#std podcast

Today someone reached out to me at an interesting time. I’m currently listening to a book called “Forces for Good - The Six Practices of High-Impact Nonprofits”. In this book, I’m essentially experiencing validation that I’m doing 5 of the 6 things perfect. I’m on par with the top 12 Nonprofits in the United States. I do a lot with a little bit and to go from $1,200 in donations in 2019 to donations 2021 donations totaling more than $26,000, I realize just how much I missed focusing on what I haven’t done “well” (and I say that subjectively). The one area I lack in isn’t even an area I’m lacking. The one thing that keeps me from experiencing the success of larger Nonprofits is that they inspire action, advocacy, and people are loud and proud of the organization that serves them. I’m serving the most stigmatized group of people, those with herpes, and the very people I extend support to through Something Positive for Positive People are the very people so stigmatized that they literally cannot do what’s needed to make SPFPP what it needs to be in order to hit that next level.

This kind of thinking is where my head was before Emily and I recorded this podcast episode. I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing the way that I’m supposed to be. It’s more important to me that I have an impact than do everything by the books. When I heard these successful Nonprofits aren’t all super structured, civilized, professional, etc. I felt seen. I let people tell me to make things look a certain way. I’ve let myself think I need to have funding from people who have the money putting us good will organizations against one another to compete for the resources to do good. What the fuck is that about? I knew that was happening but to hear it here in this book, I realized that I’m damn capable of making an impact as I have for the last almost 5 years with minimal resources. If I get more resources, then imagine the impact then! This book is expanding my perspective on serving through a Nonprofit. It’s also validating my self trust. The success is in the consistency. I know there are people I’ve helped that I’ll never hear from and people will never know the impact SPFPP had on them. I accept that. But DAMN it’s so hard to see that I have 5/6 of what makes the most impactful Nonprofits what they are and I’m just an allyship campaign away from being at that tier. That’s ego talking though, because it isn’t about that at all.

This reading and timing of this interview pulled me out of this inner conflict I’ve struggled with. I downplay the amazing impact I know I’m having on the people of the world because I don’t want to make people uncomfortable about me being open about my herpes status. Something Positive for Positive People will always be linked to herpes no matter how hard I try to connect it to mental health and suicide prevention. Me being open about my status is what’s allowed for us to touch as many people as I have so far. I thank my therapist who cut me off mid sentence when we spoke about my relationships being with people who seemed ashamed of the amazing work I do because it revolves around my openness about having herpes. He told me it’s not my responsibility to be less than for ANYONE. If me being who I am makes people uncomfortable, that’s for them to work through. I do have herpes. This is an important part of my life. I’m done turning that part of myself down.

Emily shares with me the insight in her own experience just why it can be challenging for some people to be open about their status as it impacts their income directly. She pointed out something in reference to educators who work with children and how they aren’t allowed to be human. I think that’s where the brave people are. For her to repress her being to be able to do what she loves to me is brave. This made me reflect on just how privileged I am to be able to say I have herpes to the internet and be met with no consequences, whereas she navigates the world in such a way that she looks like a superhuman/hero to the kids and parents of the kids she educates. I see ya’ll. I see the educators and people having to navigate stigma so cautiously due to anything connected to a flawed aspect of sex for a person can ruin their career. Emily showed me the other side of this and gave me all the more reason to stop inhibiting myself from connecting with people authentically. I catch myself slipping into “I work in mental health” when I talk to new people.

Have you ever dismissed your intuition as prejudice? Have you ever seen something happening and then a voice in your head tells you this shouldn't be happening the way it is and that something is just off? Our guest this week shares their story of having dismissed their intuition around red flags landing them into Urgent Care for chlamydia treatment twice over the course of the same week.

So what do my ex’s have to do with this? Literally everything. I had this EXperience with anxiety, I EXplored the behavior and emotions behind them. Through this came a need to EXpress which I was not healthily doing before due to the lack of awareness. I took different action through that anxiety and used it as fuel for expression. Communicating this was challenging at first but the confidence that followed allowed me to share or EXchange with others in a vulnerable fashion which led to further EXpansion of my own perspective.

What do your Ex's have to teach you? Do we have the same ones making us EX-kimo siblings? haha that was a reach!

So what do my ex’s have to do with this? Literally everything. I had this EXperience with anxiety, I EXplored the behavior and emotions behind them. Through this came a need to EXpress which I was not healthily doing before due to the lack of awareness. I took different action through that anxiety and used it as fuel for expression. Communicating this was challenging at first but the confidence that followed allowed me to share or EXchange with others in a vulnerable fashion which led to further EXpansion of my own perspective.

What do your Ex's have to teach you? Do we have the same ones making us EX-kimo siblings? haha that was a reach!