#stuart stone

- 28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes, 12 seconds. That is when the world will end. - Why?

The Boys Club (1996, John Fawcett)

Perhaps there's a very small target audience out there that will discover this Canadian crime comedy and will find it funny, but the flimsy sight gags and lazy bathroom humor doesn't land on a universal scale.

Violent, vulgar, and stupid, director Stuart Stone‘s indie “Vandits” isn’t totally terrible, but it certainly isn’t any good. Perhaps there’s a very small target audience out there that will discover this Canadian crime comedy and will find it funny, but the flimsy sight gags and lazy bathroom humor doesn’t land on a universal scale. By setting his story on Christmas Eve, Stone (along with…

Sean: We gotta find ourselves a Smurfette.

Ronald: Smurfette?

Sean: Yeah, not some tight-ass Middlesex chick, right? Like this cute little blonde that will get down and dirty with the guys. Like Smurfette does.

Donnie: Smurfette doesn't fuck.

Sean: That's bullshit. Smurfette fucks all the other Smurfs. Why do you think Papa Smurf made her? Because all the other Smurfs were getting too horny.

Ronald: No, no, no, not Vanity. I heard he was a homosexual.

Sean: Okay, then, you know what? She fucks them and Vanity watches. Okay?

Ronald: What about Papa Smurf? I mean, he must get in on all the action.

Sean: Yeah, what he does, he films the gang-bang, and he beats off to the tape.

Donnie: [shouts] First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village. But the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have... reproductive organs under those little, white pants. It's just so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. You know, what's the point of living... if you don't have a dick?