#switchingmeds

During this process, I’m going to read your word and journal every night no matter how tired (or how late). What goes through my mind during the day and when I’m alone at night… dreams when I remember them… stuff like that. All this because I don’t want to just go through it without thinking about it… I want you on this journey with me.

But very quickly, it became hard to keep up with everything I was going through. Thoughts started being fleeting, emotional tidal waves were as intense as they were fleeting, staying grounded in the here and now was near impossible because, as you can see, every day (or every other hour) was a crap shoot. It looks less like a journal and more like a list right? That’s evidence of my drastically reduced attention span - I had written this in a mad rush before I lost track of my thoughts again.

Lena prayed over me on the way out and all I could think about at the time was how I’ve only ever been one to pray about the emotional things. Praying for people, myself, over my internal struggles. Not that I don’t give You credit for when miracles do happen but things like healing cancer or broken bones overnight always sounded silly to me. Probably because I’m a woman of science: how the body works is absolute. Maybe its because I’ve always been healthy that I take this part of You for granted.