... an intellectual equal...... it reminds her of the old flame who gave her the mission in the first place........ an old flame which seems on the verge of rekindling as Agent Gallows (secretly Terezi) becomes more and more vulnerable about her previous relationship with the rogue Agent Arachnid! But every time Kanaya feels she's getting close, Agent Gallows pulls away

and Terezi makes at least a cursory glance at trying to make Karkat fall in love with her, but that ship's long since sailed, and even if they were together, there's no way he'd ever give up the true identities of all of his contacts. Shame! Well, at least there's this cute comic artist/mail girl who comes around, who even indulges Terezi whenever she wants to do roleplay! Nepeta's sweet, lovable, and a Civilian (she's not)- so maybe some normalcy is what Terezi's thinking she craves... meanwhile Nepeta (secretly Dersite Agent Arsenic) sees Terezi flirting and becomes conflicted... because she's been exchanging letters with Agent Gallows of the Prospitian side for a while now, even outsie of the work correspondence, and she thinks she might be in love with her! But oh no! Does she also like Terezi.....??

But she doesn't have time to dwell on it, because Equius (alias Charon, the Dersite death machine builder) is falling in love, and the poor dude needs all the help he can get! His feelings for that weirdo arms dealer Mr. Angelo (secretly Eridan, Feferi's right hand) still confuses the hell out of her, but there seems to be some more tension that he isn't saying.... And Charon, looking over the perfectly edited autopsy reports he's received from the ghostly mortician A, able to even determine the cause of a robot's demise, sends his heart aflutter.... and besides, Mr. Angelo is a civilian, and a higher-ranking one at that... and the telegrams from Eridan Ampora have been really getting under his skin, making it so hard to have time alone!

Mr. Angelo meanwhile sees Dr Rose-Noelle as his rival in love to Lady Fisher, until he starts suspecting that she might ACTUALLY be Feferi, but he doesn't want to Outright Accuse because the consequences of getting it wrong are politically pretty fucking dire, so as his investigation shifts his amorous affections begin to shift toward Dr. Rose-Noelle... which is a fantastic distraction, since Agent Cestus has been a Right Pain in his ass, not getting Agent Arachnid out of Auxiliatrix's way fast enough for his tastes.......

and that's not even getting into TurnTech (secretly Dave) falling for Dr. Harley (secretly Jade) while Jade pines after Dr Rose-Noelle, and Dave also falling for John, who's secret identity is a comedian and therefore does not enter the equation.

Using the example of Rose/Agent Cestus, Kanaya/Auxiliatrix, and Vriska/Agent Arachnid:

HUMANSTUCK: Dr. Rose has a crush on Kanaya, who has a crush on Vriska. After Vriska warms up and they start dating, Rose is left a bit put out, but takes her mind off of it by throwing herself into her spy job as Agent Cestus, where she immediately starts having romantic tension with the rogue Agent Arachnid (secretly Vriska), who she must protect from Auxiliatrix (secretly Kanaya), who has been trying to kill her every night. Auxiliatrix starts having romantic tension with Agent Cestus while hating Agent Arachnid's guts, because Arachnid refusing to die means she's Exhausted on dates with Vriska, which causes her to become guilty of finding Agent Cestus (secretly Rose) so alluring...