The more someone gets to know me. The worse things turn out. Save yourself the trouble

I feel like there’s no escape from this pain....i live in a cold, isolated, dystopic society and it breaks my heart. I feel so disconnected from everything...other people, nature and myself. Thiis society is so toxic. I wish I could live close with my family and friends but we’re all spread out. I feel like a total stranger where I’m living and hardly know the people I live with at all. I feel like a zombie and I don’t know how to get out  of it except by traveling and connecting to my humaness again. quite frankly I feel like I never learned how to make a life in this society and Im pretty sure this isn’t where I belong. I haven’t felt any real form of emotions in months...i fell like with each day that passes a light is going out and I feel this urge to just go, go find what I need, find it.