#steven gem

Day 23: Ever watch a movie or show and wish it had ended a different way? This is your chance to correct the plots to conclude the way YOU wanted it concluded! Oh boy, this may end up getting controversial lol I get the thematic point behind it, but Steven should have died when they removed his gemstone, that gem should also be dead, how you had an alive gem Steven and alive human Steven makes no sense.

Blue aragonite

Ice + Aquamarine

It's 3 in the morning and as usual, I can't sleep. Its so silent, so peaceful, so cold. As I look through my window, i feel empty, sad, forgotten. I know I shouldn't be like this, but I can't help it. The silence of the night just added to my misery. The cold made me long for your warmth.

As look through my window, memories starts flashing back, as if it was just yesterday that it all happened. I could still vividly remember everything, the way you laugh, smile, sleep, the way you eat, talk, everything. Maybe this is the result of missing you too much :P

*sigh*

We were happy right? We have dreams. We shared laughter and tears. Though we didn't see each other as much as we want, we still did love each other, right? :')

God know how much I'm missing you. I miss us. Do you still remember how you comfort me with your words? the way you make me special? the way you make me feel that I'm the most  beautiful girl in the world? :') Whenever I'm with you, i feel so happy, I can smile without any pretensions. I feel so light. Just being with you makes me feel complete, special, and loved.

Maybe I'm just so madly in love with you. But I have no regrets. I love you and I love you more. I wanna be with you until forever. You are the one who put that extra super happiness in my life, the reason i wake up smiling in the morning.

But everything's not in all bright colors..

I could still remember how much I tried myself not to cry every time we need to say goodbye. How my knees weakens as the bus gets nearer. I tried to hug you tight and held your hand but we can't do anything about, we just need to say goodbye. One kiss, one look, one glance, and there you are, in the bus, far away from me. You may not see it but my tears fell. I don't wanna let you go. I want you  but fate is not in our side. We had no choice but to deal with it.

*Tears*

We were happy before right? :') You love me, and I love you. Our love was strong, what had gone wrong? :(

The long talks became short. Instead of sweet messages, we had arguments. No more phone calls,cam to cam, we got nothing except for sms. We argue a lot. The man that I loved before became impatient, harsh, heartless. He said I should blame myself for this, i deserve this, i deserve o be treated like this. I changed him, maybe I did, accidentally. The jolly, understanding, sweet and patient boyfriend that I had was gone, forever. Seeing him like that hurts me a lot and knowing that I was the one behind it tortured me. You started rejecting me, ignoring me, making me feel worthless, i feel so empty.

I know I'm selfish, pessimist, useless bitch. But please don't be mad at me, i just love too much. I'm selfish because I only want you in my life. I'm a pessimist because I'm too scared of losing you. I know I misunderstood a lot of things but why can't you understand that I just can't keep quiet about this :( I'm sensitive, I'm a cry baby and you're the only one who hurts me the most. :(

I always thought that I'm the only one who suffers, I complain a lot. You got irritated. I'm sorry if I can't say straightly to you that I just need your attention :') Your love, your sweetness. :') I know I'm not really good in saying what I feel, I'm sorry :'( I miss the old you, the old us. I miss laughing with you, the attention you are giving me, the way you hold my hand, everything and remembering all those things hurts me a lot :(

I love you, I love you so much. I know I'm making our lives miserable and I'm sorry for that. You wanted me to change, I'm doing it. I may not succeed now, but someday I will. Hope by that time, you still love me.

Maybe I'll talk to him days from now, I'm not sure, but I will if I know in myself that I'm ready to face him again, the one that I truly love :">

It's past 3 in the morning now and here I am, still unable to sleep. Random thoughts came into my mind but it all leads to him. I know I should stop thinking about negative and sad thoughts about you, about us, but I can't help it. I'm sorry, I just can't.

I met him last 2009. A shy, quiet type of guy with chinky eyes and skinny body frame. We were not that close, actually. He came to the place where I had been staying to and that's where it all started. I noticed him first. I don't know why but the first time that I laid my eyes upon him, I felt something, something that I wasn't sure of. I ignored that feeling. Not knowing that he'll play a big tole in my life. He's not my type actually ('m not into chinky guys before )and his a little snob when it comes to me. But as the days goes bye, we became friends and got close. To make the long story short, we became lovers.

Our relationship wasn't smooth sailing. Knowing me, the stubborn one, the one who always start the fight, what do you expect from me? But he then, the super patient, understanding boyfriend was always there, patiently waiting for me to cool down. With that kind of attitude, I easily fell in l;love with him. Who wouldn't want a super patient and understanding boyfriend? plus the sweetness huh?

So he was like that, sweet, understanding, patient and never failed how much I am loved and cared for. But then he changed. He always say that I'm the reason behind it. Though it was painful, I have to admit it. I'm the reason why the man that I love changed. So stupid of me.

The one who was patient became impatient. The one who was always careful with his words suddenly became someone who doesn't care whether i got hurt or not. I feel alone right now. The feeling of being loved by him was lost. The man that I love and adored was gone. :( I regret everything that I did for you to hate me this much :(