#straightsippin

Librarians are allowed! Unless you plan to indulge yourself in the aforementioned and banned eggheadery. 

Basically from what we gather, given that the classified ad for Pump Up the Volumes book club was placed by Ephram Pettaline and the only other member to date is Bellamy Barnes, it’s a book club for … let’s say, people who prefer the novelization of the movie rather than the novel that the movie’s based on.

Dim people, we’re saying. Dim people.

Every other Friday night unless there’s a typhoon, folks! Just bring a non-perishable food item to donate to the Soapberry Food Bank.

At this point we’re starting to think that Miguel’s official credential is literally Cute Doctor, since every time we’ve gotten mail about him that’s how he’s referred to. Can somebody confirm? Is he an MD or an AD(orable)? Did he do his residency in Lollipop Land and use a stethoscope that looked like a daffodil trumpet on the end of a glowstick necklace? Is he required to wear a doctor’s coat that’s at least three sizes too big for him?

--oh yeah, and he’s Evil. Not really as important as our questions, we assure you.

Good! Unless there’s at least three and a half people in Soapberry at any given time who are plotting his demise, Iann Cardero’s not happy.

Nobody ever in the history of the world would want Iann Cardero’s hair. Not even for making wigs for otters with alopecia or to stuff the seat cushions on the #7 bus. And that goes double for moustache rides.

And then they’re gonna use a Wilton piping bag as a condom.

Her affairs of state?

LOL JUST KIDDING we know you mean the dirty illicit sexy kind of affairs. Danny Harrison’s one thing -- she’ll only have Steve to contend with -- but she better not shake Sheriff Pettaline’s tree again, or she’ll find herself facing off against another Queen.