When we customize our free time and align it with our core strengths, it allows us to involve in meaningful experiences even if we choose an activity to rejuvenate ourselves. For instance, a sports enthusiast can opt for watching a sports documentary, which they will enjoy, rather than watching any random series online.

Restorative: People strong in the Restorative theme are adept at dealing with problems. They are good at figuring out what is wrong and resolving it. I still scratch my head at this one. Maybe they meant causing problems? I am the BOMB at that :) 

Discipline: People strong in the Discipline theme enjoy routine and structure. Their world is best described by the order they create. Raises hand. First-born German Catholic girl here. 

Empathy: People in the Empathy theme can sense the feelings of other people by imagining themselves in others’ lives or others’ situations. I am a self-proclaimed Atticus Finch (pre-Watchman version)

Learner: People strong in the Learner theme have a great desire to learn and want to continuously improve. In particular, the process of learning, rather than the outcome, excites them. Remember that chick with bright notebooks at the beginning of each school semester? The one who was first to school because she couldn’t wait for the doors to open? Yep. That was me! 

Relator: People who are strong in the Relator theme enjoy close relationships with others. They find deep satisfaction in working hard with friends to achieve a goal. No shocker here. Except, don’t make me do team activities, please. I just wanna hang in the corner with my best friend. 

I had hoped for a few more interesting strengths like strategizer or intelligence or something really smart-sounding, but that never happened –even after testing twice. The goal of this test for our organization was to find a diverse set of people with different skills in order to cover all bases.

I hypothesized that these concepts might apply in a marriage as well.

While I didn’t talk hubby into taking the test, I easily postulated what his skills would be.

Grass Whisperer: He doesn’t use a lawn service or have a sprinkler system. I swear he simply walks onto the grass each season and chants magic growing incantations. He mows long after the first frost and complains that his grass is too plush and too abundant.

Circus Monkey Management: In his first career, Scott started as a cable TV tech, then moved to supervisor. Not long after that, he became a manager and then closed that chapter of his life by finishing as one of the top-ranked directors in the country. Now he’s a realtor without people management responsibilities, but that doesn’t mean he’s escaped the monkeys who need a little direction – he has a whole house full.

Flood and Risk Management: At the first threat of rain or a storm, you can bet that hubby has the generator ready, the sump pump primed, and escape routes planned. He doesn’t sleep on these nights, and I know it’s because he feels like it’s his job to keep us safe and dry and completely away from the flood that wrecked us several years ago.

Daddy Extraordinaire: I almost dropped extraordanaire simply because I couldn’t spell it right! But it’s the only word appropriate to describe. He does the hard stuff, and he’s so good at it. He knows when I’ve had a bad day and need a hug. He also knows when to go down to the basement and listen to whatever problem (football, girls, etc) has surfaced for the teenage man-cave dweller living in the basement. Same goes for the sweet girl who moved back home to go to nursing school.

Arranger: I grabbed this one from StrengthFinders 2.0: People strong in the Arranger theme can organize, but they also have a flexibility that complements this ability. They like to figure out how all of the pieces and resources can be arranged for maximum productivity. Need your dishwasher filled to maximum capacity? Scott is your man! Remember the egg photo from my recipe a few weeks ago? That was his work. He even has to make sure that the food is categorized within the shopping basket and on the conveyor belt when we check out–for maximum put-it-away efficiency. Want to see one of his favorite desserts?

An Arranger’s Nirvana

Of his five strengths, you might guess which one causes conflict. For example, how do you suppose an arranger would react to something like this sitting on a counter top otherwise absent of clutter?

  Or this…

  A “normal” person might relish in the accomplishment of fresh veggies from the garden to table to feed the family. Not an arranger. Poor Scott gets itchy when he sees something other than blank space on the cabinet. Our biggest tiff this summer?

What are you going to do with all of those stupid tomatoes we will never eat?

In March, I planted 24 seeds, placed them under grow lights and watched all 24 emerge like they were on plant steroids. Fast forward 4 weeks, and my basement was overrun by green. I moved everything out to the greenhouse in early April and counted the days until I could put those bad boys in the ground. Despite a minor mishap (hard frost, window open) I was able to save 13 of the original 24.

Normally, I’d give away all but six, but something snapped in me and I decided to keep all thirteen–I couldn’t bear to part with any of them.

“Really?” hubs said as he watched me dig a Baker’s dozen worth of holes.

“You are the only one who eats tomatoes in this family.”

Some couples fight over money, or discipline, or sex. Scott and I put on gloves and go to opposite corners when we talk produce.

He pointed at me, “You, little mama, are a vegetable hoarder.”

“I am not a vegetable hoarder!” and then stuffed a handful of purple beans in my pocket and scooped up tomatoes and peppers with my dress.

  In stubborn, German fashion I ignored him and continue to nurture and fertilize all spring and summer. By the end of May, they had grown to mammoth sizes. For June and July, they produced pounds of tomatoes like they supplied a Heinz ketchup factory.

Our family took a vacation to Wyoming in early August and my biggest problem was not packing or finding phone chargers, but trying to figure out what to do with a bazillion tomatoes sitting on my kitchen counter.

I didn’t have enough time to can them

You can’t really freeze tomatoes

My friends ran the other way when they see me coming with produce

For the each of the seven days leading up to the trip, Scott asked, “What are you going to do with those tomatoes?”

Then, his questioning became relentless until I decided to hide them in the garage refrigerator. Once the questions turned from tomatoes to departure times, I knew my  ‘maters were safe until we returned home.

After an awesome week with my family, parents and siblings and their families the tomato problem was still there when we got home. I did what every good vegetable hoarder wife would do. I lied about their existence until the evidence became smelly. I’d planned the entire time to put what I couldn’t eat into my compost.

When I couldn’t find the tomatoes for environmentally conscious disposal, I suspected foul play.

“Honey, did you do something with the tomatoes in the fridge?”

He took a couple of steps back, “What fridge?”

“In the garage?”

He looked puzzled for only a minute, and then his face gave away the crime.

“Did you at least throw them in the compost?”

“They were SMELLING! They were LEAKING! Why did you plant so many tomatoes??”

He spent the next few minutes spewing the anti-logic of planting thirteen bushes for a family who DOES NOT EAT tomatoes. He suggested that I tear up the entire garden and never plant another *($)%($$ tomato seed again. Then he launched into my vegetable hoarding tendencies and threw in a few barbs about the messy garden shed and weedy front bed.

His baby blues burrowed into mine, “Next year. ZERO tomatoes. In fact, why plant any vegetables at all? We can buy them at the store. You should put your whole garden to flowers.”

In my best (feigned) sheepish voice, I conceded, “You’re probably right. I’ll convert the vegetable space to a cottage garden next spring.” Then, I walked away pouting until I was around the corner.

There is only one thing I hoard more than vegetables.

Problem solved – marriage saved. My sexy arranger won’t know what hit him.

My greatest strength? Maybe I am a Restorative after all ;)

****** Part one in a three-part series :)

Last but not least...

People who are especially talented in the Futuristic theme are inspired by the future and what could be. They inspire others with their visions of the future.

Your Personalized Strengths Insights

Instinctively, you have a capacity for envisioning what the coming months, years, or decades could, should, or will be like. Frequently you are prompted to transform your ideas into things you can touch, taste, see, smell, or hear. It’s very likely that you think a lot about the coming months, years, or decades. You gravitate to projects and study subjects that promise to shape the future. You enjoy talking about possibilities that exist only in your imagination. You probably worry about being left behind if what you know and do were no longer valued or needed. You prefer to be a pioneer and an inventor. By nature, you take advantage of every opportunity to describe to others all the amazing things you see happening in the coming months, years, or decades. Your vision opens people’s minds to new and wondrous possibilities. You challenge them to consider ideas they might not have thought of on their own. Chances are good that you intentionally take steps to be the mastermind of your own future. You refuse to leave your destiny to chance. You probably resist placing it in someone else’s hands. You trust your own intelligence and imagination when setting a direction for your life. Because of your strengths, you might enjoy a group problem-solving technique that involves the spontaneous contribution of ideas from all participants. When you have acquired specialized skills or possess specific knowledge, perhaps you can suggest alternative solutions for certain issues. Now and then, your expertise excites your own or others’ imaginations. Maybe this occurs when you are encouraged to think what will be possible weeks, months, or even years from today.

I feel like this screams me - you?

People who are especially talented in the Strategic theme create alternative ways to proceed. Faced with any given scenario, they can quickly spot the relevant patterns and issues.

Your Personalized Strengths Insights

Driven by your talents, you customarily pinpoint the core problems and identify the best solutions. You artfully and skillfully eliminate distractions. This helps people gain a clear understanding of what is happening and why it is happening. You frequently identify ways to transform an obstacle into an opportunity. By nature, you are a self-reliant person who needs time alone to think and work. You generate innovative ideas and propose systematic programs of action. You likely identify recurring configurations in the behavior of people, the functioning of processes, or the emergence of potential problems. It’s very likely that you commonly opt to work by yourself. You trust your talents, knowledge, and skills to identify problems. You consider numerous solutions before you pinpoint the most appropriate course of action. Questions and answers materialize without a lot of effort on your part. Instinctively, you thoroughly examine many of the problems you face in your life. For simple difficulties, you probably discover the right solution early in the process. When handling complex matters, however, you frequently labor long and hard to identify what is actually causing the predicament. Often you can pinpoint fundamental glitches or missing steps. Eventually, an economical, efficient, or diplomatic remedy becomes apparent to you. Chances are good that you long to know more so you remain on the cutting edge of your field or areas of interest. Your inventive mind usually generates more possibilities than you can handle or fund. Nonetheless, you are committed to acquiring knowledge and/or skills. You study everything involved in a situation and conceive entirely new ways of seeing or doing things. What you already know prompts you to ask questions and delve even deeper into a subject or problem.

People who are especially talented in the Command theme have presence. They can take control of a situation and make decisions.

Your Personalized Strengths Insights

Driven by your talents, you can prepare people to encounter danger, bear pain, or withstand adversity. You fortify others so they grow stronger. By nature, you empower people with your air of certitude — that is, confidence. Your very presence reassures them that they indeed are quite ready and capable of tackling assignments, spearheading projects, or playing key positions on a team. Because of your strengths, you have the confidence needed to work on projects by yourself. You are inclined to take chances as an individual performer when doing so improves the results. Your daring ideas probably are less appreciated when you are part of a group. It’s very likely that you are an original and innovative thinker. Others frequently rely on you to generate novel concepts, theories, plans, or solutions. You refuse to be stifled by traditions or trapped by routines. You probably bristle when someone says, “We can’t change that. We’ve always done it this way.” Instinctively, you notice that people heed your demands. What you say and how you say it can even frighten and threaten people. You probably have used this effect to influence individuals to do what you want.

People who are especially talented in the Ideation theme are fascinated by ideas. They are able to find connections between seemingly disparate phenomena.

Your Personalized Strengths Insights

Chances are good that you frequently opt to systematically study various subjects, rules, processes, mechanisms, or programs when you work alone. In your opinion, having the freedom to decide how to approach a project is one of the advantages of being an individual contributor. Instinctively, you engage life with gusto. Bursting with creativity, you approach assignments, tasks, projects, opportunities, or problems. You like to take the innovative path rather than follow the traditional and tried-and-true ways of doing things. It’s very likely that you often opt to work separately from others. Even so, you probably are quite sensitive about what people think of your contributions, accomplishments, talents, limitations, or other traits. By nature, you genuinely like to work on things by yourself. Whenever you can concentrate on your own tasks, assignments, or projects, you are likely to conceive original and innovative ways to approach your work or studies. Because of your strengths, you favor conversations where information, facts, or data are considered objectively — that is, emotions do not distort the truth. You pose questions, evaluate answers, and figure out how things work. Reducing an idea, theory, or process to its most basic parts provides you with many insights. You are likely to archive — that is, preserve — your discoveries so you can use them later.