got a lot off my chest tonight regarding familial matters to which can be summarized as "i would rather live out of my car with two dogs and an unwashed sibling than move to motherfucking nevada to live with my asshole dad and also i am not a child anymore so my mom doesnt have to stay here for our sakes and should move the hell back to korea where she can be with her family and not have to deal with aforementioned asshole father and that i will never invite him to my wedding and also that i will drive 10 hours to his sister's house and take the biggest shit in her bedroom where their only daughter who looks like smeagol was conceived before driving 10 hours back home to blog about it on facebook where my dad's relatives will watch a play by play recount of how said shit was done. i love my mom i hate my dad and this christmas season im mad as hell

i say if you dont eat you die a lot but i was just in the bathroom this morning brushing my teeth when i remembered why and when i started saying that and its actually really fucking sad now that i remember because it started back in highschool when my parents were splitting and at the same time my maternal grandpa was in his deathbed and he outright refused to eat anything which is a sure sign of imminent death and my mom and her siblings would be constantly trying to get him to eat without a tube and after a while my mom broke down and started repeating if you dont eat you'll die over and over again and what seems like an obvious and even comical statement now was actually just a desperate plea from a child to a parent who was about to die and its also happened very recently when my dog started to refuse every food we gave her and shortly she too died of general old age so i guess i somehow adopted this phrase to make sure people are taking care of themselves and its weird how its that way now i bummed myself out and prob gonna go eat 50 oreos

today is the 49th and final day of mourning for my dog but we really couldnt bring ourselves to burn her belongings so we just laid out the last offerings and bawled for a good hour. i guess its morbid but i like this buddhist tradition the best because those 7 weeks of praying really makes me wish and reflect on the deceased transitioning into a better life so it helps me cope with the death of a loved one