#strap in

dont get too attached to this work because theres a solid 50% chance i never touch it again but idk guys im kinda feeling this one. also i wrote this hyperfocused and high in two hours

10:36am

You wake up to the smell of cigarettes and vodka, a thin sheen of sweat on your skin. Your eyes feel like they're stuck together as you try to open them, the sunlight sending a flash of pain that travels through your eyes and down your spine. You rub your eyelids, letting your head adjust to the bright room. 

You genuinely had zero fucking clue where you were for the first minute you were awake, but as you spotted a couple of your friends and bandmates scattered across the couch and carpet infront of you, you calmed slightly. You had always been an early riser, no matter how late the night had gone. It was a blessing and a curse. 

You drag yourself off the couch cushion, sitting up and nearly standing on someone still sleeping soundly next to the couch. Turning around to grab your phone, you see Ellie slouched against the couch, her head against her shoulder and her arm wrapped around cushion you had fallen asleep against. You had become all too familiar with the way your heart skipped a beat at sights like this. The two of you were like the release of a song, tense until you weren't. Building and resolving in an infinite loop. At least that's how you liked to think about it. 

You tear your eyes away from Ellie's sleeping form, standing up off the couch and trudging up the basement stairs to the kitchen. After rooting around in drawers and cabinets full of prescription bottles and other various items, you finally fish out a bottle of ibuprofen. Checking for the symbol your friends and household used to delegate over the counter medication, you down six red pills, needing this headache to go away. Fuck your liver. If anything was gonna take it out, it definitely wasn't gonna be a little extra ibuprofen. 

With that taken care of, you brave the obstacle of sleeping bodies and walk across the living room, grabbing a joint out of a hollowed out book you used as your own little hiding spot. Nobody was awake to catch you, and god knows these losers don't read. With the joint hanging loosely from your lips, you go back to the spot where Ellie was still asleep, poking between the cushions for any one of your lighters. Finally finding one and pulling it out, you accidentally graze Ellie's elbow, waking her. 

She blinks tiredly a few times, and you watch as her eyes deglazed, finally focusing on your figure infront of her. "Sorry," you hissed, and she just shook her head smirked softly. There was that feeling again. 

"Gonna wake n' bake without me, huh?" she muttered with that raspy morning voice that made your throat tighten. She sits up, stretching her arms and back, cracking her neck, the whole Ellie routine. Then she stands up, following you to the upstairs patio.

The two of you snuck upstairs, giggling under your breath as you stepped over some random guy sleeping in your kitchen. He had a pillow and blanket and everything-- just laying on the kitchen tile, stiff as a board. Ellie tried getting you to mess with him, but you just rolled your eyes and pulled her outside. 

The two of you settled on the outdoor loveseats, the cool air refreshing against your clammy skin. Ellie makes a snarky comment about your hair, you nudge her arm a little too hard, and your faces get a little too close together as the two of you laugh. Ellie reaches out to fix the part of your hair, threading her fingers through it until it her part laid to the side, just where you like it. You distract yourself from the heat of her skin by lighting the joint, taking a deep drag before passing it to Ellie. She leaned lazily against the back of the sofa, hitting it as she fixed her smudged eyeliner in her phone camera. 

You loved how she looked right after waking up. You didn't know if it was just that you liked being there at such intimate hours, or if it was just the vulnerability of it. Whatever it was, you never could stop yourself from admiring the little things-- the soft curve of her jaw, the slight crease in her eye, the fry of her voice as she speaks. Your thoughts are interrupted as she passes the joint back to you. 

You pass it back and forth a few more times, using your few conscious memories to puzzle together some semblance of what had happened last night. You eventually gathered that Jessie, your drummer, had invited his girlfriend, Dina. You loved Dina, and she was basically an unofficial member of the band, but she was a model. 

She wasn't crazy famous, but she was a solid B-lister. She was their marketer, bringing up their names anytime she heard met talent directors, label producers, or anyone she deemed they could be useful to be known to. Unfortunately, she also knew that the best way to market was to network. And her favorite way to network was through partying. Hard. 

Ellie hands the joint back to you and reaches behind the sofa, pulling out one the many acoustic guitars she kept hidden around the house. You roll your eyes at her smug smirk, and she begins to just strum a small tune in the background of your conversation as you guys unpack what happened at the end of the night, how *both of you* managed to not even make it back to your own rooms in your own house. 

It's mostly Ellie talking, because you remember next to nothing. Occasionally, Ellie brings something up and a memory flashes in your mind, but nothing concrete. You watch as her lips move, then her hands moving gently against the guitar. She wasn't playing any song, just improvising, going with the flow while her mind was in a completely different space, proving that it was really just muscle memory to her at this point. 

"You were really fucked up last night," Ellie laughs, and you cringe in embarrassment, shrinking back into your own skin. You shove her lightly, still covering your face. 

"Dude, stop. My hangxiety is already bad enough as is," you sigh, taking another long drag of the joint. She titters, her foot kicking yours playfully in retaliation.

"Don't worry it wasn't that bad. You just fell down a spiral staircase. And tried to keg stand a wine barrel, and I don't think you want me to continue..." Ellie teased as you collapsed backward onto the couch, looking up at the sky and blowing smoke towards it like you could create the clouds. 

"I don't, I really don't," you laugh through a cough, crossing your legs over her lap as you get comfy in your new couch spot. Ellie's hands are busy on the guitar, but she nestles the guitar snugly against your thigh. You guys chat like normal as she keeps strumming away, both of you too high to care about the simmering tension. 

You two have gotten good at ignoring it. Good at keeping things friendly and professional, for the sake of the band. Except for the fateful nights when it builds too much. Nights that you had too much to drink and Ellie cut one too many lines. Nights that you rolled hard with Dina, popping ecstasy in the backseat while Ellie and Jesse shared a joint in the front. Nights that you were both completely sober, but you just couldn't help it. Nights that made it so much harder to just blame it on the drugs. 

Just as you finish your joint, snuffing out the embers on the ashtray, Dina swings the back door open. She looks at the two of you, her eyes narrowing. Your legs across Ellie's lap, your messy makeup, Ellie's sensual strumming of the guitar hugging your hips. "Are you guys fucking again?" she speaks with one eyebrow raised. It isn't an accusatory question, more of a Can you guys just get this over with already?

You scoff and bury your face in your hands, and Ellie stops playing, laughing with a hint of hesitation. "No, Dina, jesus. Can't be just hang out? Be like, I don't know, band members?" you say so confidently that you almost believe yourself.

"If band members is what you wanna be," Dina retorts, seeing right through you but knowing she wasn't gonna be the one to get you guys to really talk. You rolls your eyes, but Dina just shrugs. "Whatever. You got weed?" 

"In my room. Pink box on my nightstand, bring it out here," you say. "And one of my hoodies, if you please," you grin at Dina as she slips back into the house to go grab your stuff. 

Dina was only gone for maybe a minute, but it felt like longer between you and Ellie. She started playing again, but neither of you spoke until Dina returned, the chirping of the morning birds mixing with Ellie's strings to create a symphony of intimacy. Quiet, unspoken, and hungry.

Dina returns with your bag, and one of your favorite hoodies folded over her arm. You sit up, your legs slipping off Ellie's lap, and she reaches out to them for just a moment, like she didn't want you to leave. She swallows and her fingers return to the strings as you scoot away from her, making room for Dina. Dina rolls her eyes and goes to sit between the two of you, setting down her bong and pulling out your mason jar of fully ground bud. Ellie shook her head and laughed softly, and you softly smirked because you knew knew Ellie thought it was ridiculous that you stored your weed like that. A small bottle, sure, she had said, but she thought your full jar was just overkill. Truth is, you enjoyed the calming little ritual of grinding every last bud every time she bought a new ounce. 

Dina filled the bowl of her bong quickly, lighting it and passing it around the couch as she raved about the party they were going to tonight. Ellie groaned, feeling drained just from last night, but you were actually pretty excited for once. The party Dina had the band going to tonight was Abby Anderson's. She was exactly what their band wanted to be, so getting in with the crowd was essential. And for the cherry on top, you and Abby had been texting daily for the past month, with Abby practically begging you to come over every time she hosted. Finally, you had said yes. Dina practically exploded when you told her, but was a bit hesitant. "What about Ellie?" she interrogated you, knowing your tendency to return to her. 

"That's over, Dina. Has been for a while," you say with enough poise that Dina mostly believes you. She looks you in the eyes, looking for any sign of a lie before huffing and moving on.

You hadn't told Ellie, but you were pretty sure she knew. You knew Ellie was observant because you were too. You noticed when her eyes flicked to your buzzing phone, briefly reading a text from Abby before you shut your phone off. You noticed how her demeanor shifted, just slightly-- tighter, more closed off. Not enough that anyone else would notice, but you always did

8:26pm

The bathroom is a medley. No Doubt plays out of your phone, even though you have speakers throughout the house-- you were already late enough. Dina's hair straightener snaps rhythmically as she works it through your hair. You're sitting on the counter, portable mirror held up as you do your makeup, carefully and precisely applying eyeliner on your top and bottom waterline as chaos ensues around you. Riley is asking Dina if she can borrow a different shirt every ten minutes, Jessie splashes some water on his face and throws on a flannel to get ready like the annoying man he is, and Ellie is looking under the bathroom counters for a specific cologne that she swears she still has (she gave it to her ex). Through all the barricades, you guys manage to get ready by 9pm. Dina announces that the uber has arrived, and everyone piles into the SUV. 

It's only about a half hour drive across L.A. to Beverly Park. They certainly weren't poor, but it was a stark contrast to the middle class suburbia they called home. They all gawked as they passed mansions upon mansions, finally ending up at Abby's. They all load out of the car, hearing the music from outside, multicolored lights flashing inside, microcelebrities and insta influencers crowded all around the spacious front and back yards.

"Dude, where the fuck are we?" Ellie huffs a small laugh. She knew it was gonna be a bigger party than they were used to, but she was not expecting this. "Is this Beverly Hills?"

"Beverly Park, the Hills are about ten minutes that way," Dina says, throwing her arm around Ellie and guiding the party inside. You send a quick text to Abby letting her know you were here, and she answered immediately that she would come and find you. As you guys stepped inside the house, everything was shining, tall ceilings making the room feel less crowded, even as it overflowed. After a moment, you saw Abby coming down a staircase nearby, and you waved. Ellie had already noticed her, and her eyes flicked between the two of you, her body physically tightening as she tried to act like it didn’t affect her.

You walked over to Abby as she got to the bottom of the stairs, arms wrapping around her in a tight hug. Abby’s hand came down to the small of your back and it made Ellie feel physically sick. She turned away from the sight, not ready to face what she had just finally convinced herself was a paranoid assumption. Abby greeted Dina, kissing her on the cheek. They had been best friends since middle school, and Dina was pretty much the only reason that you met Abby in the first place.

Abby guided you all to the unofficial VIP area in the backyard, where some influencer that you recognized but couldn’t name was tending to a bonfire like his life depended on it. Abby stepped behind the bar, offering to make everyone a drink. You grinned and accepted, as well as Riley and Dina, but the way that you and Abby looked at eachother made Ellie’s stomach turn violently. When Abby asked her what she wanted, she almost refused, her and Jesse usually preferring to stick to “real drugs” as they called them, but she figured that with how she was already feeling tonight she would need all the artificial assistance she could get. 

Abby serves up everyone’s drinks, sliding a vodka soda down the bar towards Ellie. Ellie thanks her with a tight lipped smile, picking up her drink and walking over to a nearby table with Jesse to smoke a joint. As Jesse pulled it out of his flannel pocket and lit it, Ellie couldn’t take her eyes off of you, not able to tone her feelings down. Jesse whistled quietly to get Ellie’s attention back, and she took the joint from him, taking multiple hits in one sitting, desperately trying to distract her psyche by any means possible.

You sat at the bar, chatting with Abby and for the most part forgetting about Ellie. You didn’t turn to look, but you knew she was there, and she could feel it every time Ellie looked at you. You sipped the mediocre margarita Abby had made, ignoring the way your hair stood up on your back when you briefly caught Ellie’s eye in the mirror behind Abby. She looked away quickly, put you still noticed. You laughed at a joke you didn’t hear before downing the rest of your drink. “How ‘bout you pour us all a round of shots, miss bartender?” you wiggle a teasing finger at Abby as Dina and Riley clap in agreement. Abby pours them out, and you tip your head back, washing your anxieties down with the searing liquid.

The night starts to blur as it gets later, more people arriving and some leaving, but your group had managed to stay together. At the moment, everyone had gathered around the fire pit. Abby held you as you both chatted with the people around you. Dina had started dragging around a few of her friends with the group, Riley and them drunkenly laughing. Ellie and Jesse were still on the outskirts of the group chatting with eachother, but that wasn’t unusual. What was unusual was the guilt that you felt. Abby’s arms were around you, but Ellie’s stare surrounded you. Her eyes stayed trained on you, even as she engaged fully in conversation with Jesse and some random dude who decided his input was needed on their topic. 

You just kept drinking to ward the feeling off. Every shot gave you ten to twenty minutes where you could ignore it, but once the alcohol passed your heart, the feeling crept back in. After what must have been your fourteenth shot, you felt Abby’s hand cup your jaw, tilting it up and pouring a shot straight out of the bottle and into your mouth. Her thumb swiped a bit that had dribbled onto your lip as you swallowed the rest, pursing her lips as she watched your throat pulse. 

After a moment of hesitation, she closed the distance and pulled you into a slow, heavy kiss. You stilled slightly but melted into it out of habit. Her lips were soft, fitting against yours perfectly, moving with a passion that would’ve usually blinded you, but you just felt a pit of dread when she kissed you. It was perfect, she was perfect. You were the problem.

Ellie swallowed, her eyes automatically darting away when Abby kissed you, trying and failing to shield her from the truth of her situation. She coughed on the hit she had just taken, handing the joint back to Jesse and excusing herself to go get some water. 

“Sorry to do that in front of all your friends. Just couldn’t resist you,” Abby whispers against your ear, earning only a nervous laugh from you. 

“No its- it’s okay, I don’t mind,” you lie, just trying to act normal, and apparently you do a good enough job that Abby believes you and moves on. After a minute of Abby talking, of course about herself, you excuse yourself to the bathroom. She offers to show you to it, but you insist you remember where it is. 

As soon as you’re close enough to see each other, your eyes find Ellie’s through the tall glass windows, leaning against a half wall. When she sees you, she starts walking away, which only makes you speed up as you walk towards her, navigating through the crowd and thanking god she was tall enough you could keep track of her. The crowd dissipated the further you followed her into the endless house, finally catching up to her as she reached for the handle of the door. 

Ellie turns around and grabs you before you can grab her, pulling you into the bathroom and kissing you against the door as soon as it shut. She pins you there with her hips, her hand angling your jaw upwards to perfectly slot her lips against hers. You kissed her back without hesitation, breathing her in like air. Her tongue swipes at your teeth, seeking a desperately welcomed entrance. 

Ellie slotted her knee between your thighs, pushing it upwards until you gasped into her mouth.

She broke the kiss, trailing her lips down your jaw to the pulsepoint of your throat, her teeth tugging softly at your skin. Your breath staggers as you put your weight on the door behind you, a million thoughts racing through your mind. The alcohol, the guilt, the need, it all stirred together into a state of complete erasure. 

The Jedi Code was taught to you. Engraved in your mind.

Harmony, serenity, peace and knowledge. The force. The lightside.

All the bad things; chaos, emotion, passion, ignorance, death.

The darkside. You learned to not fear the darkside, but instead to embrace the force.

Even though you didn’t have the maker forsaken force inside of you! Not even a litte bit! None of 'the force' had found its way into you!

Luke Skywalker and Ahsoka Tano trained you as if you did!

Why!?

They spent so much time building you from the ground up! They made sure you had muscles and could run for long distances. The pair trained you how to fight with your hands!

Your hands know how to use a lightsaber! That's not an easy feat, and it takes a long time to learn that skill.

Oh, how long? A really long time!

Two years!

Two long years without any sign of that man in the tin can outfit! He's never called, he's never come to visit!

Two. Fucking. Years.

Sometimes you hated Din for leaving you here but you very quickly remember that you asked for this. 

Wanted this more than anything.

Foolish!

You wanted so badly to make sure the child was cared for; the child was older than you are!

Much, much older! Not even a baby at all, but a toddler where he comes from. A very special toddler. A force sensitive toddler.

Coming here was a mistake! The only thing you do here is clean up the messes Grogu- that's the child's Maker forsaken name. He has a name!

Grogu makes messes, so you clean them, and get hit with sticks as some sick and twisted form of 'training'! It feels like a joke when they told you to 'block your face and important organs' and then started to pummel you with the hardest, most fast moving sticks you've ever seen!

Not having any amount of the force inside of you really makes training with Jedi's incredibly difficult! Grogu seemed to be having a blast training with Skywalker.

They trained differently, so unfortunately the two of you didn't see each other much, and when you did, your time with him was cut short.

The two of you grew up here a little, together while separated.

Luke and Ahsoka claimed that you babied him and it would impeed his training, so they kept you apart as much as they seemed humane. You became so very depressed without the child and Din.

All alone even though you were surrounded by so many people.

The nights that you got to spend with Grogu were usually spent laying under the stars outside the Jedi temple, speaking fondly of Din.

Mostly for the child's sake, because you only wonder if he had completely forgotten about you.

The answer to that question came when Luke came to Grogu with a gift. 

“A gift?” You say with a curled lip.

Have you not just spent all of your time here; learning the way of the Jedi? That was an attachment and you– in your two years becoming a mock Jedi– were weary. The darkside. The emotion. The attachments.

This was scary.

Luke held the gift in his hands while he spoke. You're subtlety looking for your gift but... you don't see one. Only one parcel.

Oh.

“This gift would be the end of both of your Jedi training, should he keep it. Attachments may not be had, by anyone.” Luke looks between the both of you as you stand before him.

Why is he looking at you!? You might stay at this temple and learn all the ways of the Jedi and become the most powerful non-force sensitive Jedi the galaxy has ever seen!

“You both have come so far, you have so much potential. Both of you.” Luke’s eyes fall on you. “I’ve been surprised before, but this was a pleasant one. Watching you both learn so much. I hope he both makes the choice that’s best for you.” Luke looks to Grogu and hands him the package wrapped in brown paper.

“Why couldn’t I stay if he wanted to leave?” You ask Luke. 

“You come with the child. You leave with the child.” Luke explains simply. 

Maker-- alright. You can’t argue with that. You don't have much to offer besides cleaning up the kid's messes. They're probably tired of watching you perfect the lightsaber.

You're actually pretty good.

Grogu glances up at you just as you look down at him. You kneel on one knee so you can be closer to him, and watch as his six little clawed fingers struggle with the twine wrapped around it, but he uses the Force.

“Cheater.” You whisper to him.

The gift is beskar. A piece of... Mandlaorian armor for Grogu. 

“ Mando said he can’t put it on until he sees you–” 

“M-Mando’s here?” You interrupt accidentally. Your heart begins to pound in your chest at the thought that you might actually be able to see him right now.

Luke gives you a knowing look, as if you should know better, and shakes his head from side to side.

“Ahsoka sent him away. It would interfere with your training. If you wish to stay here and train, continue to learn the Jedi way. You both have come far, but it’s nowhere near close to done. Accepting this would end that training.”

It’s a warning.

The energy in the room is so intense. You can feel electricity in the air almost. Grogu is still standing beside you, looking down at his own piece of beskar.

What’s he going to do?

Luke reaches into his robe.

Everyone here has all these hidden pockets for things in their clothes. You have a couple hidden pockets now too . For things you may need to hide and pull out in moments just like this one day. You hope. It’s so cool when they do that.

Luke hands Grogu a lightsaber. Grogu’s own lightsaber. 

“You have a choice, young padawan.” His gravelly voice rakes across your brain. 

It's so quiet for so long. 

Grogu touches the lightsaber softly. Admiring it. He did the same thing with the armor. 

So long you waited. Understandably, this was a hard choice.

Grogo picks the armor.

Grogu and yourself are on a ship to a hangar where Din is waiting for a response. Your knees are complete mudslides right now. They are not supporting you and they have two years of Jedi training behind them. They’re strong. 

The nerves got to them, though--ate away all the tendons you ever had and dissolved the muscle down to nothing.

Din had been on your mind every single day for two years, and he didn't even ask if YOU wanted to come back. Only Grogu! You feel like a fool sitting next to the tiny green toddler.

Where are you supposed to go when Din tells you that he doesn't need your services anymore!?

The ramp of the ship drops down and there is a cloud of dust. And then there he is. Standing at the base of the ramp, like he had been waiting for you two. Or apparently just Grogu. Since he’s the one who got the gift.

It’s fine. You’re fine. No attachments. Perfect. You’re basically a Jedi. 

Grogu, who is so much faster, so, so much faster than you ever remember him being, flings himself at Din, and attaches himself around his neck.

You watch in amusement, wishing you could do the same thing but you’re partially a Jedi now, so you keep your composure and walk down the ramp slowly. Your mouth is so dry, you don't even attempt to swallow because you know it'll just end in you choking.

Din hugs the child tightly. Their embrace is so sweet. So kind. It makes you smile so hard your cheeks hurt.

It makes your heart pang as well.

They hug for a long time before Grogu looks back at you, pulling away from Din’s neck. Grogu extends a curved hand to you. You suddenly feel a gentle pressure around your waist, and are being dragged forward, against your will, feet stumbling beneath you. 

You point your finger at Grogu. “Hey!” You shout. The pressure around your waist stops and you’re set back down on your feet carefully. “I told you to knock that off!"

This is Grogu’s new, fun game. Picking you up and putting you where he wants you. He hasn’t stopped doing it since he learned how.

Dropped you a couple times in the beginning. 

Din chuckles from under the helmet. “I see your relationship has changed quite a bit.” His flat rasp is the same as you remember it.  "He's the one carrying you around now,"

“It’s basically still the same. I have to yell at him for doing things he shouldn’t.” You scowl at Grogu, who hides himself behind Din's helmet.

“It’s nice to see you," Din's modulated voice is even and quiet. As if he doesn't want to say it at all.

That’s it. No hug. Nothing. Not even a handshake.

You could hit him. For several seconds you think about doing it.

Now your fist– with two years of Jedi training– and it might actually hurt him. It might hurt him a lot, and you’d feel good about it. So good.

"It's nice to see you, too."

The anger is pumping in your veins as he leads you through the hanger behind him. You look at all the ships, and look for the Crest but you don’t see it anywhere. Eventually Din stops in front of a ship much larger than the Crest. Bigger guns on it too. 

Din just stands there and looks at you with his stupid helmet shining in the bright light of the hangar. You don’t know what to do. He dropped you off on Ossus where the Jedi temple was, and didn't give you a hug. Not a pat on the shoulders. Literally nothing.

"Keep the kid out of trouble. You'll hear from me soon."

That's all Din had said before he and Grogu went to say their goodbyes!

"It's a new ship." Din points to the giant hunk of metal he’s standing in front of. His beskar looks exactly the same. Maybe a new scrape or two. A ding here or there but you’re not even looking. Not even paying attention to him. Trying not to. 

“Okay...” You resort to using your favorite word.

Why, Maker? Why can’t the man in the helmet speak? Is his helmet on mute? Always so fucking quiet. Until you don’t want him to be, then he won’t shut up.

Din leads you inside. Shows you the sleeping quarters. There are two beds. One for each of you.

There is a separate room for the child.

The dining room is nice and everything else is so nice. So much nicer than the Razor Crest. Even the cockpit you have no idea how to use. 

You look all around the hull like it's very interesting. This is so awkward. Not what you expected when you were on your way here. It's not like you expected a welcome back party. Maybe a hug. Something. 

"What happened to the Crest?" You ask, trying to avoid looking at him.

"It was destroyed."

The sleeping quarters are different from the Razor Crest. The beds are close together, but separated and welded to the floor so there is no way to move them closer together.

The mats that are nestled into the metal frames are thicker and much more plush than the one you had slept on for so long before you were banished away to the Jedi temple.

It’s fine. You’re fine. No emotion. No attachments. It’s all fine. 

The small bag that holds your very few belongings stays packed in case he doesn't plan on you staying very long. He could very well be headed right back to Cantonica to drop you back off at the Canto Bight Casino!

The three of you eat dinner in silence.

Din says not one word to you and you don't try and strike up the conversations like you used to. Things feel so different now, like the two of you are complete strangers all over again.

Grogu has changed in ways that are hard to describe. He's still a baby in your eyes even though he's older than you and Din.

The two of you play together on the floor while Din or maybe you should call him Mando again, since you barely know this man after two whole years, does something in the cockpit.

Grogu warbles and you watch all the new, fun things he can do with the Force that aren’t moving you unwillingly. It's the first real fun the two of you are able to have since being dropped off at the temple. You missed being able to play with him. You still snuggle him at the protests of Luke and Ahsoka-- how could you not when he climbs into your lap and cuddles into your arms.

Like he knew you couldn’t resist. 

Grogu can put himself to sleep now which is incredible, and that means you have time to do whatever you want.

So you’re in your bed with your nice new sheets. They’re soft. Like the ones on the Crest.

It’s dark here, too.

Maker, what in the stars?

The sun shields in this ship are no joke! There's no light at all. If you have to go to the bathroom, it’s just blind wishing that you don’t break you toes, or bump into a wall and potentially crack your skull. 

It feels like you were completely forgotten about in those two years and now, in the dark silence of your shared sleeping quarters you just want to cry...

An emotion!? After two years of strict Jedi code training---

There is a ten thousand degree warmth on your upper arm in the void, and it scares you half out of the bed. Your tops of your feet and knees are on the cool metal of the ships floor, and you're leaning against the side of the bed-frame like you are praying to Maker.

“I was going to see if you were sleeping," Din's rasping sounds-- happy to talk to you?

You're unsure. Nothing else about the way he's spoken to you, or treated you at all makes you think he wants to talk to you.

"That's not how you find out if someone's asleep!" You bark at him angrily.

"You're awake though.” A flat, unimpressed response to your outburst.

Maker, if you had your own helmet with night vision, you’d use all your new fun Jedi fighting tricks on him. You sure would, because who is he!? Who does he think he is!?

After two years he can come back and just throttle you awake in the dark like before? Nope. Not this time. 

“You’re lucky I can’t see you right now.” You say over the pounding heart in your chest. “So lucky-- What do you care if I'm awake in the night?! Let me sleep!” You’re so cold with him, mirroring him perfectly minus the emotion. “I’m tired.” You lie to him. 

In the usual Din fashion, he remains quiet. He still had his hand on your arm, and it's not like you really made an attempt to pull it away because it’s hot like you remember.. Burning you, he's so warm.

Din is also so fucking quiet! Maker! Is he okay?

“Tired?” Din’s voice rasps in the dark. "Then why aren't you sleeping?"

You realize the metal man has no grip on you whatsoever. He was just touching you very, very gently, and you easily could have pulled away at any moment.

So you you tug your arm away and you climb back into bed and face the opposite direction from him. "I was trying to sleep when you come over here-- shaking me in the darkness!"

“You…” Din trails off in the dark. “Still don't know the meaning of shake?” He questions you like a dumb idiot. 

"Get away from me!" You almost shout it. "Just leave me alone!" You humph, and pull the sheets over your shoulder.

"Are you... mad at me?"

“Are you kidding me!?” You whisper at him. “I don’t know how you could leave me out there for two years, and I get nothing!?” You sit up in your bed now and talk blindly in the dark. “Nothing. No visit. No calls. Nothing.” You cross your arms over your chest. "No gift!"

Din stays silent- which was predicted- so you carry on.

“But you get Grogu a gift, which was very sweet. Very cute armor, he is going to look very cute it in.” You think of the child dressed in the armor and it's kind of amusing and slightly distracting.

“Are you done?” Din’s stupid modulated voice rings out in the dark after a minute of you imagining an armored Grogu.

It's so dark and you still don't really know where he is, so with your accusing index finger pointing in the direction he could be in, you almost shout, “No! I’m not done!”

You are in fact, not done.

“They treated me like I had the Force in me. Do you know how hard that is when you don’t have the fucking force in you!?” You exclaim in exasperation, still pointing at him.

You start to speak again into the blinding darkness when a warm hand very gingerly moves your accusatory pointing finger eight inches to your right. 

“I figured I should at least be getting pointed at, if you’re going scold me,” Din rasps.

You die inside and wonder how dumb you look in the dark. “Why did you even bring me back? Hm? Why not just send me right back to the casino? Or is that where we’re going next? Gonna just drop me off? You even gonna land first or just let me duck and roll?” You huff, officially done with your rant. 

“Are you don-” Din starts, but you cut him off. 

“Yes!" You snap at him, and then you huff one more time for good measure. You're so angry with him.

So much for all your Jedi no emotion training. 

“I have a gift for you.” Din says flatly through the modulator. 

Oh.

“Well it’s so dark in here, so how would I know that?” You snip at him, not sure you’re fully ready to forgive him. You roll your eyes now. 

“Would you still like it? Or are you too upset with me?” Din’s modulated rasp asks you, sounding annoyed.

Why does he have a right to be annoyed? He could have given you that gift the minute you step foot of that return ship that brought you back to him.

Why wait until the darkness!? Why!?

“Yes, I would.” You hold your cupped hand out into the dark and feel something cold and hard fall into it. “It would be nice if I could –” 

The brightest beam of light you’ve ever encountered shines directly into your eyes. It’s blinding.

You jump again, out of bed because what the fuck is that!?

Is this an attack!?

What even is that light? Where is it coming from?

Thankfully, you wrapped your hand around the thing Din dropped into your hand so you didn't fling it into the abyss to never be seen again before you ever even got to look at it!

“Why are you on the floor?” Din asks, as you hold your free hand to your chest. You blink up at him, having to shield your eyes. 

“Are you the light right now!?” You question him squinting your eyes in its brightness. "Are you the one blinding me!?"

“Yes." Din dims the light tremendously somehow from within his helmet and now, it’s easier on the eyes. Like a candle flame. "Was it to bright?"

“It was too bright! I don’t think I’ll ever see again.” You snip softly, resting on the floor and putting your elbows on the bed. 

You inspect the small pink crystal in your hand. It takes you a couple seconds to realize what it is.

“Is this a kyber crystal?” You look up at Din who is knelt down on the other side of your bed.

He nods in the now pale light that's much easier on the eyes. “I got it on my travels. I thought that if you knew how to use a lightsaber, I’d get one for you. Put this crystal in it.” 

Maker. What is happening? 

“You thought of me?” You didn’t mean to say it. Part of you is still mad. 

“Everyday .” Din’s awe and amazement voice is back. “Di- Did you not think about me?” Just as quickly as that sweet familiar tone had shown up, it's gone just as fast. Din can' believe that you didn't think of him during your time apart.

“I did.” You say quietly. “I thought you had forgotten me. Without the visits or calls or gift.” You do feel silly now because this really is a sweet gift.

The sweetest gift. More sweet than the notebook and the credits and anything else he's ever given you. The small pink crystal in your hand means so much to you. The fact that he got it for you, was thinking about you while you were gone. The fact that the meaning behind the gift is so big. You own lightsaber if you wanted one. Din would get one for you. Said it himself. Your heart is racing in your chest.

“Never . I’ve been waiting to see you. Been thinking of you. Looking at your doodles every night.” He turns the light off and takes the crystal from your still outstretched hand. 

“Hey! That’s mine.” You reach for it but he leaves you kneeling next to your bed like you are praying to Maker in the dark again.

“I’m going to give it back.” Din raps . “Do you want to get back in bed or are you content on the floor?” 

You’re blinking into the dark. Wondering how dumb you look now on the floor blinking into the void. You scramble up without assistance and crawl into bed, facing the same direction as before. Away from Din. 

Secretly, you’re hoping he’s sans beskar and crawls into bed beside you and lets you hold him like he did the nights before you left. With your arm around his waist, stealing his radiating heat from him while he sleeps. You’d mill kisses softly across his shoulders and you’d listen to him sigh and make sleep sounds in the darkness.

But that doesn’t happen. It’s so quiet. It’s so still for so long. You wonder if he’s crawled in his own bed and is fast asleep. What could this all mean? The gift? The cold welcome back after two years? Everything you did before you left? What did it mean and did you accidentally fall for a potential half man- half droid that’s never going to show you his face? 

The dark is still, so quiet and unmoving. You feel like you’re alone in the room. 

“C-can I touch? Or are you still too upset with me?” Din asks quietly, the rasp of his modulator is gone. His sweet deep voice is right in your ear. It doesn’t startle you because you’ve been waiting to hear him speak for so long. 

“No.” You snap. “You couldn’t come touch me for two years! I would have let you then, any time you came to visit, I would have but you-”

His lips on yours stop you. You almost try and push him off, but Maker. I

t feels so good. His warm, soft lips on yours after all this time. You both open your mouths slightly, and as tentatively as Din touched you for the first time two years ago, his tongue slips past your lips and into your mouth just as slowly.

It’s gone as soon as it appeared. 

“I tried.” He whispers against your open mouth. “I got turned away every time. So many times I tried to see you.” He’s speaking fast, like he’s trying to explain himself to you before you beat him off of you with something hard you’ve found in the dark. “ So many times, little one." 

The words melt over your tongue as he speaks them, almost as if they were your words.

Ahsoka and Luke never told you he came to visit. Not one time. 

“I tried. I never forgot about you. Too perfect. Too beautiful to forget..." ” His bare hands cup your face as you speak. “Never forget you. Everyday I look at your doodles. I look at you, and miss you."

You're breathing in the words he's speaking into your parted lip. He kisses you again softly. You feel the bed shift next to you and he’s crawling beside you.

“Do you dislike me again?”

Maker, Din somehow got warmer. He’s running a fever all the time and his body feels like the embers in the fire pit at the end of the night. 

“Again?” You whisper as he pulls your face down to the pillows with his. 

“You didn’t care for me much before the doodles.” Din kisses your lips again, gently as his hand slips from your cheek. “I didn’t think you’d let me.” You can feel his warm breath on your chin as he speaks. 

“Let you what?” 

“Touch. Watch. The first time.” His real unmodulated voice whispers to you. “I've missed touching. Watching."

A warmth hovers over your middle, you reach for it. Tt’s Din’s hand, hovering above your stomach, under the blankets, but over your clothes. 

“Touch me.” It almost doesn’t come out of your mouth because it’s so dry. But you croak it out and swallow hard as the word leaves your lips because you hope he does. You hope this isn't like the first night all over again where he makes you do it alone.

Din obliges and lets his hand drop, you feel the heat spreading out along your nightgown starting from where his hand rests on your lower stomach. It makes you inhale sharply. It’s such a familiar touch and you missed it so much. 

Din sighs and drags his hands gently and slowly up your stomach, the fabric bunching at his wrist as he does it.

He's lifting your nightgown. 

“Din,” You whisper as his palm cups one of your fleshy tits over the nightgown.

His rough, calloused hands were so gently, touching you so sweetly until your hand rests on his, you make him squeeze you. You make him because you need to know this is real and these soft gentle touches feel like a dream.

Din grips you now. He can feel your desperation in your hand on his. Squeezing and pulling and tugging at your flesh. 

“Fuck.” He moans softly into your shoulder where his head was resting. The fiery goodness from his forehead felt like it was melting you. “Perfect. Beautiful.” He says the word like he doesn’t want to. Like he’s been forcing them back but they’re breaking free from his vocal chords.

You can almost feel his heartbeat. Or maybe it’s yours.

You don’t know. 

It’s just obvious that this is what you want and you need him. Badly. However he’s willing to give himself to you or however he wants to take you, you don’t care. You’ve been waiting and thinking about this for two years. Your body reacts to his touch like you were built for him. Your pussy is leaking and throbbing already and he’s only touched you once. 

There's a new warmth, a wetness to these sensations now. Din’s wrapped his mouth around your clothed nipple and is sucking. Biting gently over the nightgown you have on. It sends shivers down your spine.

Words come flowing out of your mouth before you can even stop them. “I've waited so long for this.” You whimper quietly.

Your hips are rolling against the bed below you because everything just feel so good, everything is just so overwhelmingly pleasurable. Din’s hands and mouth on you, the heat he's passing along through his touch. 

“Touch. I wanna hear you moan.” He murmurs against your breast. He’s still biting and sucking it through the fabric like he’s too impatient to take off the nightgown. He just can’t wait any longer. 

“I need you to touch me.” You whine quietly. “Please.” You’re begging him. “Please, Din, I need to fee-” But he doesn’t make you beg long, his free hand slides between your legs and he sighs loudly against you. 

“”Fuck. Fuck. You're s-so wet. So fucking perfect.” Din bites your nipple a little harder now, but then he pulls way. “Let me lick. P-Please. I just wanted to watch but now I need to taste you.” He’s moving down between your legs as he talks to you. Then he stops.

“Okay. Okay. Please. Do it, please.” You’re already spreading your legs but he’s getting off the bed again. “Nononononono.” You whine, reaching blindly for him in the dark. You’re on the verge of tears. “Please don’t leave me again.” 

It’s so quiet. It’s like time stopped. 

“Din?” You whisper. “Did you leave?” 

“Where would I go?” He answers but he’s further away from you now. "It's my ship."

“Well you’re obviously not here– where you were!” You exclaim quietly. You hear him chuckle in the dark. 

“Come to my bed. I want to do something. New.” 

Oh Maker what could that mean? A new stun gun? Some weird thing he found in his travels?

Does he want to make you the lightsaber and put the focus crystal inside you? That’s where you draw the line.

“What does that mean?” You ask nervously, clutching the sheets to your chest as you stare into the void. “New?” 

“Come here. You said I could lick, yes? Let me.” Din’s voice in the dark makes you drop the blankets your clutching and swing your legs over the edge of the bed. “Come, little one. Let me lick you. Let me taste you.” His voice guides you to him and you start to crawl into his bed but he stops you. “Leg.” He says into the dark.

“Leg?” You ask, confused. Din reaches for you in the dark and taps your upper thigh. 

“Leg.” He says like he’s teaching you body parts. “Swing it up here over my head.” 

“What!?” You exclaim. “You want me to do what?!” 

“I want you to sit on my face.” Din’s smiling in the dark and you can hear it in his voice. 

“And you’re going to taste me like that?” You’re exasperated. You’ve never even heard of this. What does that mean, sit on his face. “I’m going to smother you!” 

“Then I’ll die a happy man. Get up here.” Now he’s impatient. Din’s been waiting for this just as long as you have.

You swing one leg over his head and straddle him, pressing both hands to the wall in front of you. The ship's metal is so cold on your clammy hands. You can feel him breathing against your inner thighs as you sit on your knees above him.

“ This is perfect.” Din whispers. You can only whimper quietly because you’re so nervous, you feel so exposed up here. “You want me to lick…” He leans up and gives the very top of your slit a quick teasing lick. “Here? Yes?” 

Your knees buckle because Din’s tongue is just as soft and just as warm as you remember and you do want him to lick there. You can’t find words for how badly you want him. All you can do is let out a breathy sound of consent. 

“Beautiful.” Din wraps his hands under your thighs and pulls you down onto his mouth, his tongue is ready. Eager. Waiting for you to be on him, for him to be inside your folds. “Just as I remember.” He whispers into your pussy, tasting that flavor he memorized before you left and thought of it often. “I touched myself, thinking of you. To your doodles. To your flavor.” Din takes the flat of his tongue and licks you from your opening all the way to your clit, slowly, he presses up against you so you feel him. 

He wants you to know he missed you. 

“ Maker, yes. ” It’s moaned softly as Din presses the flat of his tongue against your slit and lets you ride his mouth. It’s the hottest thing you’ve ever experienced. Why were you so scared? Being on top of him, this way, you were in control up here. “ Oh Din, yes.” You’re not holding back tonight. 

You’ve been waiting to do this. Dreaming about it at night and waking up in the morning having to give yourself some sort of pleasure. You slide one hand down into his thick, coarse hair, just enjoying the feeling of it between your fingers again. You hear Din moan from between your legs and his tongue moves against you faster. 

Your fingers tighten in Din’s hair as he holds you around the legs, you’re pinned down onto him. His tongue is lapping and exploring your folds. Licking at all the spots he remembers make you squirm. He memorized every inch of you before he left and he’s been thinking about you, keeping it fresh in his head for this moment so he can make you whimper and quiver like he used to.

Din is panting underneath you, he’s working for what you’re about to give him. His tongue was drifting between those big lazy circles that had you whimpering and begging him for more and tight fast spinning around your clit. That’s when his hands found your hips and started to move you on his face, his tongue flat, stroking your clit with each movement of your hips. 

“Please don’t stop.” Pushing yourself off the wall you’ve been leaning against, you hover over him now, rocking your hips on your own. You found a rhythm with Din’s help. He holds your hips tighter now–not messing with the rocking of your hips–feeling you roll yourself along his mouth. As he does that he pulls you down harder on his tongue. Your free hand finds his hair and you grip it tightly now in both fists and grind down against his flat, strong muscle. “ Oh fuck yes . Din, I’m so close.” You’re whimpering for him.

Din moans loudly from underneath you, his hands now moving to your ass. He gropes and spreads your cheeks. 

“M-moan again.” You stutter, your hips grinding harder and faster. The vibrations from Din’s moans will be enough. 

Din obliges happily and moans loudly again, over and over as your head falls back, hips never stopping their rocking motion on his tongue. 

“Oh, fuck–ing yes. Din, oh Maker!” You cry out. You don’t care if The Razor Crest is gone, you have those memories inside your head forever. You don’t have to hold back nearly as much here. You can let him know how fucking good he makes you feel. Your body is quivering as you grind against him. You can feel the prickles of his facial hair on your inner thighs and lips as you ride him.

Being on Din’s face like this was heaven. You can hear him noisily licking and sucking at the new wave of juices that are dripping from your entrance. As the warm ball of fiery goodness spreads through you, you start to shudder and tremble on top of him, his tongue never stops moving against your clit and then dipping inside of your hole to taste you as you leak out. Din laps at you until there’s nothing left. Sucking your lips into his mouth at the end to make sure he didn’t miss anything. He leaves you trembling above him for so long he has to tap your thigh again for you to swing It over his head. 

"Sorry." You pant. "That was good. I'd do that again." You go to stand off his bed and you feel him wrap his arms around your waist. 

"Don't go. Share the bed." He whispers up to you. "I waited for so long." 

"I waited too!" You exclaim as all of your anger and fear of being forgotten about returns. "I waited for just as long as you did! You sure didn't act like you missed me or waited for me. Not until the lights went off at least." You're storming to your own bed now. You move quickly, not wanting him to hear or see the tears in your eyes.

You've been keeping this in for a long time. Letting it bottle up until you can't keep it in anymore. And the fact that he confessed all those nice things just to be able to touch you.

Din doesn't say anything in the dark, letting you try and find you way back in the void. It makes you sadder that he isn't trying to comfort you. The tears come, quietly, thank Maker, as you get into your own bed and wrap yourself in the covers. It isn't until you let out a little weeping sound that you hear him shuffle and then your bed shifts under his weight. Din's pressing himself into you gently, wrapping his arm around your waist. 

"If you had reached for me, you could have felt my heart from under my beskar." He whispers in your ear. "I did miss you. I did wait for you." A small kiss along your jaw, "You didn't seem like you were happy to see me today." He sounds disappointed. "I thought you had forgotten about me. Maybe someone with a face and who didn't leave made you forget about me." Another small kiss in the same place. "I sat in the dark for so long, wondering if you were thinking of me. I had to come find out. I did't mean to scare you. Don't cry, little one. Please?" He's kissing your face gently. 

"I don't think anyone could ever make me forget about you." You whisper into the void.

tag list: @thereaperisabitch @pedrospookie @furiousmushroom @creepycorbeaux