#sub: logs

a22hole iim not riight for anyone. and iit2 not 2lef deprecatiion 2peakiing iit2 ju2t the truth. ii dont have iit iin me two 2tay po2iitiive and keep moviing forward becau2e iim 2tagnatiing iin my own 2hiitty me22 2o badly that ii cant and wont ever get out of iit. ii dont want two. ii dont want two get better. and ii dont want two briing anyone down wiith me becau2e of that. not you. not hiim. not anyone. iif ii had iit my way iid pha2e my2elf out of dave2 liife two 2o he could be happy wiith jn. iif ii had iit my way ii never wouldve met any of you. iit2 all been a mii2take. becau2e iim a mii2take.

pixieflix eSPECIALLY, uH, gIVEN YOUR CURRENT POSITION,, iN A PILE, wHICH IS MOST COMMONLY ASSOCIATED,, wITH,, tHAT, yES, oKAY, rIGHT, i WILL CONTINUE, tALKING, i THINK i GOT A LITTLE BIT SPOOKED, rIGHT THEN, wHICH IS,,, wHY THAT HAPPENED, sORRY ABOUT THAT, lIKE i SAID, pLEASE IGNORE IT, aND SO ON,

pixieflix i KNOW i'VE TYPED IT A BUNCH OF TIMES AT YOU, bEFORE BUT THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME i SENT IT, uH, aND MOSTLY THAT WAS A MISTAKE, i FEEL, rIGHT,,, sORRY FOR THAT, i KNOW IT DOESN'T REALLY MEAN ANYTHING, fOR ME TO ASK THIS, sEEING AS HOW i JUST,,, dID THAT, wITHOUT CONSIDERING YOUR FEELINGS ON THE MATTER, bUT,, uHHH, pLEASE DON'T DISAPPEAR ON ME, i KNOW i HAVE A STUPID CRUSH ON YOU, aND IT'S,,, i'M GOING TO GET OVER IT, oKAY, aND THEN THINGS WILL BE FINE, rIGHT? wE CAN JUST BE NORMAL FRIENDS AGAIN, bUT YOU HAVE TO BE AROUND FOR THAT TO HAPPEN, sO DON'T,,, yEAH, dON'T DISAPPEAR,

pixieflix i'M SORRY, bYE,

a22hole why?

pixieflix oH, uM, wHY,, wHAT, i FEEL LIKE, i MAYBE, pROBABLY, uH, eXPLAINED MYSELF PRETTY WELL RIGHT THEN, dID i NOT DO THAT,,

a22hole why ii2 everythiing you do wiith me a mii2take? ii2 that all ii am two you? a mii2take?

pixieflix nO! nO, dON'T YOU,,, eVER SAY THTA, dON'T SAY THAT, eVER, yOU'RE ONE OF THE MOST AMAZING PEOPLE, tHAT i'VE EVER MET, i'M JUST,, uH, nOT VERY GOOD AT THIS,, aND THE MISTAKE PART OF THIS IS,, iT'S JUST, i SHOULDN'T DO A LOT OF THE THINGS THAT i DO HERE, wITH YOU, iT ISN'T FAIR TO YOU,

a22hole ju2t.

a22hole ii take back what ii 2aiid earliier. ii dont want two 2ee you.

pixieflix oKAY, i'M SORRY,

a22hole ii dont know why you do thii2 two me but ii really wii2h youd ju2t 2top. 2top makiing me thiink ii have a chance. 2top giiviing me hope. 2top.

pixieflix i'M SORRY,

a22hole ii.

[10:31] TA: iit'2 peaceful and iidk. 2ometiime2 iit briing2 back 2omewhat decent memoriie2 iif ii let iit.

[10:31] TA: but ii u2ually don't thiink about that.

[10:31] TA: anyway. are you really doiing ok lately?

[10:31] GC: NOT R34LLY

[10:32] TA: yeah?

[10:32] TA: 2ame.

[10:35] TA: ii feel liike ii'm falliing apart.

[10:35] GC: M3 TOO

[10:36] GC: 1 F33L L1K3 ONLY H4LF OF M3 1S H3R3

[10:36] GC: TH3 R3ST 1S JUST FR4GM3NTS

[10:37] TA: ii'm at a lo22 for what two do anymore. a2iide from helpiing you ii feel liike ii'm 2tuck iin a bubble.

[10:37] TA: wor2e even than when ii diidn't have friiend2 anymore.

[10:37] TA: do you ever feel alone when 2urrounded by people?

[10:38] GC: Y34H

[10:38] GC: 4LL TH3 T1M3

[10:38] TA: iit 2uck2.

[10:40] TA: ii thiink my pumper ii2 broken, TX.

[10:40] GC: WH4T DO YOU M34N

[10:40] TA: ii made a mii2take.

[10:41] TA: ii knew iit wa2 but ii don't really know how two talk about iit. not that iit really matter2 anyway.

[10:41] GC: 1T M4TT3RS

[10:41] TA: at the end of the day ii ju2t want my friiend2 two be happy.

[10:42] GC: TH4TS SOM3TH1NG 4LL OF US W4NT

[10:42] GC: MYS3LF 1NCLUD3D

[10:42] GC: BUT

[10:42] GC: W3 4LSO N33D TO L34RN TO C4R3 FOR OURS3LV3S

[10:43] TA: yeah yeah.

[10:43] TA: ii do that 2ometiime2. thankfully ii'm about a2 low maiintanence a2 iit get2 2o iit'2 ea2y two do.

[10:43] GC: 1M

[10:43] GC: 1 TRY TO B3 1 GU3SS

[10:44] TA: ii meant that iin more of a liiteral 2en2e.

[10:44] TA: any other way ii'm a dii2a2ter.

[10:44] GC: H3H

[10:44] GC: Y34H S4M3

[10:44] GC: UNFORTUN4T3LY 1 H4V3 4 LOT OF PHYS1C4L N33DS

[10:45] GC: 1 TRY TO B3 3MOT1ON4LLY LOW M41NT3N4NC3 BUT 1M 4 D1S4ST3R 4S W3LL

[10:45] GC: 1 H4V3 B33N FOR 4 LONG T1M3

[10:46] TA: the whole joke of on brand doriito2 and dew doe2n't even apply two me becau2e ii don't even need that but.

[10:47] TA: let'2 be really hone2t here ii thiink ii fiill the role of 2ollux "probably the wor2t at quad2" captor pretty well.

[10:47] GC: TH4T T1TL3 SHOULD B3 M1N3

[10:47] GC: TH3 B4D 4T QU4DS P4RT

[10:47] TA: two bad ii wa2 hatched wiith iit.

[10:48] TA: can't 2teal iit from me now.

[10:50] GC: SUR3 1 C4N

[10:50] GC: YOUV3 B33N SURP4SS3D

[10:51] TA: defiiniitely cannot.

[10:51] TA: my bad rep extend2 far iintwo my youth.

[10:51] GC: S4M3!!!!!!!

[10:52] TA: thii2 wiill be the thiing ii'd 2crap over but not twoniight.

[10:52] TA: ii can't 2ee how you could 2ay you are now you two 2eem 2o happy.

[10:53] GC: W3 H4D 4 ROCKY ST4RT 4ND

[10:53] GC: SOM3T1M3S 1 TH1NK TH4T

[10:53] GC: H3 ST1LL H4S SOM3.. H4NGUPS

[10:53] GC: 4ND TH4T M4YB3 1 DO TOO

[10:55] TA: that'2 normal ii thiink.

[10:55] TA: iit'2 been almo2t four month2 now and ii 2tiill thiink dave made a mii2take on me but iit'2 been longer for you guy2 riight?

[10:55] GC: 4 SW33P 1SH Y34H

[10:56] TA: yeah.

[10:57] TA: ii don't thiink ii'd even come up wiith thii2 kiind of thiing for hiim. two make hiim iimmortal.

[10:58] GC: 1 DONT KNOW 1F 1 3V3R WOULD H4V3 B3FOR3

[10:58] TA: ii giive iin two the fact that 2omeday he'll eiither grow old and diie, or play the game agaiin and po22iibly diie there iin2tead.

[11:02] GC: 1 WOND3R 1F 1 SHOULD B3 OK4Y W1TH TH3 S4M3

[11:02] GC: 1 C4NT R3M3MB3R 1F LUCKY W4S GT

[11:03] GC: 1 C4NT R3M3MB3R HOW 1 F3LT

[11:03] TA: lucky?

[11:03] GC: OH

[11:03] GC: HM

[11:05] TA: hmm?

[11:05] GC: LUCKY W4S..

[11:05] GC: 1S..

[11:05] GC: NO, W4S

[11:05] GC: TH3 SOLLUX FROM MY T1M3L1N3

[11:06] TA: ii 2ee.

[11:07] GC: H3 W4S MY B3ST FR13ND

[11:07] GC: FL1X KN3W H1M TOO BUT 1 DONT R3COMM3ND BR1NG1NG H1M UP

[11:07] GC: 1 SHOULDNT H4V3 BROUGHT H1M UP 31TH3R

[11:09] TA: iit'2 ok he and ii don't talk anymore anyway.

[11:09] TA: ii won't a2k about hiim two you eiither.

[11:09] GC: YOU.. DONT?

[11:09] TA: not really.

[11:12] TA: that'2 for the be2t though ii thiink. ii don't know iif ii really want two talk about thii2 iin depth...

[11:12] GC: OK4Y

[11:12] GC: 1 DONT W4NN4 M4K3 YOU UNCOMFORT4BL3

[11:12] TA: iit'2 not. iit'2 ju2t not my place.

[11:13] GC: 1F 1T 1NVOLV3S YOU 1SNT 1T K1ND OF YOUR PL4C3

[11:13] GC: W41T

[11:13] GC: SHUTT1NG UP NOW

[11:13] GC: SORRY

[11:13] TA: no iit'2 ok. ii gue22 iit ii2 but iit'2 me beiing 2tupiid. ii.

[11:13] TA: he.

[11:13] TA: ii.

[11:14] TA: lii2ten. ii ju2t want hiim two be happy. ii want two 2ee hiim 2miile and laugh and liive.

[11:14] TA: when he wa2 2o up2et on the da2h iit hurt me a lot but ii diidn't know what two do.

[11:14] TA: ii2 iit my place two worry? no, but ii 2tiill do.

[11:15] GC: TH4TS NOT 4 B4D TH1NG

[11:15] TA: ii offered two help becau2e he de2erve2 two liive wiith you and liive two the fulle2t, not two fear the iineviitable.

[11:15] GC: 1T 1S YOUR PL4C3 TO WORRY

[11:16] TA: iit'2 a two for one deal. ii help and ii get two 2ee you both 2miile.

[11:16] TA: and that'2 all ii want.

[11:17] GC: TH4T M34NS SO MUCH TO M3

[11:17] GC: 1 W4NT TH3 S4M3 FOR YOU, YOU KNOW

[11:17] GC: TO S33 YOU SM1L1NG

[11:17] GC: TO S33 YOU H4PPY

[11:18] TA: ii am happy.

[11:18] TA: riight thii2 miinute? ii am.

[11:18] -- gelogenicCryptadia [GC] blushes! --

[11:19] TA: heh.

[11:19] TA: ii wanted two do thii2 for a whiile but ii fiigure now ii2 the be2t tiime two do iit. ju2t you and me, the 2ound of the 2ea. two clear our pan2 before we go forward.

[11:20] GC: Y34H

[11:20] GC: 1TS N1C3

[11:20] GC: 1 W1SH 1 COULD S33 1T

[11:20] GC: L1K3 R34LLY S33 1T

[11:20] TA: me two.

[11:23] GC: WH4T 4R3 TH3 COLORS L1K3

[11:24] TA: uh.

[11:24] TA: they uh.

[11:27] TA: there'2 a lot of red and blue. iit'2 really 2parkly.

[11:27] TA: iit all blend2 twogether.

[11:28] GC: TH4T SOUNDS PR3TTY

[11:28] GC: B3FOR3 1 W3NT BL1ND

[11:28] GC: M3 4ND N3P3T4 US3D TO COM3 TO TH3 B34CH SOM3T1M3S

[11:28] GC: K4RK4T L1V3D N34R 1T

[11:28] GC: 1 N3V3R F34R3D 1T 1 THOUGHT F34R W4S 1LLOG1C4L

[11:29] GC: 1TS NOT BUT 1 W4S DUMB

[11:29] GC: 4NYW4Y

[11:29] GC: 1 W4TCH3D TH3 MOONR1S3 4 LOT

[11:30] TA: really?

[11:30] GC: MHM

[11:31] TA: ii uh. ii hope you're enjoyiing thii2 beach.

[11:32] TA: ii call iit co2ta del 2ol, hehe.

[11:32] GC: GOOD N4M3 >:P

[11:33] GC: DO YOU SP34K M1D 4LT3RN14N

[11:33] TA: not really.

[11:34] TA: ii 2tole the name from a viideo game.

[11:34] GC: V4L1D

[11:35] TA: ii2 iit though?

[11:35] GC: 1T 1S! 1TS 4 GOOD N4M3

[11:36] TA: iit mean2 coa2t of the 2un but fuck that iit'2 coa2t of the me now.

[11:36] GC: 1 KNOW WH4T 1T M34NS H3H3

[11:37] GC: 1 SP34K M1D 4LT3RN14N

[11:38] TA: 2hiit ii've been had.

[11:38] TA: ii can't beliieve thii2.

[11:39] GC: POR QU3 NO

[11:40] TA: don't 2a22 me.

[11:40] GC: H3H3H3H3

[11:42] TA: and al2o ii know what that mean2 ii can 2peak meme2.

[11:42] TA: ii do beliieve iit.

[11:43] TA: you're alway2 full of 2urprii2e2.

[11:43] GC: >:]

[11:43] GC: TH3YR3 NOT 4LW4YS GOOD BUT YOUV3 GOT 4 50/50 SHOT OF B31NG PL34S4NTLY SURPR1S3D

[11:44] TA: but the more ii learn about you the more ii realiized ii made a good choiice.

[11:44] TA: ii'm really glad we're friiend2.

[11:44] GC: 1 4M TOO

[11:44] GC: YOU KNOW

[11:45] GC: 1 R34LLY R34LLY 4M GL4D

[11:47] TA: good.

[11:47] TA: ii'm 2urprii2ed but really happy about iit.

[11:47] GC: WHY 4R3 YOU SURPR1S3D

[11:47] TA: ii don't know. ii'm a fool.

[11:48] GC: M3 TOO

[11:48] GC: 1M HON3STLY

[11:48] GC: 1 DONT VO1C3 1T MUCH BUT

[11:49] GC: 1 W4S R34LLY WORR13D YOU D1DNT L1K3 M3

[11:49] GC: OR TH4T YOU WOULDNT

[11:49] GC: TH3 MOR3 YOU GOT TO KNOW M3

[11:49] TA: why?

[11:49] GC: TH3 MOR3 STUFF YOU L34RN3D

[11:49] GC: TH4T YOU WOULD JUST.. DROP M3

[11:51] TA: you 2ound ju2t liike hiim.

[11:52] TA: ii'm not the type two do that becau2e ii thiink the 2ame way about my2elf. thiinkiing that the longer 2omeone know2 me the more they'll realiize ii'm a lo2t cau2e and that the bad 2hiit ii've done ii2n't worth what liittle good could come from the future.

[11:54] GC: 1TS NOT 4N UNUSU4L DOUBT

[11:54] GC: TH3R3S SO MUCH 1V3 B33N H1D1NG 4ND D34L1NG W1TH FOR SO LONG TH4T

[11:54] GC: 1 BU1LT 4LL TH3S3 4SSUMPT1ONS B4S3D ON THOS3 TH1NGS

[11:54] GC: 4SSUMPT1ONS 4BOUT HOW OTH3R P3OPL3 WOULD F33L 4BOUT TH3M

[11:54] GC: B4S3D ON HOW 1 F33L 4BOUT TH3M

[11:54] GC: WH1CH 1SNT R34LLY F41R

[11:56] TA: yeah.

[11:56] TA: well.

[11:56] TA: ii can tell you that ii'll 2tiick wiith you no matter what.

[11:56] TA: iif you want me two anyway.

[11:57] -- gelogenicCryptadia [GC] wraps their arms around him in a hug --

[11:59] GC: YOUR3 STUCK W1TH M3 TOO BTW

[11:59] GC: 1F YOU W4NT

[12:00] -- titianAuxometer [TA] clears his throat. --

[12:00] TA: yeah.

[12:00] TA: ii do.

[12:01] GC: GOOD B3C4US3 1T WOULD B3 4 *L1TTL3* W31RD 1F YOU W3R3 ST1CK1NG W1TH M3 NO M4TT3R WH4T BUT D1DNT W4NT M3 TO ST1CK W1TH *YOU* NO M4TT3R WH4T

[12:03] TA: true. but you 2hould know by now ii'm piicky wiith my friiend2.

[12:03] TA: you pa22ed all my 2uper iinten2iive te2t2 you're iin the iinner ciircle now.

[12:04] GC: S4M3

[12:05] GC: 1M NOT 4S P1CKY W1TH FR13NDS 1N G3N3R4L BUT MY C4PTOR ST4ND4RDS 4R3 PR3TTY H1GH

[12:06] TA: ii'm iin 2hock becau2e ii'm the wor2t captor alt confiirmed at captor camp.

[12:06] GC: NO

[12:06] GC: YOUR3 UM

[12:06] GC: YOUR3 MY F4VOR1T3 C4PTOR

[12:06] TA: ii am?

[12:06] -- titianAuxometer [TA] seems genuinely surprised. --

[12:06] GC: YOU 4R3

[12:07] TA: ii don't really know how two re2pond two thii2.

[12:11] GC: H4H4 SORRY

[12:11] GC: 1 KNOW 1TS 4 W31RD TH1NG TO S4Y

[12:11] TA: ii'm bad wiith niice thiing2.

[12:11] TA: mockery? iin2ult2? ii can handle that.

[12:17] GC: 1 G3T 1T

[12:17] GC: 1TS H4RD

[12:18] TA: iit'2 weiird two me but.

[12:18] TA: ii don't know.

[12:19] TA: ii appreciiate the 2entiiment2 even iif ii feel weiird.

[12:20] GC: 1M SORRY 1T F33LS W31RD

[12:20] GC: YOU D3S3RV3 N1C3 TH1NGS

[12:23] TA: pbbbbbtbtbbt.

[12:24] TA: ii gue22!!

[12:24] TA: you do two.

[12:26] GC: ON3 D4Y 1LL B3 4BL3 TO F33L TH4T

[12:26] TA: maybe we'll get there at the 2ame tiime.

[12:27] GC: W3 C4N H3LP 34CH OTH3R G3T TH3R3 >:]

[12:28] TA: maybe we can.

[12:28] TA: ii'd liike that.

[12:31] GC: 1 WOULD TOO

[12:31] GC: 1TS 4 D34L TH3N

[12:32] TA: punch me every tiime ii 2tart two demean my2elf.

[12:32] GC: TH3OR3T1C4L PUNCH3S

[12:33] TA: liiteral one2.

[12:33] TA: ii'll bend down 2o you can reach all the good 2pot2.

[12:34] GC: OK BUT MY PUNCH3S 4R3 W1MPY

[12:34] -- gelogenicCryptadia [GC] punches him lightly in the arm --

[12:35] -- titianAuxometer [TA] dramatically flops into the sand. --

[12:35] TA: oh. ow. oh no.

[12:35] TA: ii'm hiit.

[12:39] -- gelogenicCryptadia [GC] flops into the sand next to him. --

[12:39] GC: 1 C4NT GO ON

[12:39] TA: oh no. ii2 thii2 where we end?

[12:39] GC: 1 D1D TH1S TO YOU

[12:40] GC: 1TS.... JUST

[12:40] -- gelogenicCryptadia [GC] dramatically pretends to be dead but is really bad at it. --

[12:40] -- titianAuxometer [TA] pokes them in the side a few times. --

[12:41] -- gelogenicCryptadia [GC] starts giggling and writhing around. --

[12:41] GC: STOP 1M T1CKL1SH

[12:41] TA: ii'm giiviing your actiing a zero out of ten.

[12:41] -- titianAuxometer [TA] pokes more. --

[12:41] GC: 444444444444444444444444444444

[12:42] -- gelogenicCryptadia [GC] clutches their sides and laughs, kicking up sand with their feet. --

[12:42] TA: twoniight ii learned a very valuable le22on!!

[12:42] -- titianAuxometer [TA] keeps poking for a while longer, eventually stopping with a chuckle. --

[12:43] GC: MY GR34T3ST W34KN3SS: 3XPOS3D

[12:43] -- gelogenicCryptadia [GC] catches their breath. --

[12:44] TA: ii'm keepiing thii2 ammo two my2elf. for future u2e agaiin2t any 2ort of 2elf deprecatiion antiic2.

[12:44] TA: me? ii get punche2. you?

[12:44] TA: heh.

[12:44] TA: hehehe.

[12:44] TA: ehehehehe.

[12:45] -- gelogenicCryptadia [GC] sticks out their tongue and crosses their arms. --

[12:46] -- titianAuxometer [TA] sticks his tongue out right back. --

[12:46] GC: YOUR3 SO GOOFY SOM3T1M3S

[12:46] TA: me? never.

[12:46] TA: all 2eriiou2 all the tiime.

[12:47] -- gelogenicCryptadia [GC] reaches over and pokes him in the cheek. --

[12:47] GC: SOOOOOOO S3R1OUS

[12:49] -- titianAuxometer [TA] sticks his tongue out again, but this time it's a blep. --

[12:49] TA: uh yeah, obviiou2ly.

[12:50] GC: H3Y C4N 1 4SK TO DO SOM3TH1NG W31RD

[12:52] TA: 2ure.

[12:52] GC: 1 W4NT TO TOUCH YOUR F4C3 W1TH MY H4NDS 4ND NOT MY PS1ON1CS

[12:52] GC: SO 1 C4N R3M3MB3R WH4T YOU LOOK L1K3

[12:53] TA: iif you want two.

[12:56] -- gelogenicCryptadia [GC] feels N2's face hesitantly with their hands, and running their fingers in the hollow parts of his cheeks, memorizing the shape of his face. After a few moments, they grin, and pinch his cheek, then draw their hands back. --

[01:02] -- titianAuxometer [TA] catches one of their hands in his, staring at it for a few moments before patting it and letting it go. --

[01:02] TA: well. now you know ii'm gro22 lookiing.

[01:02] GC: YOUR3 CUT3

[01:02] GC: 1 KN3W HOW YOU LOOK3D B3FOR3

[01:02] GC: 1TS NOTH1NG N3W

[01:02] TA: heh.

[01:02] GC: BUT 1 W4NT3D MY H4NDS TO M3MOR1Z3 1T

[01:03] TA: ii.

[01:03] TA: well. that'2 faiir.

[01:04] GC: JUST 1N C4S3 1 3V3R C4NT US3 PS1ON1CS 4NYMOR3

[01:08] GC: TH1S 1S FUN, N2

[01:08] GC: B31NG 4ROUND YOU

[01:08] GC: 1M GL4D W3 C4M3 H3R3

[01:09] TA: yeah ii thiink 2o two.

[01:09] TA: ii 2aiid iit before but you're really 2omethiing.

[01:10] GC: SO 4R3 YOU, N2

[01:11] -- gelogenicCryptadia [GC] draws their knees to their chest and sets their arms on them. --

[01:13] TA: you know.

[01:14] TA: what ii 2aiid before when you were off doiing all of that 2tuff for TL?

[01:14] GC: Y34H?

[01:14] TA: iit appliie2 two what we're goiing two do two.

[01:16] GC: Y34H

[01:17] TA: iif you get hurt ii'm goiing two kiick your a22 iintwo the next century.

[01:17] -- titianAuxometer [TA] glances at them with a mixed expression. --

[01:18] GC: 1 WONT G3T HURT

[01:18] GC: 4ND

[01:18] GC: 1 WONT L3T YOU G3T HURT

[01:18] GC: 1 WONT LOS3 TH3 MOST 1MPORT4NT P3OPL3 TO M3

[01:18] -- gelogenicCryptadia [GC] buries their face in their arms. --

[01:19] -- titianAuxometer [TA] reaches out hesitantly before committing and wrapping his arm around them, pulling them into his side. --

[01:20] TA: everythiing ii2 goiing two be ok.

[01:22] -- gelogenicCryptadia [GC] readjusts, wrapping one arm around his frame and then resting their head against his shoulder. --

[01:22] GC: 1T W1LL

[01:25] -- titianAuxometer [TA] stiffens for an instant, his breath catching in his throat. He kept staring straight forward, nodding slowly. --