its been a while since i cried over a filipino song,,, ang sakit bwiset and when i was reading paubaya i started remembering the mv,,, my gahd pinaiyak mo ko friend kahit na di relatable sakin lol good job!! i really like it!!
I feel you omg!! I literally cried for 10 mins straight bc of the song, it’s just rlly powerful, I told my followers that i watched it and that they were going down with me lol!!
I kinda made it so it was rlly sad— but I didn’t know people would cry from it- I kinda feel bad lmao
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[Author Note: I watched the Paubaya music video, I suffered bad, so you guys are going down with me :)) Jean stans, sorry in advance <3]
Summary: you and Jean had a happy relationship, so what went so wrong? You both never knew until you both got the closure you need at the very same church you left Jean standing at the altar. (It’s kinda a songfic? The original song was in filipino so i translated it.)
Female Reader.
Recommended Song: Paubaya by Moira Dela Torre.
Theme: Angst, Breakup, Modern AU.
Pairings: Jean x Reader.
TW: breaking up, swearing, crying. (Can’t rlly tell if this is cheating because the song is rlly just about ghosting someone and forgiving, I’ll put it in anyway.) cheating.
Jean had no idea why he kept coming back to the same church. He had no reason to, and here he was sitting in once of the polished benches. Churches were supposed to give you hope, it was where people gave prayers of all kinds. He’d never hate a building so much.
Where did everything started to change, when was I not enough anymore?
It was nearing midnight, the church will soon close and Jean’s finding it so hard to stand, he was soon the only one left inside the marble building. It was warm due to the candles that lit the altar in the front, he could see the ghost of you standing up front with him, a reminiscent feeling washed over him, god you looked so beautiful that time.
Why didn’t you tell me from the start, I’m the one you needed but not the one you love?
He couldn’t help but shed a tear, the white lace caressed your skin so beautifully, he was so awestruck on how your hair fell perfectly on your face. He was so whipped, and he wasn’t afraid to show it, he could remember how he reached his hand out, connecting with yours as your father passed you onto Jean’s hand. He pulled you in front of the altar, holding your hand tightly.
If only he knew how much you didn’t want to do this.
Where did my love lack, I gave everything just to make you smile.
He had so many things he dreamed of doing with you, it was a shame it would never happen, he gave it up, so many things he gave up just to keep you in his arms, but when did you start falling out of love? Jean watched as the ghosts of your supposed happiest day faded from him eyes, leaving him alone in that church.
Why didn’t I see you don’t want us anymore, I’m the one you’re with, but you’re looking for him.
He missed you so much, a year went by so fast, a second you were stargazing with him, and the next, he’s alone, reminiscing on something long gone. Jean doesn’t even know where you are anymore, god knows if you’re having the most fun in your life, he’s hoping you are though.
And if you’re happy with his company, I won’t insist no more.
Jean wonders if you were to go through with your wedding, would you be happy? He looked at his watch, 11:03 pm, it read. A sigh left his mouth as a hand ran through his ash grey-brunette hair. He remembers all the things you did in your relationship, a smile unconsciously planting itself into his lips.
All I wish for him is to never make you cry, and to take care of you.
He could remember when you and him went on a trip to have a picnic, your were smiling the biggest that day, he could still remember how the sun showered you both in warm gold, Jean felt like he remembered that one moment like it was yesterday. His hands ran up his arms, trying to replicate the same warmth you gave him when you jumped into his arms that day.
Where did the faithfulness stopped, every time you say you loved me?
Where did it all go so wrong, why couldn’t Jean hear you didn’t want to do this anymore? God, why were you so silent? He knew could never blame you, even if he tried hard to, you weren’t at fault, at all. Everyone breaks out of phases, relationships all the time, but damn it, it fucking hurts.
It wasn’t your fault, neither of you. Jean never blamed you, he hopes you don’t blame him either. Maybe he lacked in something. He doesn’t know what, it was just something. Maybe you knew?
Why didn’t you admit that there’s somebody else? I’m the one you embraced, but you’re thinking of him.
Jean laughed at his state, he felt dumb thinking of something that happened a year ago. He felt his eyes tear up as his laughter died down, why is it still painful? it hurts so bad, he needs to let go, god it’s hurting him so bad. Jean laughed through his tears as he tried his best to wipe them away from his vision.
He moped no longer and stood up from his spot, walking towards the altar one more time.
Why didn’t I think, that there’s a finale?
He could hear footsteps coming up to the front of the church, he turned around to walk away, when he saw you, the girl he’s been hurting over, bad. Jean thought it was just a figment of his imagination until you stood in front of him, his nose picked up your familiar scent. He knew you were standing in front of him, the real you.
“Hi..Jean..” You looked up at him, a similar pain in your eyes, matching his.
Jean couldn’t speak, he felt he was gonna sob if he even spoke a word. You took it as a sign to continue what you wanted to say. “I..I’m sorry.”
“God, I’m so sorry..Jean.” Jean’s eyes widened slightly. You could feel your eyes sting with tears, as your throat started to close, a familiar feeling. You recognized it as you starting to breakdown.
“I, am so sorry,” your voice starts to quiver, “I got tired. I’m sorry I had to disappear.” Jean turned his gaze to the side, feeling himself start to tear up. “I tried, jean. I really did.” your gaze was long on the floor. “I gave you everything, I truly did, I was just emptied.”
“I’m sorry that I hurt you.”
Jean felt himself sigh, his sigh was shaky, and he felt himself take a big gulp, “I’m sorry.” He found his voice to say something. You stood before him, your gaze was on the floor, feeling too shameful to look at the eyes of the one you used to be in love with.
He continued either way, “I’m sorry..that I wasn’t there when you needed me.” Jean forced himself to muster the courage to say what he needed to say, he needed to, for both of you. “I’m sorry if I didn’t protect you.”
“fuck, I didn’t even get to protect you.” Jean’s voice started to pitch, he felt a tear run down his cheek. “I got scared.” You looked up at him, “I was so scared.”Jean confessed his fear of not being good enough for you and the relationship. “But, I wanted to be there, Reader, I really did. I wanted to be there when you were hurting so badly.” Jean ran a hand down his face to rid of the itch from the cold wind hitting his wet cheeks.
He could start to hear your sniffles and your attempt to try your best not to sob right then and there. “But, I wasn’t.” Jean laughed through his shaky voice. “Maybe because, I was slowly realizing that..we weren’t meant to be with each other.”
You tried to smile through your pain, an attempt of a smile was on your face as you quivered, “We tried, right?” Jean looked at your face, tracing over every small feature. “We gave it out best fight, right?” You asked. Hopeful, that he too believed you both did your best, trying hard to keep the relationship together between you.
Jean gave a painful smile back, nodding. “Yeah, we tried.” You sniffled, wiping your tears, fiddling with your hands. “I uhm..wanted to thank you for the memories you made with me,” Jean confessed, a pained smile still on his face. “Even if we couldn’t do what we always dreamed of doing.”
“I’m happy with the life you shared with me.” You wiped your tears away, listening entirely to Jean and him only. Not the buzzing silence, not the wind outside swaying the trees. Just him.
“I’m..happy that, you’re happy.” You looked at the side, trying to catch a breath, even if it’s hard to do so, with every breath you took taunting you to let out the sob you keep supressing. “I want you to be happy, too.” You confessed, looking at him. He felt relief, maybe because you both needed to talk this out, or maybe finally feeling like you could both let go of the things you kept holding on about each other.
Your eyes closed shut as you whispered out, “Thank you.” Jean reciprocated with a thank you of his own. You hiccuped, a line of thank you’s coming out of your mouth, maybe from the fact that you’ve finally told him and you’re finally getting the closure you needed.
You felt comfortable enough to reach out for his hands, those same hands that held you during the coldest nights. He welcomed you into his hands once again. Your gazes met each other once again, as one hand cupped your cheek and the other cupped both of yours.
“Oh, God.” The overwhelming feeling of nostalgia and hurt started to resurface and slowly start to fade away, as he glanced up. He could feel your smooth skin, his fingertips caressing it ever so gently. “I want you to know, that I forgive you.” He mumbled out, making sure the moment of intimacy were for both you and him only. “I forgive you, too.” You replied, holding on the hands that held your face lovingly.
You felt your head become weak as you cried into his shoulder, relief coming out. You felt so relieve that he forgives you for the pain you’ve caused him, you couldn’t believe that such a wonderful man was once yours.
Jean looked at you as if it was the last time you’ll see each other, and it probably was. He scanned over every single detail, every speck of light in your eyes, he wiped the tears that cascaded down those beautiful eyes of yours.
And for one last time, laid a gentle kiss on your cheek. before he nuzzled himself into your neck, holding you tightly. He pulled back, “I need to go..” You looked at him with pleading eyes and mumbling incoherent pleas. “I need to..” He felt like he was going to break if he stayed a second longer.
“Take care of yourself.”
You nodded and sighed, starting to pull away, Jean planted his lips one more time on your forehead, his beard tickling your face, before he started to pull away from you. You looked at him one last time, also trying your hardest to memorize his face.
I was the first, but he is the last.
With every step Jean took, he felt the guilt and the burden become lighter, he knew both of you needed to let go, and god had given both of you one last time to recieve that closure.
And it can really be seen in your eyes, why he’s the one you chose.
You wiped your tears away, watching as Jean left you alone in the church you both used to hate so much, and for once, you could see the ghost of your past self leaving with him.
I can’t go against your destiny,
both of you had to let go, and with this, you needed to release the burden of still being in pain, both of your guys’ pain and hurt are no longer’s each other burden, you realize that it’s okay to entrust things to fate and destiny.
But, I forgive you.
Jean knew you and him forgave each other, and that finally releases the heavy weight of pain and guilt both of you held, you both feel like you could breath so freely, and even if you both won’t see each other again, at least, you both got to hold each other one last time.
I’m setting you free.
Jean was happy that he no longer has to feel chained up to your guys’ relationship, and you were happy that you no longer have to deal with the guilt of causing Jean pain and leaving him unanswered. Jean’s footsteps faded away softly, as you stood in the church, crying your final feelings out.
I’m letting you go, and entrusting everything to him.
