We admitted we were powerless over the abuse and its effects...
The first half of Step One of SIA is about powerlessness. I mentioned in my last step work update that the term powerlessness is triggering to me, as it drags up feelings of terror and helplessness.
That being said, going through this step should not be done lightly (for this very reason). It should not be done quickly. It’s imperative to the rest of the step work (so I’m told). The idea is, truly connecting to what you remember about your abuse (mind, body, and soul connection) puts into reality the full nature of the trauma. Having that reality in your mind, body, and soul in the present day changes our relationship with ourselves.
For instance, although I am fully aware I am a trauma survivor and I manage daily live with severe dissociation (I am SO not in denial of this), my dissociation prevents that full mind, body, and soul connection. It’s easy to ignore my insiders partially or be fully amnesiac to their pain. When I’m depressed and can’t go to work, I am often self-critical. By beating myself up, I’m also being not-so-kind to any child parts listening who are the source of the sadness.
Step One, even though it’s terrifying to connect with such powerlessness, allows me to flip a switch on the conditioned abusive response of being self-critical. I can start to be more compassionate to my insiders, practice self-care, self-soothing, and empathy. This strengthens my choices in life, so that I begin to make decisions that are kinder, healthier, and healing.
