#subject object

kind of just realized i must be getting a bit of a thrill by pete's inherent indecision (gemini rising btw) vs. my impulsive dumbassery, case in point: i forwarded him the tour dates and asked if he wanted to go to another tmbg show (involving travel to another city Up North); he said he'd think about it; every moment of every day i'm like :eyeball emoji: DID YOU THINK ABOUT IT YET and like yeah actually this feels extremely rooted in me as a child asking my mom for something i desperately wanted but was unlikely to receive (say, permission to sleep over a friend's house) and her "I'll think about it" could last for days... me hanging in anxious suspense, trying to read her for clues, trying to behave more virtuously in order to subtly influence her towards the elusive yes. prepared to cut left or right immediately depending on the collapse of the waveform: will he or won't he!

it’s wild how my niece (4) and nephew (2) are aware of (the immediacy of) phone cameras/recording. lately some of the videos my sister shares end with them stopping whatever they were doing that warranted attention and running up to her/the camera, “Can I see it? Can I see it?”

in an interview with cbs, photojournalist lynsey addario said, “I try to keep the camera to my eye so I don’t think too much.” i feel like it would be irresponsible for me to post that quote without comment but i really have none. i just can’t stop thinking about it. it’s certainly not a new concept and she probably is not the first war photographer to articulate the idea so bluntly. it’s what you have to do to do your job. the camera creates distance and a kind of protection for the viewer; the photograph objectifies, simplifies, and equalizes. everything collapses into the same meaningless stream of images.