#surelyreads

I finished Rubyfruit Jungle yesterday. I sobbed and cried for 15 minutes after. The main character of Rubyfruit Jungle's relationship with her mother is just so relatable. The insurmountable gap between parent and child, that uncrossable distance, and the deep despair that lives in that gap. The unfixable misunderstandings, the bitterness, the unconditional love that of course always comes with conditions. The barrier between parent and (queer, eccentric, lesbian, artistic, left-leaning politically, outspoken, unapologetic) child that can never be bridged, it broke my heart to read. I think many queer eccentrics can relate to this kind of relationship with their parents.

Molly, the main character of Rubyfruit Jungle, is very sexually liberated. Over the course of the book, she has sex with some men, and many women. When discussing how Molly describes the women she is attracted to, I said to a friend "It's very 'r/menwritingwomen'." Molly describes the boobs of every woman in the book. But Rubyfruit Jungle is written by a woman! It's refreshing to have the sexualization and objectification of women be done by a woman for once.

I read "Journey to the East" late last year. The ending has really stuck with me, and made me actualize my philosophy on art: "He has to grow, and I have to disappear." (also I got this book at a thrift store and it has the previous owner's notes in it!!)

The description of the art being more alive then the artist is really moving. The artist himself fades away, it doesn't matter who they are, just what they make. But the creation lasts forever and means so much to so many.

Real art comes at a price. Art that has the most meaning comes from a sacrifice, a drive, a calling. Artists have to create, and in the end they give everything to the creations that will outlive and outshine them.

I recently(ish) finished the book "FIRE" by Anais Nin. The whole title is "Fire, from A Journal of Love, the previously unpublished, unexpurgated diary: 1934 -1937"

This book, as most of Nin's works are, is a compilation of her (almost daily) diary entries. She refers to her diaries as her life's work, and in them she's completely honest. In the introduction, she asks the publisher if they judge her, for all the truths found within.

"The creator seeks to be alone - he creates alone, because that is like God." In Nin's work, every line is so meaningful that reading becomes difficult because it's so dense. As an artist, I spend most of my time alone, creating art. I understand and resonate with this sentiment.

"To describe is an act of love" is another sentiment I really understand. As artists tend to look at all the small details in the world and fall in love with them. I'm always showing my love through description!!!

And of course she experienced loving other women.

Nin talks a lot about her sexual and romantic life in her diary. (Don't we all!). It makes me happy to see books from 100 years ago describing perverts and degenerates. We will live forever!

I've been reading Steppenwolf. I like Hesse's writing because I feel that it can apply to my own life, despite the fact that he was writing 50 or 100 years ago. It feels like he captured common human experiences and feelings.

At first this book was hard to read because it is often the suicidal ramblings of an older man. But those things are interesting too. And it has gotten to be about more then that the more I read (for example the main character doing opium and having a 3some).

Demian: the story of Emil Sinclair's youth, is a book I read for the first time 2 years ago and again for a second time last year. I feel like I’ll read it 100 more times over the course of my life. I think of it constantly. The quote "The bird fights its way out of the egg. The egg is the world. Whoever will be born must destroy a world." really did shape (is shaping?) my youth.

The second part of the quote is "The bird flies to God. The name of the God is Abraxas." The word Abraxas is in reference to a system of belief that brings together "divine" (ex. the purity his parent's home) and "diabolical" (like the exploration of things outside of that).

It captures the essence of youth. Especially Beatrice (the first crush). And the cynical phase that comes (when he goes to college) with the ending of youthful idealism/protection.

Another thing about this book is that it is a source of inspiration for so many modern-day pieces of media. Revolutionary Girl Utena and Tokyo Ghoul both make "we are the chick, the world is our egg" a foundational part of their narratives.