#supzee

I'm not ready to return back to school. I'm not. And I don't think I can do this anymore. I would love it if they'd excuse me. I would love it if I were away to America or England or Dubai or somewhere. But not for holiday. I myself don't fancy holidays. I fancy living appropriately, or at least calmly. I'd like to fix my life and most importantly, myself and my family. I would be sad to have to leave my friends but I need to take care of myself first. This is all in the hands of the universe -God, actually. So I put all of my trust to you. In hope that things will work out for me, and that I'd live a different life. But this isn't about anyone else. This is strictly about me. There's so much things to be done, and so much more things to be changed. I don't want to continue living in loss. Because I don't want to continue being ungrateful. It hurts to have to feel this way. I want to start caring about my family and mend the way I live. For I miss feeling at home and I miss the feeling of being safe and sound. I've never felt at home for a long time. And my family and I, are amongst those who are entangled by the devil. It had lasted for quiet some time. Almost my entire life in fact... So please give me a chance to reborn. Untangle this devil's curse that's been with me through thick and thin. And... Give me way. In all good things, of course.

I wrote something for someone who'd never read it again

I have began thinking about you, too. Mostly I was wondering what future you would pursue, where you were going to go and how much farther we’ll be apart then… And I’m writing these words as if I were your lover, but the truth is I’m merely a victim of the curiosity that you carry around like a fragrance from an Arabic perfume. I don’t know how much longer I can keep up with this indefinite feeling, San. I am not in love with you, and I know that is true. But still, denying this very factual idea, I’d choose you; in a hundred lifetime, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you. And maybe it’s a false decision to make, and maybe I am in love with you and I’m simply lost in translation, but the chaos of stars have allowed me to succumb to an illusion. I am not in love with you, but I would choose you.