Top Posts Tagged with #steve pining

Bucky-

i don’t really remember it.

Steve asked, the nurses asked, my soldiers asked but i just had no idea. I drew blanks thinking back to that day. i remember repeating my number, i remember Steve finding me and him being more then double his original size. i remember being scared, not for me but for Steve. As soon as i saw him and it all clicked i worried for him more then i ever did before because this time i wasn’t there to save him and help him through it. I hate to know Steve’s felt pain so knowing he felt it without me just crushes me.

Actually i remember dying. I remember feeling my skin being burnt off and prodded like some type of pin cushion. i remember the smell of my skin burning off, i haven’t been able to able to smell properly since. i tasted metal and parts of my gums and teeth were being crushed away. i could hear them calling me “subject” mixed with some language i couldn’t understand. i remember not being able to see, i wasn’t blindfolded, my body was failing me when i needed it most. i wish i hadn’t lived sometimes because as much as people disagree surviving is never beautiful. it’s not heroic like they tell you in fairytales or movies, it’s dirty. it’s tears streaming down my face and sobbing in a dark corner. It’s blood on my hands and on my face, it’s fear and feeling numb at the same time.

i don’t preen myself for being a survivor, i lull myself with stories of a life where i have never been forced to fight in the first place but when death takes my hand i will hold onto Steve’s with the other and promise to find him in every lifetime.

#i can’t deal with steve’s grief so here’s bucky’s #steve bucky #stucky #steve rogers x bucky barnes #steve pining #steve missing bucky #steve rogers #avengers #marvel #natasha romanoff #steve’s diary #tony stark #bucky barnes #cacw #captain america #catfa #the winter solider

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Here’s a few dreams (more memories) i have had of him recently

It was a warm July evening, my birthday was in a few days so we were up late planning the party, i was about to turn 16. He told me he loved me first. And i told him i loved him, and even if i wasn’t sure if i did, i felt it common courtesy to say it back. And maybe that was wrong of me, but then i slowly began to realise that i loved him with all of my being. I loved the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he laughed, the way his smile would bring a warmth in my chest which reminded me of a lazy summer afternoon like this one, the way that he made me feel handsome and strong even when i didn’t believe it myself. i fell in love a little more each day. And by the end, i felt that the words ‘i love you’ didn’t even come close to expressing how i felt for him.

In this one we had just gotten back from school a couple weeks after the first dream, mum forced us to complete our homework before dinner. He grinned at me. “You’re the stupidest person i’ve ever met, did you know that?” he chuckled. “i get that a lot, Good thing you help me with me with my homework! But you love it, don’t you?” i teased, he creased my cheek. “I don’t know, do i?” he laughed. “I sure hope so, because God, i’m so in love with you. You’re probably the only smart decision I’ve ever made. And if it’s that way forever, i’ll be the happiest man alive.” He kissed me sweetly, like he was whispering love sonnets onto my skin. I hated waking up from this one.

This one had mum in it too, i was happy to see her more, i miss her more everyday. We were at Brooklyn national park, the Barnes’ took us all in a huge family day out to celebrate Rebecca’s 7th birthday so we were about 14. Bucky was sitting with her while she open presents. “You’re staring at him again” my mum says out of nowhere while she’s nibbling on her cake. “I’m not” i reply. “Simply just gazed over in a direction and he was there” i smiled. “Then why was that look on your face?” “what look” i ask. “You look a certain way when you see him.” she informs “You look at him and it’s like you’re staring at some sort of galaxy.” i’m confused “And?” She looks at me right in the eyes “you love galaxies baby” i wasn’t in love with him then, or i was but pushed that part way down because i knew he’d never feel the same.

This one happened on Christmas Eve 1934, me and Buck admitted we loved each other just over 6 months before but nothing was official, my mum knew and so did Rebecca but Bucky was so against telling his parents which i understood so we stayed at mine but my mum got sick about a month before so it was just us in my small apartment. We had put up the small tree a week before and we were listening to christmas songs on the radio that Buck stole from his parents. He made me hot chocolate and gave me a early christmas present, as a ripped open the paper i saw this beautiful set of pencils with a note attached that said “for Stevie, so you can draw your beautiful boyfriend if you’ll have me?” I cried out of pure joy and climbed into his lap and he ran his fingers through my hair as i kept whispering ’yes’ over and over again. i was so happy.

The last one. We were 18 so just under 2 years before i got the serum. We had been out to get our tattoos that day so we were still kinda sore on the hips, he kept kissing mine and kept caressing his. Then out of no where tears started collecting in his eyes. i was so confused, scared i was hurting him so i asked him what was wrong. He rambled but i fell more in love with every sentence. “Marry me. Let’s spend our nights eating cereal on the floor when there is a perfectly fine table behind us.” he started and i wanted to stop him right there and remind him we can’t do that, that what we are doing is wrong but he wouldn’t be stopped. “Marry me. We can go to the movie theatre and sit in the very back row and just make out like we’re kids falling in love for the first time” i started again but it was no use. “Marry me. We’ll paint the rooms of our house and get more paint on us than on the walls” I wanted to kiss him just to shut him up. “Marry me. We can hold hands and go to parties that we end up ditching to drink wine out of the bottle in the bathtub together” that one broke my hear because i loved bathing together. “Marry me. Slow dance with me in our bedroom with an unmade bed and candles on the nightstand” i couldn’t think of anything worse. “Marry me. Let me read to you while you draw me so we can both become super smart” I stopped him, he finally let me break through his ramble. i broke his heart then, told him i couldn’t, told him he hadn’t told his parents so how could we be out to the world, it’s illegal. it’s wrong. I woke up crying remembering that i was so cruel to him. He didn’t speak to me for weeks after that but then i needed him, my mum got worse and i showed up at his door, a new drawing for him to collect. i apologised profusely and he forgave me, he stayed at my house that night and i wanted to hold him and whisper yes into his collar bones but i couldn’t get the words out. I regret that everyday.

Thanks for these recs mom! Do you have anymore pining fics? either Steve or Tony. You're awesome!

We all love pining, don’t we? Okay, so there are a ton of pining fics, of course. You should check out the Steve Pining and Oblivious Tony recs and the Slow Burn Mutual Pining recs. Here are some more suggestions for you, though, keeping in mind that my method of categorizing them isn’t perfect since pretty much all fics are mutual pining fics.

#stony fic recs #pining masterlist #steve pining #tony pining #mutual pining #stevetony #Anonymous #sabre replies