#studyingasian

1.    Reassurance

People who are mentally ill almost always have real problems with affirmations and self-assurance. We feel as though whatever we do is wrong, or simply not enough. But it can be very helpful to be reassured, in a calm way, that our efforts (or lack thereof) are sufficient.

In particular, a lot of mentally ill people who suffer like this were part of Gifted and Talented schemes when they were kids- a time when they could work productively without struggle, but when they could also coast and do well. In comparison, as young adults, the work ethic likely isn’t there, and they find they can’t survive on coasting any more. This can induce feelings of intense panic and anxiety, as well as feeling like they’re not good enough, which stunts any productivity they have left.

For example: if your friend says, “I’m not smart enough to pass these exams!”, try to reply in an empathetic manner- eg “everyone feels like that but you can pass!”, or even something like “regardless of how you perform in these tests, you’re going to be okay!”. It can also help to point out to a close friend that they are suffering from a chronic illness and so the efforts that they’re already putting in are impressive, considering that mental illness can diminish your energy capacity significantly. Although these might seem obvious (and probably are to your friend), it’s nice to get reassurance from other people that prove their mental illness wrong.

2.    Offering to help

Sometimes exam stress can overwhelm people- and this isn’t exclusive to mentally ill students. The immense workload that faces students when studying for finals, GCSEs, A levels, or other finishing tests, can pile on top of those with mental health problems especially, which makes it hard to know where to start. Again, those who are ill (especially with depression) have considerably lower energy stores than those who aren’t- which isn’t their fault! If you or your friend aren’t familiar, a good analogy is The Spoon Theory, which shows how quickly someone’s energy can go down from seemingly simple tasks.

A good way to help is by offering to help your friend out with their revision and homework. To make it clear, this by no means doing their math homework for them, or writing out flashcards. It means studying with them, not for them. If you both take, let’s say, a sociology class together, offer to quiz them, or read through practice essays together. Or if you both take geometry, work together to solve a problem. This is an amazing way to help your friend, as you’re helping them to study as well as reaffirming that they matter to you. And on top of that, helping friends is a great method of studying- teaching material to others can help you retain 90% of the knowledge!

3.    Help them to find their learning style

It’s practically studyblr lore that there are seven different ways of learning- visual, auditory, verbal, kinesthetic, logical, interpersonal, and intrapersonal. But as I mentioned, many mentally ill students didn’t discover their learning style when they were young, because while you were busy realising you learn best from bubble maps, they were in Gifted and Talented, way ahead. This was great for them when they were young, but now everyone else has caught up. They don’t know how to study, but everyone else does, and it puts them at a huge disadvantage.

However, it might be really helpful to your friend if you try to help them find their learning style. If they’ve studied for previous tests, you can look through how they’ve studied, and find their best grades (ignoring the difficulty of the topics) based on those methods. If they recorded themselves reading flashcards for a test and got an A, but tried group studying for another test and got an F, it’s fair to say they may well be an auditory learner. Or if their natural instinct for studying goes straight to writing a bubble map, they’re likely a visual learner. This one can be a long shot, especially with time constraints, but it might also just pay off.

4.    Take joint breaks

This one is a tad risky, especially if you both get distracted and procrastinate easily. But it’s also so important. Students who suffer certain illnesses can often find that when they have an upcoming test, all they do is study, regardless of how successful that studying is. This can lead to burnout and it means that all that effort could go to waste. Even those who have healthy study habits find that, when they take breaks, their minds spiral into negative thinking patterns that are really, really hard to get out of.

A good way to make studying a lot healthier is to take study breaks together. Emphasise to your friend the importance in a work-life balance- even if they tell you they know. It can seem obvious but sometimes it can slip your mind. And go and do group activities, but be mindful of their struggles. If your friend suffers from an eating disorder, don’t plan things that are centred around food, as this can overwhelm them- but don’t let them neglect eating. But perhaps go to the cinema, shopping, or any other activity you both enjoy. It’s healthy to let off steam and take a break from intense studying for at least a few hours.

5.    Make sure they’re practicing self care

This doesn’t mean making them do a £5 face mask, lighting a candle, and saying, “yep, I’m done!”. They’re probably still going to be depressed with smooth cheeks. It means checking in, with their consent, to ask, “have you showered today? Eaten a good meal? Had some water?”. Depending on the severity of their illness this can vary, but I guarantee they’ll find themselves concentrating more when they’re clean and well fed.

This is especially important, again, in those with eating disorders. It’s hard to find the line between caring and being overbearing, but so many people who suffer from EDs use studying as a distraction from food. Gently asking if they’ve been looking after themselves would very likely do them a world of good.

6.    Empathise with them

Empathy is perhaps the easiest one on this list- but also the hardest. Every mental illness and every sufferer is completely unique, and so some of these tips might not help at all, whereas others could be a lifesaver. Ask yourself, “what would I want if I was in their situation? What methods would help me through exam season if I was ill?”. Sometimes this can get you stuck, but quite often it can put things into a whole new perspective that might make all the difference, and strengthen your friendship at the same time.

7.    Prioritise yourself

Finally- don’t prioritise your friend over you, especially if you’re also mentally ill. Their struggles may seem like a mountain compared to your hill, and sometimes they are, but here’s the thing. There is only so much you can do as an outsider. It sounds so horrible to say, but your friend is the only person who can truly help themselves through this- even if it’s great to have a supportive friend as a cheerleader on the sidelines. Additionally, neglecting your own needs, like taking a break from others, looking after yourself, and studying for your exams, will just screw you over and make you ill too. Not prioritising yourself can mean you’ll walk in with one ill person and walk out with two: and you don’t want to voluntarily place yourself in a position where this can happen.