#strytlrx

           demeter could only stare at the place where macavity had disappeared, her breath leaving her chest in frightened, ragged gasps. she closed her eyes, her arms wrapping around herself, holding herself tight as though she was getting ready to fall apart and her own strength was the only thing keeping her together. she could still feel his grip around her throat, his claws in her sides -- his threats in her ear and his lips on her skin.       disappointing. dumb

       his words echoed around her head, taunting her, mocking her. as he so often did, he dug his way into her brain like a tick, burrowing and making his home there.. flooding her thoughts with terrible ideas and self-loathing. a particularly breathy, shuddering gasp left her lips suddenly, and she felt her front paws hit the ground, tears falling out of her eyes and hitting the ground beneath her.        broken, used

     she couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t THINK -- he was here, he was everywhere, all around her, trapping her in -- no, no, no no ---- she let out a strangled scream, her paws gripping into her headfur and tugging as though she could pull all thoughts of him out of her skull by will alone.      frail. weak. 

         when she’d heard that munkustrap was back, that he was HURT, her heart had jumped into her chest, and demeter was.. petrified. she had found herself running towards his den as fast as her paws could possibly take her, not even bothering to say goodbye to bomba, though she KNEW her sister would understand. when she’d woken up and he’d DISAPPEARED, she knew that he had gone to face his brother, and she’d told alonzo -- she’d told whoever she could to try to find him, but --- tugger had been the one. 

      stumbling into his den, demeter skidded to a stop and stared at him wide-eyed, tears already brimming in her eyes at the sight of him bandaged up. everlasting --  she could see a tired looking tugger cleaning up a --- lot of bloody rags. though she was upset, she was relieved to see him ALIVE, but that relief quickly melted into ANGER, and she stood up straight, clenching her paws tightly, the tears still shining in her eyes. 

         ah -- perhaps bombalurina had been hearing things -- or maybe she’d just said it to.. convince her to talk to him...? no --- bombalu would never LIE to her. her sister did many things, but lie to her face and try to get her HURT? she wouldn’t. there just.. HAD to be a different explanation. demeter glanced down at the ground, suddenly shy ---- a feeling she often felt around the silver tom, her heart thrumming painfully in her chest. 

STARTERS | x

    get to know her better? the thought made her want to LAUGH and CRY all at once. how could she ever let him get to know her? she shook her head, offering the silver tom a small, tired smile. oh, if he knew her, if he truly knew her.. she was so sure that he’d leave her behind in an instant. why shouldn’t he? perhaps he should, but even so.. talking about her life in any degree was.. painful. 

   “ there’s.. a lot to unpack ,” she confessed, running a paw through her head fur, a tired motion, before she moved to sit down.  “ …i suppose.. there’s no harm in telling you some things.. what.. what would you like to know? ”