Today i found out something that made scream on the inside FFFFFUUUUCCCCKKKK but on the outside i remained cool calm and collected. I acted like what i was told did not bother but just want to move on from the subject and keep it moving. I had to remain calm cool and confident for my daughter was with me. When she looks at me i have to appear to be as strong as rock and not a fragile soul on the inside. I have to make sure that i carry on with this new knowledge as if ..like i already knew it. But in my head i just kept asking why me why now what lesson haven't i learned..why do i constantly have this battle..When will my freedom from this mental slavery come to an end..some how i feel like the Lord is telling me that i am not ready yet..I did not appreciate it before when i had it, now i have to see and face my deepest fears..this journey is definitely my hardest..some call this growing pains..i call it a huge pain in my ass..so i feel like i just took ten steps back..now I'm lost on what seemed to be a well guided journey..how do i bounce back from this..who can i talk to and understand me..does anybody care at all..and this goes back to me trying to figure out where do i belong cause this just confirms that this is not it , not here...ugh
