#superiority-complex

I was tagged by felixxmarie

Rules:

1.) Always post the rules

2.) Answer the questions the people who tagged you asked and write 11 new ones

3.) Tag 11 people and link them in the post

4.) Actually tell them you tagged them

Questions for me:

1. If you could learn any instrument, what would you learn? Clarinet.

2. Are your parents together? No.

3. What’s your favorite name? Casimir.

4. Would you ever march DCI? If so, what corps? Hell yes! I want to march all* of them, but I guess I really wanna be a Cadet or a Blooba. *restrictions may apply

5. How do you like your coffee? I don't.

6. Look up your name on Urban Dictionary, and screenshot the weirdest definition for your name. (Not a question, but this is a pretty fun thing to do.) I'll post a pic of this soon.

7. Do you ever chat/meet people on Omegle? Yeah. I made tons of friends from Omegle.

8. What’s your favorite colour? What's YOUR favorite color? ;)

9. Favorite book series? Awkward...(I don't really read books)

10. Favorite music genre? Rock.

11. I dunno, how many followers do you have? 261

My questions for you:

1. Favorite movie?

2. Favorite super hero?

3. How much is in your bank account?

4. Have you been out of the country? Where (or where do you want to go if you haven't been out)?

5. What's your favorite corps?

6. Ever done something illegal (other than things most people do like illegal downloads, etc.)?

7. Do you play any sports?

8. Is mayonnaise an instrument?

9. What show, movie, etc. do you reference most?

10. Snapchat or texting?

11. Favorite type of bacon?

I am tagging:

I feel like I’m constantly torn between developing a superiority-complex or believing that I’m stupid, worthless and a waste of human mass.

On one hand, I feel like I have far more to offer than others may perceive, but their perception is limited by my dreaded shyness. They have not seen enough of me to know that I’m more funny, intelligent and witty than they think. I’m underrated. I sometimes want to be a cold bitch towards everyone because I owe them nothing and that they are mostly beneath me. ­­Sometimes I believe most people are stupid and insipid because all they seem to do is talk about vapid things with no real depth. They just mill around pointlessly and talk about rubbish. Sometimes I just want to detach myself from everyone because I don’t care about them and resent them.

On the other hand, I don’t want to develop a superior attitude. I think that I’m just useless, dumb and absolutely nothing. I believe I have nothing to offer in the world and that I’m this shell of a human being that would never be able to pull off a superiority complex. I’m not intelligent, witty, funny, pretty or particularly good at anything. I also care about people and no, I am definitely not too smart for them to comprehend. Maybe I’m far too dumb and whiny for them. A superior-complex for me would be an empty and poorly-executed façade as well as a fragile one. My dad himself said ‘well, people are just stupid and some of them are just there to get in the way whatevs’. Unlike me though, my dad has accepted being unsociable.

 I know that if I keep this …inferiority-complex, my grades will decrease. I will be seen as more pathetic and pitiful, which I don’t want. If I get the superiority-complex, I may just look stupid because I actually am not intelligent. I’m just painfully average. If I let the sense of superiority develop, I could turn into those pretentious snobs I have always despised. I know that neither extremes as a whole will be good, but if I could choose I’d rather act superior. It’s easier to tone things down than to bring it up.

 The little beginnings of the superiority complex were born from my own bitterness and spite towards social experiences and life. The bitterness I taste when I get overlooked and overshadowed, the jab of self-loathing and disappointment when I am once again bested by a friend in an assessment mark, and my frustration when nobody notices when I do brighten up and change my demeanour for you fuckwits. I hold a mild resentment towards people in general because I’m never the one they want to talk to. Sometimes I completely ignore it. On a bad day I believe it’s because I’m boring. On a different day I would think that they’d rather stick with their own kind to continue talking about the rubbish they’re comfortable with. I usually hide and suppress the superior side pretty adeptly.

Something about me drives people away. Is it because of my lack of mainstream interests? I like reading some books, but I fucking swear that nobody reads nowadays. The things I am interested in don’t have topics that can produce on-going conversation. If you don’t know what I mean, some examples of things that provide on-going conversation are things like K-pop and League of Legends. Why? Because these things themselves are ongoing, therefore you will always have something new to talk about. There are new songs, new albums, new bands and news for K-pop. There are many games, updates, skins, techniques whatever for LoL. Do not tell me to ‘just get interested in things’. Interest cannot be forced. I could tell you to ‘just get into politics’, or ‘just get into maths’ or whatever you have zero interest in.

Am I bitter because I’m lonely, or am I lonely because I am bitter?

On the internet, I mostly go on Tumblr/Youtube and occasionally post smart-alecky comments on Facebook. I can sometimes make people chuckle but I don’t make them like me.