The Sound of Her Laughter Will Sing In Your Dreams
More Fire Island AU.
Once the girls settle into life on the island, things go fairly smoothly. Even Carlotta, who aches often for your mother, finds her place and you don’t find her trying not to cry like she did in the first days. Each morning, you wake to kiss Brittany goodbye and then sleep a bit more before Mariana rouses you and you begin to make breakfast. While Brittany is gone, you keep them out of the water, but they help tend to your small garden, they visit with Mercy and gush over baby Ana and they gather more shells than you can count.
When Brittany comes home, they have their afternoon swim most days and then they settle around the dinner table, so exhausted from the sunshine and salt air. One afternoon, Brittany comes home and suggests that you all borrow David’s dinghy and go fishing in the bay. You know she does that all day and could have brought home any amount of fresh fish you wanted, but she tells you she’s in the mood for fluke and she can’t get that out in the ocean.
So the girls dress in the play dresses you’ve patched, you put on your oldest dress and you walk down to the dock behind the Karofsky house to board David’s boat. It’s been quite a while since you’ve seen him, but Brittany has told you that Kurt has yet to go ahead and decide to marry a girl to appease his father and it brings you great joy to know that. Brittany helps each of the girls settle in on the boat and then holds out her hand for you, helping you get seated before she starts the small motor.
“Brittany, are you going to catch the biggest fish?” Concetta asks, wriggling in her seat.
“I guess we’ll have to see, won’t we?”
“How are we going to catch the fish from the bucket to put on the hook?” Mariana wonders, staring down into the bait bucket.
“It’s real easy, I promise I’ll show ya once we get out there.”
You watch Brittany as she steers the boat and still manages to talk to the little girls. It’s been weeks and it still never fails to take your breath away. You think again about what she said the night your mother left, about a baby. It gives you butterflies in your stomach thinking about raising a child with her, but you know that it’s not a likely possibility. But still, you can’t help but picture her lifting a small child onto her shoulder, holding their hands on a fishing pole the way she does with Mariana once she stops the boat, kissing their little foreheads before bed. Of all the dreams you’ve had in your life, this one seems the most impossible, but still, you can’t help but hope.
Much to your surprise, Carlotta catches the biggest fish. She backs up in surprise when Brittany helps her haul the fluke aboard, but all the girls cheer. They each had their chance to catch, Brittany carefully going between them to help, but you think it means the most to Carlotta, so homesick for your mother. She beams as Brittany takes out the hook, she beams the whole way back to shore and you smile so brightly at her, hoping the joy of her day means that she won’t cry at night.
When you get back to the house, you send the girls up to bathe and you stand beside Brittany, helping her clean the fish for dinner. She gives you her crooked grin and you kiss her lips, knowing you have a few moments alone with her. There’s something about those stolen moments, so few and far between with the girls present, that make you love her even more. She’s special, your beautiful girl, and you want her to know every day that you think you’re so lucky to have found her.
“Santana, can we call Mama?” Carlotta asks after dinner, bouncing on her toes. “I want to tell her about my fish.”
“I think we can do that tonight, she ought to be home by now.” Santana smiles, sitting at the desk to dial the phone.
Carlotta is anxious to be first while you wait for the operator to connect your call and you quiet her anxiety by pulling her close to you, letting her listen into the receiver until your mother picks up. All three girls are in their nightgowns and you think of how big they’ve grown, how when you still lived at home they were so small. Now though, they’re growing into their own, even little Mariana and you feel a pang in your chest, thinking how it will sadden you to send them back when the summer is through.
“Hi Mama, it’s Carlotta.” She says very seriously. “I wanted to tell you that I caught a very big fish today.”
“Don’t tell her about my two fishes!” Mariana exclaims, tapping Carlotta’s ankle with her foot.
“I miss you very much.” Carlotta says, after talking briefly about the week she’s had and knowing she must share the time with the other girls. “I wish you could come visit us.”
You wish it too, oh so much. You wish your mother could have a respite, just a few days in the warm sun and the good sea air. But you know it can’t be. She has your father to care for, her job to go to. You’re lucky, you know, that you have the summer to bask in pleasure, and you wish you could give her that kind of luxury. But that’s why your parents came to this country when your mother was heavily pregnant with you, they wanted a good life for their children, if not for them, and they’ve given it to each of you.
The little girls go up to bed after their phone call and you read to them as you do each night. You tuck them all into their beds and you kiss Carlotta’s forehead twice, reminding her that you’re nearby if she needs you. Because Brittany had bathed earlier, you leave her in the bedroom and have your bath. When you come out, she’s lying down and you crawl into bed beside her, resting your head in the crook of her shoulder.
“Hello, sweetheart.” Brittany kisses your forehead. “Ya look real tired tonight.”
“I’m just fine, I’d like to stay up with you for a bit.”
“I’d like that a lot. What are ya thinkin’ about?”
“I was just thinking today how lucky I am to have met you. I can’t imagine my life being this wonderful any other way.”
“I think ya were always meant to have a wonderful life. Ya do so good by everyone, I can’t imagine if ya didn’t.”
“I think staying here was the first choice I ever made where I only thought about myself. I knew it would help my mother if I went home, but I couldn’t imagine my life without you.”
“For a bit, I didn’t think ya were gonna stay. Now I can’t imagine I ever thought that.”
“It was the easiest decision of my life. Staying meant being with you and that’s the only thing I ever truly wanted.”
“Ya really are the first thing that ever felt like mine.”
“I’m going to grow old with you, Brittany, right here in this little house. The girls will have children and they’ll bring them here to see us, we’ll show them the magic of the sea, let them breathe the fresh air. It’s been such a wonderful thing for my sisters.”
“I’m so happy to have them here. They make me so happy.”
“You make them so happy. You’re so kind and patient with them, it means everything to me.”
“They’re really good children, you and your mama did a real great job.”
“I can’t take any credit.” You shake your head.
“But ya should, I know ya had a hand in carin’ for ‘em before ya left and now ya care for ‘em again.”
“It’s the least that I can do, my mother let me go when she could have begged me to stay.”
“She’s real good ya know, not expecting’ ya to marry a man and move back now that she knows.” Brittany smiles a little, likely thinking of the joy that knowledge brings you
“I feel terrible that she needs to keep the secret from my father, but if he knew...”
“Would he make ya come back?”
“No. But he’d keep my sisters from me. He’d be fearful that I’d taint them with my sin.”
“Do ya really believe that, that you’re sinning?”
“I don’t, not anymore. I believe God made each of us in his perfect image and if he created me to love you, then it can’t be wrong.”
“I’m glad.” She touches the cross on your neck and for the first time, you don’t feel like she fears it. “So glad.”
You fall asleep in her arms and when you wake the next morning, the bed is empty. Normally, you wake when she does, you feel her leave, but today, you overslept. The house is still quiet when you emerge from the bed and you wash up and dress for the day before you go down the hall to check on the girls. They’re still asleep, so you go downstairs and percolate coffee. It’s just finishing when the door opens and Brittany steps inside.
“Brittany. You’re home.”
“It’s real rough out there, Coast Guard said we shouldn’t go out. From the looks of it, a storm is brewin’.”
“It’s early for hurricane season, isn’t it?”
“Already August.” She shrugs. “We ought to get things ready just in case.”
“We still have most of what I canned before the girls came. We should get some blocks of ice to keep milk cold for them. I’m worried this will unsettle Carlotta.”
“We’ll promise we’ll keep her real safe. The Alcott’s already been pulled out of water, I’ll get the ice and then get the house boarded up. Sam may need help too.”
“We should see if they want to bring Ana and stay here, our house is farther back from the waterline.” You take a deep breath. “I’m still not used to these storms.”
“Ya know I’ll take care of ya, right?”
“I do, thank you.”
While Brittany goes off to get started, you rouse the girls from their slumber. Once they’re dressed, you cook breakfast and you sit down at the table with them. It scares you, having them in the line of danger and though you know Brittany will do everything in her power to keep you safe, nature is beyond the capacity of any human.
“Girls, I need to talk to you about something important.” You tell them and as expected, Carlotta blanches. “We’re expecting a very big storm to come. We’re going to do everything we can to prepare, but we’ll need your help.”
“What kind of storm?” Concetta asks, reaching across the table to take Carlotta’s hand.
“It’s called a hurricane, we’ll have very strong winds and quite a bit of rain.”
“Is the house going to blow away.” Tears form in Carlotta’s eyes. “Can Mama come get us?”
“Brittany built such a strong house, it’s going to be quite alright. We’ll carry all the mattresses downstairs and have a big slumber party in the sitting room. Mercy and Sam may come with baby Ana as well.”
“A slumber party?” Mariana grins. “Can I sleep with you, Santana.”
“You may.” You nod. “You all may.”
The tears don’t leave Carlotta’s eyes as you clean up the breakfast dishes and you try to distract all three of them with the tasks at hand. Ordinarily, you’d help Brittany board the windows, but Sam is outside with her, so you take the girls to begin filling the sacks Brittany brought home with sand. You only stop for a brief lunch and by the time everything outside is through, it’s late in the evening. The sky already looks ominous and Sam comes inside to help bring the mattresses downstairs before he goes home to walk Mercy and Ana over.
You serve cold chicken to Brittany, your sisters and your visitors and you feel anxiety swirl in your chest when you hear the angry roar of the ocean. The girls bathe, you and Brittany bathe, and then you fill the tub with fresh water before going downstairs again. When you get to the bottom of the stairs, you pull your dressing robe tight, embarrassed to be seen by a man in your nightgown, but
Sam respectfully avoids looking at you.
“Santana?” Mariana asks as rain begins to pelt the boards on the windows. “Can we still read our book?”
“I think so. Perhaps Ana would like to listen while she eats.”
“She certainly would.” Mercy nods. “Go right ahead.”
You sit down on Mariana’s mattress and she snuggles into your side. Carlotta and Concetta are quick to join you and you feel safe with all three girls cuddled close to you. You read slowly, knowing that Concetta likes it better when she can savor every word and you feel Brittany’s eyes on you. She always looks at you with so much love that you feel your heart might burst and as you turn the page, you look up and give her a small, knowing smile.
It takes a long while to settle the girls, especially Carlotta, but once you do, you sit for a moment, just watching them tucked beneath their blankets on mattresses across the floor. You’ll stay up for a bit with Sam and Mercy, you know, but before you go to the kitchen with them, you just want to make sure each of the little girls so dear to your heart is safe.
“They’re alright, Santana.” Brittany murmurs, placing her hand on your shoulder. “We’re all going to be just fine.”
When you go into the kitchen, you make a pot of tea and the four of you sit down at the table, Mercy having laid Ana to sleep on the mattress you brought down for them. The wind shakes the boards of the house and Brittany takes your hand beneath the table, squeezing it tightly.
“Hurricanes aren’t much fun.” Brittany tells them, knowing that they’re probably more uneasy than you, having never experienced one before. “But this house is built snug.”
“I sure hope ours is.” Sam muses. “I’d hate to see it in pieces when this passes.”
“You have a community of people now, we all help each other rebuild.”
“During my first hurricane here, I was living above the cafe and Brittany brought me to her house to make sure I’d be alright. She fixed the roof of the restaurant herself the next day, wouldn’t have me going back until it was done.”
“There’s nothing you can’t do, is there, Brittany?” Mercy smiles, laying Ana down on the mattress.
“There’s plenty ‘a things I can’t. But I’ve been helpin’ out with storms since I was a little thing.”
“Well now you’ve got me to help you as well.” Sam promises. “I’ll learn all you have to teach.”
“Right now, we ought to just stay here and be as safe as we can.” You say softly. “We’re glad you decided to weather it with us.”
“I would have been terribly afraid if we were alone.” Mercy shakes her head. “It’s nice to be with neighbors.”
“We were fearful when you moved in.” You admit. “Worried you’d see us together.”
“I understand that fear.” Sam nods. “We weren’t so sure what the neighbors would think of us either.”
“Love cannot be helped.” You smile. “Despite what anyone has to say about it. We don’t even know how you met.”
“He was the milkman.” Mercy laughs. “I used to wake up so early just to see him. It shocked me when he asked if I’d like to see a film with him. My mother was probably more shocked, but she never thought it was wrong. It was never illegal in New York.”
“Ya both are real brave.” Brittany tells them. “And I sure am glad ya came to live here.”
“We certainly are too.”
Exhaustion from the work you’d done throughout the day gets the best of you soon, and you lay your head on your pillow. The three girls are close by on their mattresses and Brittany takes her place beside you. You don’t sleep well. The storm rages outside and you hear the crack of trees. All you can think of is how big they are, how they can fall on your house, and Brittany gets out of bed several times, opening the door and looking out.
The storm still carries on in the morning and you dress before anyone else awakens. It’s Carlotta who finds you at the kitchen table first and she sits down beside you as you sip your coffee. She doesn’t say anything for a few minutes, but you watch her eyes fart at every sound. Gently, you rest your hand atop hers and she looks up to you with watery eyes.
“It’s alright to feel afraid, love.” You promise her.
“I couldn’t sleep very much.” She admits, rubbing her eyes. “I was so scared we were going to blow away like Dorothy.”
“That’s how I felt the first time I experienced a storm like this too. But it will pass soon.”
“I hope so, Santana. I don’t want to never go home to Mama.”
“My love.” You pull her into your arms. “Brittany and I will keep you very safe. And you’re going to see Mama in just a few short weeks.”
“Do you think she misses me?”
“I know she misses you, you make up part of her heart.”
“I’m not going to move away like you when I’m grown, I’m going to stay close so I can still see her every day.”
“And that’s okay.” You smile, not telling her you once thought the same thing. “We each make our way in the world differently. How about we start making breakfast, take you mind off of the storm and missing Mama?”
“Okay.” She nods, standing up. “We’ll make a really good one.
You spend the day shuttered inside, until you hear the storm pass. Sam helps with the boarded windows and to bring the mattresses back upstairs and Mercy gathers their things, ready to go back to her own home. You say goodbye at the door and with dinner long eaten, you help the girls to bathe in the darkness from the lost power and read from their book before bedtime. When it’s just you and Brittany alone in your bedroom, you feel like you can just let your hair down for the first time in two days.
“Would ya like me to rub your head? Ya look awful tense.”
“That would actually be really nice.” You finish buttoning your nightgown and sit down on the bed between her legs. “I’m glad it’s passed.”
“I was more worried than usual with the little girls here.” She confesses. “I couldn’t imagine having to tell your mama something happened to her girls.”
“I knew we were safe in this house, you’ve done such a wonderful job building it.”
“Just wanted it to be nice enough for us to live in. I sure hope Sam and Mercy’s house is okay inside.”
“I’m sure they would have come back, had it not been okay. It was nice to have them stay with us though.”
“It’s good havin’ neighbors. Makes me feel real good that someone’s just a short walk away if ya need anything and I’m not around. This okay?” She asks, rubbing your temples.
“It is, it feels wonderful.”
“Eventually ya won’t feel so anxious when they come, then ya won’t get the headaches.”
“I’m grateful to have you help ease them. Last night I couldn’t be near as close to you as I wanted.”
“I understand that. It’s strange to share your bed with anyone when there’s company.”
“It is. But now it’s just you and I in this room and the winds are gone.”
“Ya think any of the girls’ll come in?”
“I think we’re okay to sleep for awhile.” You shift your body so your head is on her chest and she continues to rub it. “Goodnight, my love.”
“Goodnight, my pretty lady.”
