#suburbia hell

Wobbly

Me: I'm in administration right on downtown Main Street.

Landlady: And what do you do for fun?

Me: I'm a musician.

Landlady: Oh no.

Me: Is that going to be a problem?

Landlady: What do you play?

Me: Saxophone.

Landlady: Our buildings have thin walls. You will disturb your neighbors. You must play your loud instruments elsewhere. Absolutely no drums.

Me: Oh, I see.

Rando: [carries xmas tree as he walks past us]

Landlady: Excuse me, is that a live Christmas tree?

Rando: Yes. I'm taking it off the premises.

Landlady: We don't allow live Christmas trees on our property due to fire hazard.

Me: What about houseplants?

Landlady: We allow houseplants. But you can't keep them in the windows. We're looking to maintain a certain level of... of...

Me [as a rude comment that was supposed to stay in my head]: Uniformity?

Landlady: Yes! :D Exactly! We ask that all windows have white blinds or white shades and no visible decorations.

Me: Oh.

Landlady: But there are those who we need to enforce these rules on. We want people to drive by and have everything look nice and just alike. We've been needed to crack down on them for a few weeks now.

Me [internally]: She's making this up. It wasn't written in the bylaws.

Landlady: This is a nice, quiet complex. It's a place where someone can unwind peacefully without being disturbed. It's so quiet that the only noise I ever hear from my neighbor is him sneezing.