#stbprivate

I...I mean, so, the obvious place to start is that...Ellie thinks she might be pregnant, and if she is...then it’s Seb’s.

And like...It’s not even...I knew he was going to have to have a kid eventually, okay? I mean, he has a giant company now, he has to have somebody to leave it to (and I’m pretty sure he’d rather swallow glass than leave it Ben), so...Yeah. There was always going to be Seb having a kid with somebody else. That’s not...I don’t care about that...I just...I guess I thought it’d be a Domme? Like, some random...damn it...Someone who would get pregnant for him, but then just...give him the kid? There’s a word for it, I know there is, but I don’t have it right now...

Anyway, I thought it’d be something like that, and it would be years down the road, and it wouldn’t be a big deal, he’d just come home one day and be like “So, I should probably have a kid soon” and I’d be like “Sweet, want me to call the baby-carrier company and have them find somebody?” and we’d agree on somebody, and they’d do the turkey baster thing and then nine months later, tada: Baby Smythe. 

This is...Not that at all. And like, I...I don’t know what’s going to happen, now. Like, if she is...is he going to Claim her? I mean, I know he wouldn’t have to, but he’s so damn set on not being Julian (which is not a bad thing by any means) that he probably would just to do the right thing. Which, I mean, is fine, he still would be able to Claim one other sub, it’s just...I wanted to be first    It doesn’t matter, it’s stupid.

But like...What if that’s what she wants? I mean, what if she was trying to get knocked up so that she’s like, set for life? I mean, doesn’t her dad make fucking syrup or some shit? It’s a hell of a step up from that to being Claimed by a Smythe...And like, okay, that’s probably horrible of me to think, but like...It’s possible!

And like...What am I supposed to do? I mean, like...Obviously, I’m not breaking up with Sebastian, but like...If there is a kid on the way, does that just mean I’m fucking...Uncle Carter, automatically? Or am I like, some weird, third parent or some shit? Jesus fucking...Is this how Dad felt, when Pops came back from Chicago and was all “Btw, adopted a kid. Hope that’s cool, otherwise we’re done”? Because if so, I totally get why he was kind of a dick at first...

I just...I really want to be upset, and pissed off, and freaked out, but...I can’t. Because Seb is already, and if both of us freak out, nothing’s going to get done. So...He’s gonna take the day off from class, I think, to get his head straight and I’m...not. 

I’m going to finish writing this, and then go to breakfast, and then to class, and then I’m going to pick up all the stuff that Seb missed for him during study hall, and I’m going to drop it off, and make sure that he eats something, and make him text Ellie about meeting up to talk...

And I’m not going to freak out. Everything will be fine, as long as I don’t freak out.