#stillsoftvoice

Everyone goes through a rough patch in their lives every now and then.  I am going through mine right now.  I don’t tell you this for you to feel bad, or to make you call or to make you feel guilty.  I tell you this because it is important for you to know that even the happiest of people have a mountain to climb every now and then.  

This Sunday morning, I woke up to silence. Not a scary silence.  A calm silence.  It was so calm that for some reason, I turned my cell phone off, didn’t turn on the television or listen to music.  I just sat with myself.  I did laundry in silence.  I worked on a project in silence.  And then…I needed to walk.  Now those of you who know me pretty well, KNOW that I don’t walk. I mean, I walk short distances but I am NOT a walker.  My mother was, my brother is and my nephew is.  But me….NO.  So when the notion to walk hit me. I did so without a thought. I had no destination.  I just walked.  

For a while, the sun was beaming down on me.  I got thirsty but I didn’t stop at the store.  I got tired but I didn’t stop.  I took my phone and turned on a sermon by T.D. Jakes where he said:

“I know I didn’t give you enough for what I called you to do.  I know your gonna go through a period that you are spinning out of your stuff trying to help somebody else.  I know that you are gonna give courage when you need to be encouraged.  I already know you’re gonna be operating in the red.  I know you feel tired cause you’re giving more than what you expected.  I know you’re out of budget and out of energy and out of emotion.  I know that you are suffering from compassion fatigue.  You’ve helped everybody and I know you’re wondering ‘when is somebody gonna help me’. But the lord said everything that I ever gave to you, you thought it was your harvest but you were wrong.  It was your seed. He said now…I’m getting ready to bring you your harvest.”

As an instinct, I looked up because at this point, God and I were having a heart to heart conversation and I wanted him to know I heard him. And I kept walking…

You know, I never understood why my mom walked so much. I didn’t think she was one of those folks that just did it to be healthy. I walked with her when I was younger and I found it uneventful because she didn’t really do much talking.  Only when I would ask her a question would she say something.

As I walked to today…my hearing became clear but my vision was tunnel. I thought of what I am going through.  I thought of how I could get through it.  As I passed by people I thought of them as my obstacles and I moved around them swiftly.  Walking….keeping focus…concentrating. When I got home I collapsed on the bed and wept.  I was weary from my walk but he kept me strong. I wept because I knew, even if I didn’t know how, he would get me through my rough patch.

And I am grateful for what it is that I don’t see yet…