#svtvres

It absolutely does have a tinge of that healing and new beginnings concept but for me, it goes a bit deeper too.

(for clarity Toki's power affected magnus based on his desire to 'save' magnus but bc it's a crazy untapped uncontrollable god power powered by the doomstar, it overshot and didn't just stop at bringing him back to life.)

I think that Magnus in this fic is constantly beset by things he absolutely does not want - but ends up having to learn to live with and growing and changing as he learns to accept it.

in this instance, he never asked to be brought back, he never asked for his vision back...but he had this dream just before the assassin blinded his other eye where he could see with both eyes this full, beautiful horizon, and instinctively he reacts with excitement and yearning. but he's stuck, unable to turn in any direction, and he can only see this beautiful but empty horizon while the rest of the whole world is behind him just out of view. when he finally looks down, all he can see is a piece of his past that he's tried to drown away but still keeps floating up subconsciously whether he likes it or not.

Deep inside he naturally wants to be able to see the way he used to - his full vision was something that was taken from him by his own hubris and stupidity. he knows this, but instead of learning from it or trying to truly accept it and grow from his mistake, at first it is a source of resentment and more fuel to the vengeance fire - then when he realizes revenge has never truly satisfied him or fixed any of his own personal failings it becomes a source of penance.

Being given his vision back feels like being robbed of his identity, this identity being and living and breathing revenge - and then subsequently without that identity, he seeks to suffer in order to repent and he solely becomes this sad, pitiful sorry man begging to overcompensate for the horrible things he's done because he doesn't know what else could possibly be enough.

Reaching out for Toki but then pushing him away, telling Toki to leave him to die in the hotel and just save himself but feeling relief when Toki stays by his side - Magnus is constantly beset by things he has convinced himself he doesn't want but deeply desires.

Right now, after resurrection, he is miserable - he doesn't want his identity taken from him. He never asked to be taken to Mordhaus, he never asked for his vision back, he never asked to be given another shot at life. He desperately wanted to die on his own terms - though he wished he'd never done the things he'd done, while he was dying in Toki's arms, he finally truly felt happy. He could maintain autonomy of his identity up to his dying breath and Toki's future was basically secure and no longer "his problem" (this sounds cold, but it is coming from the perspective of 'things foisted upon magnus that he didnt want').

When he wakes, he realizes there's nothing left of the man that died there - and he hates it.

He's alive, the world is full of color and he can see better than he's ever been able to see, but he's still staring out at that vast horizon, unable to turn around and see the world behind him. He can't handle the idea of what comes next - he wanted the way out that would let him avoid acceptance and change, to suffer and repent and drown himself away because he was certain that'd be the only way he'd be truly happy.

And now he's being forced to let go of the past and this repentant suffering he molded into a part of his identity - he's being forced to live a life that he can't even begin to fathom... where does he begin to pick up the pieces, what is he supposed to become now that blind eye he wore as a secret badge of hatred and then shame has been taken away from him?

this might have been a little too wordy or dramatic or even generic, but this is how he feels about these batshit changes!

I haven't finished the next chapter (though it's shaping up!) but you'll see more of how Magnus feels in this way a little more organically.