#summerlambstuff

Frustrated that my partner didn't put the flowers out for mum in the morning but it's ok.

I took a whole body shower with my hair clean.

My partner, mum and I all had "high tea" which is just drinking tea with the tea set we have. We had some small treats with it like cucumber sandwiches and strawberries.

But mum wasn't feeling well afterwards so she just rested for the rest of the day.

I think I had done my first marker drawing that day.

Day 6.

Today is mother's day. I forgot. Well. Kind of. I thought it was Tomorrow, so I wasn't ready.

My partner and I had part of the day planned for it, but we had to come up with something else. It worked out because I knew today my mom was spending time with her partners mom, so she would be busy.

So today I had to finish unpacking my bedroom and playroom. But by now I'm realizing I'm starting to lose energy. Every day I've been more and more tired. I haven't been able to nap at all! And mom always talks when I walk by, so I use energy there too. And unpacking. And masking.

I try to unmask, but it's very hard around them. I'm not comfortable using my supports around them because I know my mom would take offense or comment negatively. I will make a separate post for this later going into detail.

But today my partner and I went out. We went to the mall first because a poster had gotten torn (It's ok, it's a poster that's available to buy anywhere and at anytime.), and then we had to pick up stuff for mother's day.

I did a lot of unpacking and my partner helped me. Moving from the car wasn't too bad but the way the stuff was in the car made me nervous. Lucky was the one that packed it so I didn't know where anything was, and he packed things really tight.

It was warm outside so my partner mostly moved stuff from the car to the house and I moved the boxes from the door to the rooms. Nothing was too heavy luckily. My partner took care of the fridge by themselves.

Unpacking was difficult. I like tearing the tape off, but mom had moved a bunch of stuff in my playroom and moved my stuff too!! I do understand I'm not there so I guess she needs space but that's my area and my stuff... I felt really overwhelmed because it was hard to move anything without having to move another thing before it.

I ended up reorganizing the entire room because of placement and stuff. I spent all day doing it but still had some weird things left over both in playroom and bedroom. Mom has always been on me for having too much stuff but today was the day it was hard to deny that. I felt overwhelmed because I do have too much stuff and I'm nervous mom will yell at me for it. I had suggested sometime this summer to bring some attic stuff down to sell/give, so hopefully that will please her for a little bit. But she hasn't seen my rooms yet and I'm worried.

I spent most of my day very tired. I'm always tired. But I wanted to unpack and do a lot of stuff but things got in the way. I cried 3 times that day.

The first one was because my puppy wasn't excited to see me. She has always been kind of weird when someone comes back, but I've come to expect her greetings. Usually if someone is gone for awhile and then comes back, she gets really really excited and jumpy, waggy whimpery and all happy..but only for 3 minutes. After the 3rd minute she just wears herself out and suddenly it's not a big deal anymore. She's very silly like that. But throughout the year I have been very excited for the 3 minutes of her..but she didn't do it. And then my mom reminded me that she's getting much older and only has a few years left....

Second one came because my mask that I made 8 years ago was broken. Lucky had fronted and said that he got mom to apologize and even said she would buy more masks of the exact kind to make and I have no idea how he did that, but it wasn't good to having my last memory be eating dinner and now my mask is broken in my hands.

Third one is because of the first one again, but this time it was bedtime and I tried to bring her to my bed to sleep because she's supposed to sleep on my bed. But she didn't even lay down and instead ran into my mom's room and I could hear my mom call to her and say "that's right. You're supposed to be here with us. What were you doing in there?" When she is MY dog and is supposed to be with me because she has always been on my bed. I had trained her for bedtime!

Packing: I don't know much, I wasn't here. Lucky was fronting all day and he did everything.

He tried to coo me to bed when we got home. Home is very different. There's lots of new furniture and I'm not used to it. Even so. Everything is different. It's so quiet here I can hear My heart and blood. The lights are always too bright. Even stuff as size and height of bed and toliet is different than dorm.