#sunspotstudios

Word on Road IX 📍 HONG KONG

Sometimes I hate time.

Sometimes I spell time L O V E.

Love to me is terrifying.

Because for me, terrifying to me is enjoying a million amazing moments with a person and then losing them.

Them not wanting the same anymore or never wanting to begin with.

With every second you don’t talk to them you worry if they are slipping away.

Away with your heart and sanity away from you.

You are left with nothing but amazing memories of amazing moments.

Moments that now cause so much pain that you start to neglect yourself.

Neglect yourself to the point where you forget who you were before you met.

You met them and now you wish you didn’t.

You didn’t know things would grow to be so different.

So different than anything you could have ever envisioned happening.

Happening to still close my eyes and see a child that’s half me and half you.

You telling me you love me when I’ve been saying it in my head for months before.

Before we were just friends but sometimes we feel like we share the same body.

Sometimes.

Sometimes I hate that cynical side of me.

Sometimes is only sometimes though.

Most times I wish I had more T I M E.

Time to figure out this terrifying thing called love.

Until then haunt my mind and terrorize my soul.

I’ve always been haunted by the idea that I’m wasting my life.

Waiting.

Second guessing moves I’ve just made and wondering about the alternative.

If only we could see both outcomes of a choice before we make it.

Is that what faith is?

Instead of wondering, you believing.

Instead of guessing, you know.

Instead of being afraid, you are confident.

I feel like even in faith you are haunted by whispers of what if.

What if those whispers belong to the other you who chose another path and wish they were in your shoes.

Am I haunting myself?