#suicideland

This video portrayed how I feel so perfectly I think I will sound pathetic if you don't watch it

I'm Indian, as most of you know, so I genuinely didn't expect the video to contain an actual Indian character WITH a backstory AND portray how I feel along the way.

So let's start with Amrita as a character, she committed suicide and ended up in suicideland. She's stuck there forever, regretting what she did and remembering everything. I don't have much to say for this part but this is just so that you get the premise

Now, let's look at the hospital scene. The father is yelling at Amrita for trying to commit suicide, telling her that she just wants attention and refusing to talk about the mom. In a later scene, the mom keeps praying for god to forgive Amrita. This whole part shows suicide as just a dramatic way to say "fuck you" and a sin. You know why this part hurt? Everyone I see as an Indian in India thinks that exact same way. They throw around suicide like "oh yeah if your friends don't join you, you will get depressed and commit suicide" and whenever someone dies, instead of worrying, the relatives might cry but everyone else laughs about how horrible the child must've been to commit suicide. YOU SEE WHAT'S BAD HERE?!

I'm Indian and I grew up and AM growing up around this people. So seeing them treat suicide like that makes me feel guilty for wanting to commit it too. And this exact reason "makes people not do it" you say? In my situation it makes me want to end it all even more. I don't want to be forced to laugh at such people like a lunatic. I don't want to SEE people laugh at these people like a lunatic. I just want to do something.

But besides that, let's take a look at the other scene, there's a scene where it's heavily implied that the relationship between her mother and her father is abusive. And she says that she will save her in a childish way as she only fears death and nothing else. I have two things to say here

1, I think the relationship between my parents is abusive too. Not only were they forced to marry because of my father's family, my father drinks, smokes AND does drugs, due to which I have a genetical disease called "fatty liver" which my mother is trying to remove (it's still in the early stages so we CAN fix it) but besides that, because of my father's many addictions he constantly gets into fights with my mother every time he comes to our house (he lives far away, he comes to visit us occasionally) so although I'm not sure if this is abuse (because my father constantly boasts about how he is better than my mom, but he never gets physical) I still relate to that scene

2, The fact she said she feared death and ended up killing herself......I truly relate to that in the sense that I feel guilty for wanting this knowing my past self would've immediately said no to such things.