#suddenlove

Do you know what I’m feeling right now? I’m getting the feeling like a person who is unable to swim in a deep, blue ocean drowning to death. It feels like the world is on me, feeling the weight of it and crushing me into broken pieces. I’m a shattered stone ready to become mud. I’m a useless garbage that smells like a rotten rat. I’m nothing but a crap.

Questions…questions…all questions…that I never ask. I am quivering to the coldness of your hold. You’re starting to change. You become different. I never even think that you will change…in just a snap…in just a very quick snap. What happened anyway? Why weren’t you calling me? Why weren’t you making your way to drop a call for me? Why were you different last night? Was there something wrong with me? Didn’t you like the way I treat you? Why did you ask me that stupid question?

Was it not enough to say to you the words you need to hear? I said “I love you,” but wasn’t that enough? I said “I like you,” but didn’t you even care? I said “I won’t leave you,” but didn’t you believe on that? I tried not to think of such but as the minute passed me by, I cared to think more and I dared to take the will of surpassing this kind of agony.

I hate this feeling. I really do. For all you know, I am afraid to feel this again. But right now, I am feeling this. And it crushes me. It breaks me into pieces. Worse, it’s killing me. Each moment, it’s killing me. All along, I’ve thought that I would never experience this dreadful feeling. But it’s starting to become a trepidation. The bad thing is the day I’m starting to unpack my past and burn it all is the day I’m starting to make a package for me to unpack and burn again in a different way. Such an ironic episode.