#stepmomming

B: Will you and Daddy ever get married?

Me: Well, I'm not sure that's just for me to decide is it?

B: No, its both of yours

Me: Yes, and yours too. How would you feel about that?

B: Well as long as you don't become evil and mean. All stepmothers are evil.

Me: *sigh* Fucking Disney.

I remember the first time I dropped the kids at school. 

I got looked up and down and interrogated about who I was and why I was there. The school knew exactly who I was, but it felt that this member of staff just wanted to make me spell out 'not their mum', in front of the kids. 

I was mortified. 

 I’ve never experienced pregnancy, cared for a baby, or dealt with sleep deprivation from late-night feedings (apart from the dog). And this was the first of many times I've felt inadequate over the mere fact that I’m not their “real” mum. 

 From every instance I get referred to as 'mum' when we're out by a well-meaning member of the public, to not knowing how they like their beans on toast. Every day brings yet another thing I feel a failure for, or a time when feelings of shame and self-doubt start to creep in. 

But just like with the kids, today I tackled imposter-syndrome at work and went to my first networking event in my new role. I spoke to new people and make some really incredible new business contacts. 

So, do I have the lessons and learnings yet? No, I do not. 

Other than food, music, and adorable blinged out birthday decorations, what should I be supplying for them to have fun? I feel completely clueless. We’ll have a fire pit in the backyard if they want to get away from the adults/change of scenery? I can grab a couple of party games but at 12 will they even care? Idk. I just hope it’s fun.