October Passed Me By 🍂˚ ༘ ೀ⋆
S.R. x Reader
MDNI 18+
a/n: alright lovelies I'm back :') I've been struggling quite a lot with my mental health like a whole lot. I apologize for being away for so long </3
summary: After showing up at your close friend Spencer's house to talk, things get heated and he realizes quickly he can't escape his feelings for you anymore.
tags: subby!spence x dom (ish)! reader, oral sex (f receiving), heavy petting, fingering (f), spencer cums in his pants (again), flufffffffff, spencer is head over heels, love confession, sex dream
w/c: 4.6k
"October passed me by like every month, but I still remember the times you took the breath out of my lungs." - girl in red
Spencer's apartment was filled with the smell of freshly baked cinnamon rolls he had just taken out of the oven, mixing with the scent of rain flowing in through the open window in his kitchen. Along with it went a breeze of fresh air that made the garlands chime.
Spencer wasn't much of a baker. Between reading and watching his favourite shows and movies, he admittedly didn't have a lot of hobbies, something that his sponsor had stressed was important during recovery–keeping busy, picking up hobbies, socializing, all that crap.
Lord knows he needed every distraction he could get. For the past few months he'd done everything in his mind to suppress whatever feelings he was developing towards you. He'd failed miserably. You'd grabbed onto his heart from the moment you'd become part of the team–being the kind person that you were, greeting him every morning with a warm smile, listening to him go on about his latest special interests for hours on end, knowing he wasn't much of a hugger but initiating them anyway when you sensed he needed one. Soon, he'd told you about Tobias, his addiction and how he'd been struggling with his recovery. Somewhere along the way you'd become the person Spencer would turn to whenever he messed up while on assignment, whenever he felt misunderstood by the whole world and the many, many times he didn't even understand himself.
Inevitably, he fell for you and found himself craving things he used to shy away from with everyone else–hugs, slight touches of reassurance, small talk which he hated but absolutely loved with you if it meant he could listen to your sweet voice as you went on about your day. Yet, whatever feelings he had for you, he never let them show because, if there was one thing he was certain of is that there was no chance in hell you felt the same way. So he settled for being your friend.
A knock on Spencer's door almost had him dropping the tray in his hands. He sat it down to go check who could possibly be at his door at this hour. Imagine his surprise when he opened the door to find you outside of his apartment, runny mascara, puffy eyes, hair disheveled as if you'd been in bed all day. His mind immediately listed off every possible reason for your surprise visit but before he his mind could go to darker places–
"Hey Spence, I hope it's okay to- I mean I hope I'm not disturbing you. I uhm. I just needed to talk to someone and you were the first person I thought of. I don't know if this is weird or anything but I-", Spencer's mind wandered off for a minute, delighted by the fact that for once, he wasn't the one rambling. Though, he wondered what possible reason there could be for you to be nervous around him, it had always been the other way around.
"It's no problem really. I-uh- I'm glad you decided to come to me. Please, come in."
Head to the ground, you stepped into his apartment, shaky hands by your sides fumbling with the hem of your dress. You opened your mouth as if to say something but nothing came out, you didn't know where to start.
"Have you been baking?" You asked then, a smile pulling at the corners of your lips.
"Oh. Yeah, I'm trying to pick up more hobbies. Do you like cinnamon rolls?" Spencer stood before you awkwardly.
"I love them."
Spencer took a plate out of the cupboard and placed the cinnamon roll that came out looking the best on it, handing it to you with a tight smile. You thanked him and you both moved to the couch in the living room so you could talk. He sat with you in silence for a few moments while you ate, occasionally smiling at him in approval as if to say now this is a hobby you should definitely pursue.
"Is this about today?" Spencer asked you suddenly mid–bite. You glanced at him, too distracted with the sweet taste of the baked good in your hand to process his question.
"Because it's okay. I mean not okay but it could've happened to any one of us, so."
You gulped down the rest of it, your expression falling slowly.
"But that's just it, it couldn't and it didn't. It was me. I let my feelings get in the way of the job, I let the unsub get under my skin and it could've gotten you hurt and I could never forgive myself if something ever happened to you." You let out an exhausted sigh.
Now it was Spencer's turn to be speechless because, although you were right, all he heard was that you were terrified of losing him. He knew it was unprofessional, he knew it was selfish–but you were sitting on his couch eating his food, and you were confiding in him out of all people. He couldn't help but think of the situation as domestic, somewhere in his twisted mind.
"Listen, it's- I mean I'm okay, the team is okay", he paused, his expression softening as he offered a warm smile "You're okay. In a way I admire you for it."
The confused look on your face wasn't lost on him. He cleared his throat before he began to explain. "I mean–how you're able to express your feelings so openly, how they just flow out of you as if it were nothing. It's admirable in a way. I could never do that."
As he ushered those last few words, barely above a whisper, something fluttered in his chest. He wondered whether you had somehow acquired the ability to read his mind and now knew what he was really referring to.
"But that's just it though, it's a curse in this field." You sighed, clearly frustrated and at that, his chest tightened.
"That is true, but beating yourself up won't do any good. He's in custody and we're all okay."
You forced a smile, knowing he meant well, but the guilt of what had happened still weighing on you, which was obvious to Spencer who was now listing off things in his mind he could do to make you feel better. He came up empty, until-
"Would you like to take a bath?", he blurted out without a second thought, regretting it the second the words left his mouth. He felt the blush creep up his neck as he watched you blink your eyes in surprise.
"Sorry?" You chuckled lightly.
"N-not like- I mean. Uhm. I can tell you're clearly still pondering over what happened and I thought a bath might make you feel better. Taking baths has great mental benefits you know, just fifteen minutes a day can make a difference in your overall health. Warm baths are linked to decreases in stress hormones and more balanced serotonin levels, which help regulate mood, it can help with muscle soreness and tension as well so-"
His voice died down when you burst out laughing. It weren't being mean, but Spencer cursed himself anyway.
"You know what, that actually sounds pretty nice." You reassured him quickly. "Unless this is weird for you–I know how you get with...germs and stuff."
Spencer fought the urge to tell you just how much he didn't care about germs when it was you who was about to get naked in his bathroom. Be cool.
"No! It's not weird at all. I'll show you where it is. The bathroom." He cleared his throat before getting up so he could lead you there.
Fifteen minutes later you were settled in Spencer's bathtub, the hot water slowly melting away all the stress and guilt. You had dimmed the lights, a cinnamon–apple scented candle lit in the corner and a soft breeze whispering in through the open window as you felt your eyelids shut closed.
***
"Does this feel good?" Spencer asked against your skin, never breaking contact as he kept prepping kisses along your neck, his hand leaving goosebumps all over your body from where it was drawing lines on your leg.
You nodded your head in response to his question, simply unable to speak, overwhelmed by how he seemed to be everywhere at once, his hands greedily feeling up your body while his mouth worked your neck.
"Yeah?" The question wasn't cocky, it was a form of asking for reassurance.
He was turning you into a puddle of want, teeth scraping and biting at your neck now, his body pressing impossibly closer into yours. In a rush of need you pulled his head up so he was looking at you. His lips were coated in a shiny substance which you made out to be water when you noticed his hair was wet too. Quickly you realized you were both in a steamy bath, now becoming impossibly aware of the overwhelming warmth that was enveloping you. His lips were not only wet but red and bitten, swollen, kissable. So you pulled him in and kissed him with fervor, a muffled moan escaping you at the feeling of his lips against yours. He kissed you back like he'd been starved off tasting you all his life, like his life's purpose was to have you bite his bottom lip, to have you swipe your tongue against his as he swallowed your groans.
He dug his fingers wherever he could get his hands on, anywhere, everywhere. You felt a familiar coil in your stomach, chased it, let yourself be enveloped by it.
***
The next thing you knew you were woken up by a quick, loud clicking noise and what you believed to be someone's voice calling for you. You jumped up slightly, some of the now cold water splashing onto the floor tiles.
"I-I'm sorry! You were in here for quite some time, I. I got worried, ha. But since you seem to be okay I'll leave you be." Spencer stuttered out as he did his best to look anywhere but your naked body. You were sure the sleep induced confusion was clouding your perception, and yet it was impossible to miss the way Spencer nervously ran a hand through his hair as he spoke. Or the very obvious flush on his face and neck. Or even how quickly his breath was going, how he was clearly trying everything in his power not to stare.
It made you hot, how undeniably turned on he was from catching but a glimpse of your body. The dream you'd previously had mixed with the situation you were currently in, Spencer right there 5 feet away from you while you were still trying to shake your arousal, made it so you speak the next words with a confidence you didn't know you had.
"Spencer, hold on! I'm. The water got kinda cold. I'm freezing, could you?"
He stopped in his tracks.
"Towel's on the-"
"Could you get it for me?"
Spencer swallowed thickly, heartrate picking up. He swiped his tongue over his lips, genuinely contemplating to just walk out of the door, walk out of the apartment, go somewhere else, anywhere. Shame built in him at how much he didn't want to do any of that.
"A-alright.", he cleared his throat as he maneuvered his way to the sink without looking up from the floor once. He picked up the towel on the rack and was about to hand it to you, but you reached for his arm.
"Will you help me dry off, please?"
At this point he was certain you had somehow figured out his feelings for you and were now making a mockery out of him, toying with him, dangling yourself infront of him as if to say you can never have me.
"What are you doing?" His voice sounded strained as he asked the question, defeated.
"I-I don't know, I just wanted you to help since-"
"Stop. Stop this, this isn't funny. I don't know if you're making fun of me or...whatever but I'd appreciate it if you could just. Stop."
"Making fun of you? Spencer I- I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I'm sorry." You start, grabbing the towel out of his hand where he was clutching onto it for dear life, eyes still fixated on the floor. You tried to cover yourself up as best as you could, shame flooding your body now. "I don't know what came over me really I've been so stressed and confused and-"
"I'm not- I'm not uncomfortable. You could never make me feel..." He let out a shakey breath before the next part "I'm never uncomfortable around you. The opposite really, I want you around all the time. I like you so much that, yes, maybe I do feel uncomfortable at times but not in the way you might think and so–"
Your mouth was hanging open, mind racing while you felt something bloom your stomach at his words.
"I'd sure love it if you wouldn't make a mockery out of my...my feelings. It's humiliating."
Everything had just come pouring out before he could stop it and now he was standing there with you, naked and just inches away from him and you weren't looking at him with disgust or anger.
"I'm not mocking you, Spencer." You reassured hoping he'd believe you, hoping you hadn't just messed up what was an amazing friendship. You lifted the towel off yourself and let it fall to the ground as your hand touched his arm again. He flinched, but didn't back away.
"Look at me."
Spencer didn't know if it was the electric jolts your hand on his were sending through his body, or the adrenaline of having basically just confessed his feelings for you, but against all odds he actually worked up the courage to lift his head. His eyes were still looking away from you, as if searching the room for a way to escape, knowing very well he wanted nothing more than to stay. It wasn't until your hand squeezed his that he really looked at you. And it was breathtaking.
Your lips wet and bitten, your hair stuck o your flushed face. You were breathing heavily, droplets of water dripping down your chin and onto your chest. His eyes followed the drops down your body and though he couldn't make out much, the sight made his knees weak. You looked like a goddess and he couldn't believe he had the privilege to see you like this.
"You don't have to help me dry off."
"Huh?" Spencer muttered, half listening now. His eyes were rested on where your lips were forming words, but he was focused on how drops of water caught on your bottom lip. He wanted to catch them with his thumb and–
"But can you atleast warm me up?"
Before Spencer could process what you were really asking, you were already moving his hand to your face. It rested there as you asked him, "Is this okay?"
Spencer nodded without hesitation, vibrating with want just from feeling your flushed face against his skin. His fingers traced your jawline first, then your chin and then he caressed your cheek as his thumb came down to swipe over your bottom lip, the touch light as a feather. Still, you found your eyes fluttering closed at the sensation. Spencer exhaled a shakey breath and before he could think about it too much, his newfound confidence had him slowly slide his thumb into your mouth as he watched your lips part for him. The sight was so so lewd but so beautiful, he found it hard to keep looking at you like this, but also couldn't look away. He watched in awe as you sucked on his finger like it was second nature to you, the sensation igniting a tiny whimper from him.
"You're so beautiful." He heard himself say before he could stop it.
You let go of his finger with a pop, your hand guiding his along your colorbones. "Thank you." Your voice was barely above a whisper as you kept guiding his hand to your breasts.
You'd expected him to start greedily groping at your chest but instead, his mouth found yours in a matter of seconds, a groan escaping his lips as he moved against you with need. Your damp, shakey hands found his face, droplets of water melting into his skin as more whimpers escaped him. His hand was holding on to your shoulder, visibly shaking just as much as you.
"You can touch me." You whispered to him when you pulled away to catch your breath. The look he gave you in that moment felt so intimate you could've melted into a puddle with the water. Instead, you kissed him again.
This time, he touched you–really touched you–fingers exploring the skin on your chest where more waterdroplets had accumulated. He caught them with his hand and kneeded at your breast, his thumb brushing your nipple. A moan escaped you at this and his other hand rushed up to your face resting there as he kissed you harder this time.
Knowing Spencer wasn't as experienced, you were curious to see how long it would take for him to break. Sure enough, you heard him whimper against your mouth, the movement of his hands against your skin becoming more urgent, desperate, needy. You took the opportunity to slip your tongue into his mouth to see if it would elicit more sounds from him.
You did.
Between breathless kisses and muffled whimpers, you'd started to grow desperate yourself, the growing heat between your thighs making it almost impossible to focus on anything but his hands against you. One of which had abandoned your chest and was now aimlessly tracing lines down your torso.
"Can I- Can I just. Do you want me to–" Spencer breathed against you. You didn't have to ask him to clarify what he needed, what you both needed.
"Yes. Please."
Another whimper escaped him as he finally let his hand slip between your thighs, not caring about his soaked sleeves or germs or anything he would've probably worried about if this were any other situation. No, right now all he was focused on was moving his fingers against you just right to hear those sounds from you again.
He couldn't contain the smile that spread across his face upon hearing your breath catch in your throat when his fingers found your clit.
"Yes that's- good. Doing so well." You praised.
"Yeah?" He breathed. He'd tucked his head into your neck, finding it almost painful to look at you–not only was his heart seconds away from combusting, he was also growing harder in his pants by the second.
"Mhm, use your fingers to–" As if he had read your mind, he replaced his ring and middle finger with his thumb and slipped the other inside of you.
"Fuck." Was all you could bring yourself to say and yet, it was enough to have him work his fingers harder against you, desperate to please now that you had allowed him to. He was pumping his finger inside of you while the other was working your clit as your walls clenched around him and your back arched up against his movements.
The room was growing hotter by the minute even though you had been sitting in cold water for the past twenty minutes or so. It felt like pure ecstasy, the way Spencer was kissing you. You smelled cinnamon on him, and old books. He smelled of autumn and rain and you could have just melted away if it hadn't been for his hand speeding up against you.
"Spencer! I'm- I-" You sighed out, your body arching against him.
"Can I- uhm. Taste you? Please.” He begged desperately, not bearing the thought of this being over before he had pleased you in every way he could think of.
"Of course- yes, of course, fuck."
Spencer slowed his movements before gently pulling his fingers out of you, turning you into a whiny mess under him.
"I'll make you feel good in a minute, I promise. Let's get you out of this cold water first though, okay?"
So he helped you out of the bathtub, wrapped a big fluffy towel around you and led you to his bedroom. The moment you stepped inside, you realized the room was so him–countless books on the shelf, papers and notes taking up space on sprawled on the desk, along with three mugs which you assumed had once contained coffee with an insane amount of sugar in them. You huffed out a chuckle at the thought.
When Spencer layed you on his bed you were in heaven, enveloped by the warmth of his sheets his scent on the pillows. You were suddenly very aware you were completely bare before him. You tried to hide yourself awkwardly, but Spencer wouldn't have any of it.
"Don't. Please." He breathed "You're so gorgeous. I can't stop looking at you."
He hovered above you, one hand holding himself up while the other gently pushed your hands to the side to replace them with his own. He was back to making you lose your mind in no time. You pulled at his sweater, a silent plea. He nodded, too focused on making you feel good to produce a single word, so you pulled his sweater over his head and let your hands trail over his bare chest. If his racing heartbeat didn't betray him, his breathing definitely did–he was panting just from that feather light touch alone. He kissed you once, twice, slow and precise, before he finally made his way down your body, prepping little kisses all over your skin.
You could only gasp in shock when Spencer put his mouth on you. He started off by licking a stripe up your core, simply enjoying the taste of you. He hummed against you as he lapped up your slick, wondering why he hadn’t done this sooner, how he could ever go back to living a normal life when this was everything he'd dreamed of. His hands gently curled around your thighs, holding you in place as he circled your clit with his tongue, not knowing if it would do anything for you. He’d had a couple sexual experiences here and there, but never like this, never with you.
Your hand found its way through Spencer’s curls as you spoke “Good- that’s good, baby-”
Spencer’s eyes shot up and he reluctantly parted from your core as he took a brief moment to examine your facial expressions.
“I’m sorry.” You blurted out, unsure if pet names were in the cards for you two, considering they usually implied something bigger, something more complicated.
Spencer gave your inner thigh a kiss, his hand caressing your other thigh reassuringly.
“No, I like it.” He confessed, going back to prepping kisses on your inner thigh.
“Love it, even.” Kiss. “Love it so much.” Kiss.
Spencer refrained from what he really wanted to say, his heart begging to put himself bare before you and have you accept him for everything he was–but his brain not letting him utter the words against you.
Never once had you hinted at this being more than just a one–time thing. It was a stress reliever for you if anything, he assumed. He couldn’t take his chances, the thought of losing your friendship simply too much for him to bear. He figured if this is what you needed, casual and easy, then this is what he would give you. Nevermind his feelings for you.
You sighed, head falling back into the pillows as you felt all the heaviness fall from your shoulders slowly, Spencer’s hands and mouth seemingly melting away all the stress that had accumulated over the past few weeks–months even. You had to ask yourself where Spencer had learned this. He was surprisingly skilled with his tongue, sucking and licking at your clit, occasionally kissing along your thighs again while his fingers replaced his tongue. He looked up at you with those beautiful brown eyes, looking for approval which you were happy to give him. Your hand twisted in his brown curls.
“You’re doing such a good job, baby."
This time you didn’t let it slip, you said with confidence, hoping he’ll catch the intent behind it. Which he did, or so you guessed by the way he whimpered into your mouth, hands desperately grabbing at your sides as he doubled his efforts to make you come on his tongue.
You suddenly noticed a subtle movement against the bed, realizing spencer was desperately trying to get himself off as he pleasured you. The realization had you moan high, hands pulling on his curls, forcin his head in your direction.
“Feels good, huh?”
“So good, so good.” Spencer mumbled against you, hands gripping at your plush thighs again, hips stuttering against the mattress.
It was getting too much, his hands on you, the movements against the bed, those big brown eyes looking up at you as if you were the best–the only–person in the world. His eyes studied your face as if asking for permission and you nodded your head immediately before he’d even voiced what he wanted to do. You felt Spencer slide his ring and middle finger inside of you again, a shiver running through your body at the feeling. He lifted his head momentarily to bite your thigh, eliciting a gasp from you.
“I'm sorry, I couldn’t resist.” He said in his defense, not a trace of remorse in his voice.
You moaned high when he put his tongue back on you, praise spilling from your lips. You hadn’t touched him at all but you knew he was close–his breathing irregular, his hips losing rhythm, his face a flushed mess, eyes watery–and you were determined to get him there.
“Are you close, pretty boy?”
“Hmpfh..” His tongue work was messy and unfocused as he breathed you in and got drunk on your taste.
“Do you want to come?” You gently gripped his jaw, forcing him to look at you again. “Well?”
“Please.” He confessed.
You smiled at him tenderly, unable to deny him anything with the way those big brown eyes were practically sparkling with want and threatening to overflow with tears. The sight had you bite back a groan.
Your thumb stroked his bottom lip gently. “Come for me, then.”
And Spencer did. His hips freezed against the mattress as he made a mess of his pants and the sheets, nonsense spilling out of his mouth as he rode out his high. You followed him quickly, riding out your own high against his tongue, fingers tangled in his curls so hard he couldn't help but whine against you.
You knew then–with him leaving trails of little kisses along your thighs, your hands, your chest, eyes sleepy and loving and kind–that this wouldn’t be a one–time thing.
***
Later, with his chest to your back and his arm around your torso in the darkness of his room, Spencer thought about how in a few hours you wouldn’t be in his bed anymore and how much he dreaded that. He knew then that you might be okay with keeping things casual, but he definitely wasn’t.
So he whispered your name into the silent room, hoping you were still awake.
“Yeah?” You whispered back.
“You know how I told you I admire how, uhm. How expressive you are with your feelings?”
You turned around then, facing him. It was dark but you could practically feel the heat radiating from his face as he spoke.
“I do admire that, I meant it and it would be hypocritical of me to not be honest with you a–and myself.” His hand came up to rest on your face. “I want this to just be...” He searched for the right words. "...just a mistake we made." He was very aware of the rules about coworkers dating, he was also very aware of how hard it was to care about those rules when you were playing with his hair. In his bed. In his arms.
"I want it to happen again." He confessed.
He expected you to freak out, maybe laugh at him. You did neither. Your lips found his, gently. It wasn’t for another few minutes that you parted from him.
“So let's make more 'mistakes'.” Your heart pounded against your chest as you spoke those words into the darkness.
Spencer grinned, heart so full as he kissed you some more, kissed you silly, kissed you to sleep.
The next morning–a saturday, thank god–you both slept in, not getting up until late noon. You kissed each other awake, had cinnamon rolls in bed, changed the sheets and ruined them again (and again). You spent the rest of the day tangled up in each other, kissing and talking, thankful for the night before and thankful for October afternoons.
***
so um this was kewtttt or wtv <333 notes, reposts & comments are appreciated mwuah love yall
