#steseb

His thoughts are interrupted by a loud crash from inside the gas station convenience store.  He whips around to face it and realizes for the first time that the lights inside are off, which is weird, because it’s only 9:00 PM and this seems like the kind of place that’s open twenty-four hours anyway.

He starts to move toward the door, alert for any other movement or noises, but he’s only made it a few steps when a loud crack cuts through the air- the unmistakable sound of a gunshot.  It’s followed by several more, and Sebastian breaks into a jog, reaching the front door of the store at the same time as someone else hits it from the other side.

Sebastian quickly steps back, pulling the door open, and the other man stumbles out onto the pavement.  He’s a few inches shorter than Sebastian with black hair that flops into his face but doesn’t hide his panicked expression.  He’s dressed casually, in a black T-shirt, leather jacket, jeans, and motorcycle boots, but Sebastian’s eyes go immediately to the gun in his hand, mind racing as he tries to figure out if this is a threat.

The man shakes his head vigorously and points to the open door beside Sebastian, and when Sebastian turns his head he can see why.  Three figures are moving toward the open door, but their movements are stiff, jerky, and somehow inhuman.  They stagger forward, arms outstretched, and one of them emits a sort of forlorn wail as it shambles toward the door.

Sebastian stares, dumbfounded as it closes in on him, but he can’t make sense of what he’s seeing.  The man’s skin is pale, almost gray, and it’s peeling off in places, as though he’s decaying right in front of him.  His mouth hangs slack, and the odor is indescribable.

“Do something!” the man beside him shouts, and that jolts Sebastian out of his trance.

His hand goes to the pistol in his holster, and he draws it, aims, and pulls the trigger in one fluid motion, sending the first man careening onto the floor.  The other two are not dissuaded at all, and they continue forward, stumbling over the first man’s body as they reach for Sebastian.

He fires again and again, only stopping when they are both on the floor as well.  Adrenaline is surging through him, and his heart is pounding in his ears, almost as loud as the gunshots.  He slowly lowers his arm, hand shaking as he holsters his weapon.

“Nice shooting,” the man beside him says, sounding genuinely impressed.

“Thanks,” Sebastian replies, blinking slowly as he tries to process what just happened.  His relief that the threat is neutralized is tempered by horror at the bizarre scene in front of him and the dawning realization that he’s just shot three people.  “I guess-”

His words are cut off by a shout of warning from the other man, and he spins to see that there are more figures approaching from all sides.  They’re almost completely surrounded, and there are already several of them in between him and his jeep.

“Quick!” the man says, “This way!”

Sebastian turns to follow him as he sprints down the sidewalk, darting around the corner of the gas station to where a motorcycle is parked.

“Get on!” the man snaps, already throwing his leg over the seat.

Sebastian doesn’t ask any questions.  He straddles the motorcycle behind his new companion just as the engine roars to life and the bike lurches forward.  Sebastian has to throw an arm around the other man’s waist to keep from being unseated, but he manages to get his balance and find the footrests as they tear out of the parking lot.

“What happened back there?” he shouts as they race down the highway, weaving in and out between stopped cars and more of the strange, lurching figures.  “Was there some kind of disease outbreak?”

It doesn’t quite fit what he just saw, but it’s his best guess.

“No idea,” the man calls back.

“Who are you?”

“Stefano.”

“I’m Sebastian.  I was supposed to be starting at the police department tomorrow, but they went offline.  Now I don’t know what the hell is happening.”

He braces himself as Stefano aims for a very tight space between a car and the guardrail, but they shoot through without touching either of them.

“My sister’s a police officer in Raccoon City,” Stefano says.  “I haven’t been able to reach her either.”  There’s a long pause before he adds.  “It sounds like we both may find some answers at the police station.”

“Then that’s our next stop,” Sebastian agrees.

Stefano nods and accelerates down the highway.  The wind whips his hair back into Sebastian’s face, but Sebastian’s arm is locked around his waist.  He just manages to read the writing on a large, illuminated billboard as they fly by.

Welcome to Raccoon City

He has to imagine that Stefano has always been an outsider, first as a photographer surrounded by soldiers and then as an artist rejected by his peers and critics when his work didn’t match their definition of art.  Sebastian has often thought that being a cop was a thankless job, but throwing your whole life into creative works, having your future and your success and your sense of self-worth wrapped up in the subjective opinions of other people, is starting to sound even worse.

He doesn’t know what Mobius promised Stefano, or whether they tricked him into becoming part of Union, but he suspects it wouldn’t have taken a lot.  The possibility of acceptance or success or critical acclaim would have been enough to convince him.  Sebastian is sure of it.

He can understand the appeal of STEM for someone like Stefano.  He’s not like Ruvik; he doesn’t want to carve people up or pick apart their psyches for some kind of science experiment.  He couldn’t find a place for himself in the real world, so he took an opportunity to start over in Union, and now he’s designing his own world around his own aspirations.

It doesn’t make Stefano’s version of STEM any less terrifying, but it does make it a little sad.  And Stefano doesn’t even fully appreciate what he’s gotten himself into, doesn’t know how horrible STEM can be when he’s not the one in control.  He’s going to be in for a rude awakening when the balance of power shifts.

It’s an uncomfortable truth, but Stefano is just as much a victim of Mobius as Sebastian and Lily are.  They’ve all been uprooted from their homes, thrust into this experiment without a thought to their own autonomy or desires, and now he’s not sure whether any of them even have a home to go back to.  Stefano may have been the one who kidnapped Lily in STEM, but Mobius is holding all of them hostage from their real lives.

He’s climbing the stairs now, and Stefano slowly turns to face him.  No words pass between them, but Sebastian can tell by his body language and his facial expression that he’s not on the attack.  He doesn’t know what’s happened since he last saw Stefano, but the hurt and the vulnerability he sees in him is new, and Sebastian isn’t going to be the one to kick him when he’s down.

In fact, it’s a very different intention that pulls him forward now.  He closes the distance with a few more steps, walking right up to Stefano and wrapping his arms around him, pulling him into a hug.  He’s not sure what possesses him to do it, but his instincts have never steered him wrong.

Stefano is completely rigid in Sebastian’s arms at first, his own arms held stiffly at his sides and his body taut as though he doesn’t even dare to breathe.  Sebastian just waits, holding Stefano the same way he held Myra that night after the fire when they were both too strung-out on caffeine and adrenaline and grief and too exhausted to talk or even cry anymore.

Those feelings come crashing back down on him now, the memory stirred by simply holding another person in his arms, and then he’s pulling Stefano closer, holding on to him for his own salvation as well as Stefano’s.  The world around them is shifting, fluid, and Stefano is the only point he can use to anchor himself.

Stefano draws in a deep, shuddering breath and slowly raises his arms to wrap them around Sebastian, hugging him back almost as though he’s not in control of his own body.  He’s fully pressed against Sebastian now, face buried in his shoulder, and Sebastian can’t remember the last time he held someone like this.  He’s willing to bet it’s been a long time for Stefano as well.

He doesn’t know how long they stand there with their arms wrapped around each other, but he swears he can feel STEM changing around them, jagged chasms repaired and rough edges smoothed over.  Something is different now, or maybe everything is different, but for the moment the only thing he knows is himself and Stefano standing in this embrace.

When the world feels settled, balanced in a way it hasn’t been since Sebastian got here, he steps back, releasing Stefano to look into his face.  Stefano’s expression is a mixture of confusion and awe.

“Did you not come here to kill me?”

“It doesn’t matter what I came here for,” Sebastian says.  “I need to find Lily.”

Stefano’s expression changes to one of sorrow, and he nods slowly.  “I do not have her anymore,” he says, “but I know who does.”

Sebastian knows that in some other world this news would make him angry, but right now he only feels calm and determined.

Stefano smiles.  He knows Sebastian is perfectly capable of tying a tie, but he’s happy to help.  He crosses the floor, shoes sinking into the plush rug, and reaches for the ends of the tie.

“Isn’t it bad luck for you to see me on our wedding day?” Sebastian asks, and Stefano laughs.

“I think it will be alright,” he says, putting the finishing touches on Sebastian’s tie and stepping back.  “And if I hadn’t come up I suspect you wouldn’t have been able to finish getting dressed.”

He takes Sebastian’s hands and leans in to press a kiss to Sebastian’s neck, breathing in the scent of his aftershave.

“You look absolutely dashing,” he says, and Sebastian blushes in response.  “Are you nervous?”

“Is it that obvious?” Sebastian asks.

“Your hands are shaking,” Stefano observes, giving them a squeeze.

“It’s not you,” Sebastian says quickly.  “I’m not even sure it’s me either.  It’s just…when I married Myra…”

Sebastian looks at him as though asking permission to continue, and Stefano nods encouragingly.  He’s never felt threatened by Sebastian’s memories of Myra.

“...it felt like such a huge life event,” Sebastian continues.  “And I wanted to do it right, because at the time I just felt like it was something you only do once, you know?”

Stefano smiles.  “I am sure it did.  It is certainly something I only intend to do once, but we cannot know what the future holds, and we are not always in control of our fate.”

Sebastian nods.  “I certainly couldn’t have predicted any of this.”

“For today though,” Stefano says, “we are here in this beautiful place, and all of our friends and family are here, and I want to celebrate us.”

He nods to the window, and they both look out onto the grounds, which are awash in fall color.  He can see the decorative archway, framed by maple trees in vivid reds and oranges, and the seats where their guests are already starting to assemble.

“I do too,” Sebastian says, leaning in to kiss him.

“Are you going to be okay now?” Stefano asks when he steps back.

Sebastian smiles.  “I was okay before.  I just needed you to remind me.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” Stefano says.  He glances at his watch.  “We had better get downstairs.  We’re due to start in five minutes.”

Sebastian takes one last look at himself in the full length mirror, takes a deep breath, and slips his hand into Stefano’s.

Stefano leads the way down the stairs, through the foyer, and out the back door to where everyone is assembling.  He can see his breath in the air even though the afternoon sun is warming things up, and the leaves crunch under his feet.

Most of the guests are already seated in the rows of chairs lined up in front of the archway, but they’re immediately approached by Lily and Aria, who are wearing matching blue dresses.  The color was Stefano’s idea, but it makes them stand out beautifully against the backdrop of red and orange.

Neither he nor Sebastian has living parents.  In fact, neither one of them has very much family at all, so they’ve had to get a little creative with their wedding arrangements, but Stefano thinks they’ve managed to construct something that is at least in the spirit of a traditional wedding.

He looks down the aisle to see Joseph already standing beside the officiant.

He leans in to Sebastian and whispers, “I love you,” before he offers his arm to Aria and starts down the aisle, leaving Lily to tend to Sebastian.

The string quartet, which up until now has been playing some filler music, gets itself organized and the first strains of “Serenade for Strings in C Major” wash over them, taking Stefano momentarily back to another place, another time when he would never have imagined he would end up here.  It’s fitting to hear this piece today, as he moves forward into his next great work with Sebastian.

His heart is pounding, but he takes care to keep his steps slow and measured as he makes his way down the aisle between the two rows of seats, Aria keeping pace with him.  He can see out of the corner of his eye that she’s trying to keep her face appropriately solemn, but she’s having a hard time containing her smile, and Stefano is filled with warmth at being here, surrounded by family and friends and about to marry a truly incredible man.

When they reach the archway, Joseph gives him a nod, and Stefano and Aria take their places on the stage.

Then it’s time for Sebastian and Lily to walk down the aisle, and Stefano can’t help but smile at the image of sixteen-year-old Lily giving her father away.  She’s absolutely beaming, and beside her Sebastian’s eyes are fixed on Stefano.

They make it to the stage and take their places with Sebastian opposite Stefano and the officiant between them.  The music fades away as the man begins to speak, but Stefano only has eyes for Sebastian.

Just the sight of the title screen takes him right back to those days, trying to convince his parents to leave the hallway light on and checking his closet door a dozen times to make sure it was really closed before jumping into bed, burying his head under the covers, and anxiously waiting for morning.

“So it is a really old movie,” Lily says, her fears clearly confirmed.

“How old do you think I am?” Sebastian asks.

Lily looks him up and down.  “Thirty-five,” she says, and her tone makes it clear that as far as she’s concerned thirty-five is positively ancient.

Sebastian laughs, because apparently he’s even older than Lily’s definition of ‘old’.

“I’ve never seen Poltergeist,” Stefano says, entering from the kitchen holding a bowl of popcorn.

“What?”  Sebastian is genuinely shocked.  “How?”

Stefano shrugs.  “I don’t think I was born when it came out.”

“Probably not,” Sebastian says, “but still…”

He scoots closer to Lily so Stefano can sit down on his other side and starts the movie.  Stefano leans over to turn off the lamp beside the couch, so the living room is almost completely dark except for the glow of the TV.

The movie begins, and Sebastian is already starting to feel like his nine-year-old self.  He wraps an arm around Stefano, leaning his head on Stefano’s shoulder while his eyes remain fixed on the screen.

They watch in silence at first, but Sebastian’s heart is pounding, not just at the scary parts, but every time he anticipates one of the scary parts, which is basically the entire movie.

“Oh no,” Stefano says about forty minutes in.  “Did you pick another movie where someone’s child is missing?”

Sebastian does have a special talent for doing that by accident, but right now that’s not at the forefront of his mind.

“That’s not even the worst part,” he says.

“Oh?  Then what is the worst part?” Stefano asks.

“The ghosts,” Sebastian says, thinking this should be obvious.

Lily snorts in laughter.

“What?” Sebastian prompts.  “You don’t think this is scary?”

Lily looks at him apologetically.  “It’s creepy, but the monsters don’t look very real.”

He glances over to Stefano, who nods in agreement.  “I don’t know if the special effects hold up.”

“But…” Sebastian sputters, pointing to the screen where one of the most intense and iconic scenes of the film is playing out.  “Are you guys even seeing this?”

Stefano pats him on the shoulder.  “I can see how this would have been frightening when you were nine, but haven’t you seen much scarier things since then?”

“I guess so,” Sebastian replies.  Some of the things he saw in STEM were pretty terrifying, but those memories feel different than this movie does.  He remembers the horrors of Union and Ruvik’s domain, but he was always so focused on saving himself or saving Lily that there was no time to be afraid, no time to dwell on any of it.

Here he can’t do anything, can’t help the people on the screen.  He can only sit and watch the horror play out before him, and that, plus the remnants of his nine-year-old imagination, makes this so much scarier.

Even if Stefano and Lily aren’t convinced, Sebastian’s eyes are glued to the screen for the rest of the movie, and when it ends he still feels jumpy, on edge.

Lily goes to bed without complaint, and after they’ve cleaned up and turned off all the lights downstairs, he follows Stefano up to their bedroom to turn in for the night.

“Are you going to be able to sleep?” Stefano asks playfully when he has finished undressing and brushing his teeth.

“I don’t know,” Sebastian says, only half-joking.  Then, “Are you guys ever going to let me hear the end of this?”

Stefano frowns.  “I expect Lily now has some very good ideas about pranks to play on you.”

“What about you?” Sebastian asks, giving Stefano a pointed look.  “Are you going to keep me safe from the ghosts?”

Just saying the word again brings up an image in his mind- long black hair and flowing white fabric, an eerie voice singing a haunting song…Anima.  He shivers.

Stefano is staring back at him, and he’s sure they’ve both had the same thought.

“Okay, maybe STEM was scarier than the movie,” Sebastian says, “but I still need you to make sure the closet door is shut before you come to bed.”

Stefano leans in to kiss him.

Sebastian’s vision is restricted, and it takes him a moment to figure out that he’s looking through the lens of a camera.  There’s a group of soldiers in front of him, but that’s the only point of interest in what seems to be a vast expanse of desert.  He’s about to lower the camera when one of them shouts in warning, and Sebastian’s hand clenches in surprise.

The click of the camera shutter is louder than the explosion, and Sebastian thinks about how strange that is as he’s thrown backward.  The image of the young man in front of him being torn to shreds by shrapnel is burned into his brain.

He hits the ground hard, totally blind with a ringing in his ears and that raw, open feeling that tells him he’s been wounded, even though his adrenaline is so high he can’t feel anything yet.

His camera…he has to get to his camera.  He tries to feel around for it, but his right arm won’t move at all, and his left is weak and sluggish.  He needs his camera.  He needs that photo.

His vision is back in a swirl of dust and sand.  He tries to blink, but the muscles around his eyes feel dead, unresponsive, and his peripheral vision on the right is totally gone.  He tries to swallow, but his mouth is full of blood, and he chokes and sputters.

There’s a man standing in front of him, and Sebastian fully expects it to be the young soldier from before, but it’s Stefano.  He’s broken and bleeding, the same way Sebastian feels.  His clothes are torn, pierced by shrapnel, and the right side of his face is a bloody mess.

“It’s over,” Stefano says, voice echoing inside Sebastian’s head over the ringing in his ears.  “You are nothing now.”

Sebastian coughs, sending flecks of blood into the air.  “What?  No.”

He can’t make sense of this.

Stefano’s face twists into a horrible smile.  “Look at yourself,” he says, spreading his arms open.  “Look at what you’ve become.  How could you ever make anything beautiful again?”

“No,” Sebastian says with conviction.  “No, that’s not how that works.”

Stefano is leering down at him, and he knows if he can just get his hands on his camera, he can fix this.  He fumbles in the sand beside him until his fingers brush the smooth surface of the camera.  He raises it.

“What are you doing?” Stefano asks.  “Do you really want to remember yourself like this?”

Sebastian says nothing.  He clicks the shutter, the flash goes off, and the world fades away.

Stefano’s heart is pounding as he runs through the house.  Everything around him is engulfed in flames, and the smoke fills his lungs.  He coughs  violently and crouches down, keeping low to the ground as he makes his way to the stairs.

He needs to get to the girl- Lily- and suddenly it’s so much more important that he finds her than ever before.  He can hear her scream somewhere in the rooms above him, and that scream hurts him more than the fire ever could.

He staggers onto the landing, and even though he’s never been in this house before, he knows where to go.  He lunges toward the door to Lily’s room, fumbles with the knob, and throws the door open.

Inside the room it’s an inferno.  The remains of a child’s furniture and toys are scorched and melted as the fire rages all around him.  There’s a man kneeling on the floor, and even from the back, Stefano recognizes him as Sebastian.

Sebastian gets to his feet and turns to face Stefano.

“You’re too late,” he says, and the sadness, the pain in his voice cuts right through Stefano.  He’s not used to feeling such things, but his chest is tight, and he’s cold on the inside, and he knows something terrible has happened.  He has no words.

“You could have saved her.”

“No,” Stefano says, shaking his head, because Sebastian’s words don’t make any sense.  The whole room is ablaze around him.  No one could survive this.  No one could save anyone from this.

“You let her die,” Sebastian says, eyes fixed on Stefano and burning even hotter than the fire.

“No!” Stefano insists.  “I didn’t.  I did everything I could.”

He’s not sure why this suddenly matters so much to him, but Sebastian is just wrong, is trying to impose an impossible standard.

“It’s your fault.”

“No!” Stefano snaps back.  “Not everything is my fault!”

A strange smile spreads across Sebastian’s face, and he slowly fades away into the flames.

Sebastian’s voice is what pulls him from sleep and from the oppressively vivid dream he was having.  He sits up in bed, eyes open and relief flooding him when he finds he’s no longer lost in the darkness.  It must be early morning, but there’s enough light coming in that he can see his surroundings.

His relief is short-lived though, because when he starts to turn toward Sebastian, his eyes are drawn to the surface of the mirror beside the bed, and the face he sees looking back at him is not his own.

He stares, not believing what he’s seeing at first.  It must be some mistake, some trick of the light, but when he blinks his eyes and turns his head, the figure in the mirror does the same.

This might be even worse than the darkness.  In there, he struggled to find himself, but here he’s just…gone, replaced by a man he’s never seen before.

He tries to draw in a breath, but his chest is tight and his throat is closing up.  He can hear his heart pounding in his ears, forcing blood through his veins…but are they even his veins anymore?

The man in the mirror is staring back at him, looking just as terrified as Stefano feels, but it’s the face of a stranger.  He can’t look away from the mirror.  The edges of his vision are blurring, and he can hear Sebastian speaking, but it sounds like he’s calling him from very far away.

“Stefano?”  Sebastian’s voice echoes in his head.  “Stefano?”

He opens his mouth to answer, but what comes out is a long, broken sob.

“Stefano.”

Sebastian’s voice is much closer to his ear this time, and Sebastian’s arms are around him.  He’s trembling violently and he can feel the tears streaming down his face, but he still can’t look away from the mirror.

“It’s alright, Stefano,” Sebastian says.  “You’re safe.  You’re here with me and Lily, and everything’s going to be okay.”

He can hear Sebastian’s words, can understand them, and he wants to believe them, desperately wants for everything to be okay, but he’s watching this whole scene play out from somewhere outside the body Sebastian is holding in his arms.

“What’s your name?” Sebastian asks.

Stefano has to take a long, shuddering breath before he answers.  “Stefano Valentini.”

His eyes are still locked on the mirror, and the lips of the man he sees there move in time with his words.

“Where are you from?”

“Florence,” he says.  The word comes out more easily this time, but he does still notice the way the man in the mirror mouths it at him.  “Italy,” he adds cautiously, but the man mouths that as well.

“Do you remember who I am?”

That’s an easy question.

“Sebastian,” he answers, eyes still fixed on the mirror.

“And where did we meet?” Sebastian prompts.

“In Union,” Stefano says, managing to drag his eyes away from the mirror to look at Sebastian as he answers.  “In STEM.”

“Yes,” Sebastian says with an encouraging nod.  “Do you remember how we escaped?”

Stefano takes another deep breath.  “Yes,” he says.  “Yes, I do remember.”

Even as he says the words, it’s coming back to him- waking up in a bathtub in a strange industrial building in the middle of nowhere, being told that his body no longer existed.

He turns back to the mirror, brain struggling to process that what he’s looking at is his own reflection, that the man staring back at him is him.

The tears are still flowing.  His old body wasn’t perfect, but at least every flaw, every scar on it was his.  He turns to bury his face in Sebastian’s neck, and for the first time since he woke up, he actually feels Sebastian’s arms around him, the way Sebastian’s beard tickles his face, the smell of Sebastian’s aftershave.

“How can you love me?” he whispers.  “How can you love me when I’m not even myself anymore?”

Sebastian pulls him closer, turning to murmur into Stefano’s hair.

“Because I love the you that’s on the inside.  And that you has been the same this whole time.”

Sebastian’s words fill him with warmth, and he clings to him, holding him tightly as his breathing slows down and his hearing and vision go back to normal.  When he’s finally feeling calm again, he gives Sebastian one more squeeze and pulls back to look at him.

“I’m sorry,” he says.  “I don’t know why it’s taking me so long to get used to this.”

Sebastian smiles.  “I would say that’s probably normal, except no one really knows what’s normal in this situation.  You’re sort of a unique case.”

He looks thoughtful for a moment.  “Maybe not completely unique though.  We should give Kidman and Sykes a call today.   You know, see how he’s adjusting to his new body.  Do you think that would help?”

Stefano nods.  It’s easy to forget that at least one other person in this world knows what he’s going through.

“For now, lie down with me,” Sebastian adds.  “I just want to look at you for a little bit.”