#startupstress

There are a few days you remember: the day you register your company, the day you open a bank account, the first time you see a finished sample, the day you close with investors, and when the money finally appears in your bank account. You also remember the day when you find our your friend and supplier died, and with him went an order of all your trims; you remember the day your fabric order gets stuck in customs and the day you spent counting out 300 zippers on the floor of the local trims shop. You remember the day you first run out of money, the second time you run out of money, and the third time you run out of money. You remember acutely the feeling of someone trusting you, and the sinking feeling of dread that you might not make it. You remember the feeling of letting down your friends and your family when you can't make it to the party. You remember the feeling of being totally alone when your partner disappears because she can't hack it anymore. You remember the pit in your stomach that opens up whenever you open bill-shaped post. You forget what it feels like to exercise. You forget the days when you had a paycheque and a positive bank balance and a proper holiday that wasn't just a disguised work trip. You forget what it feels like to be complimented on your looks. You forget to buy cat food. You forget grocery shopping and what it feels like to wander around a supermarket pulling lovely things off the shelves. Trying to remind myself this is just another kind of adventure. All the little blows stop feeling significant and more like just preparation for the big blows. You remember the days you cry yourself to sleep, and then they start to feel like nothing.