#staring anon

Staring anon

Heyyy-

So i- have a little problem. I have a mental health issue I do not want to share, but shortly it causes me to zone out a lot. Like in the middle of Convo, my eyes see something I find interesting and land on that thing and stay fixed at it, and I don't hear anything . Anyway,

.. so I live in a white county, not as race, we are not white, but our skin tone is fair. And we have so few black people here. And I am an artist.

Now that is, when I see someone with slightly different than I am used to (black skin, red hair, neon hair, lots of tattoos etc-) I find myself staring. Not because I hate them but like, a moment I am just, 'wow I don't know how to shade that colour, maybe I should add blue it reflect likes that' and a second later I forget thinking and I stay zoomed. Like I was just looking at shades of their skin and a few minutes I find myself not thinking, not hearing and all,

And I have a really bitchy resting face and I try to change it but I can't I tried too many times and I am gonna cry it's not the first time I stared at someone without intending to and I feel so bad like I am not racist or anything I am just admiring really but it's too hard and it happens with objects too if I see a book I like I stare it for 5 minutes straight.

How can you tell someone you are talking, 'like no I didn't want to, I adore our conversation really I just saw a butterfly'

I hate myself I am sorry

Hi!

Okay so I totally get where you're coming from here...I definitely have had a similar problem- for me I hate eye contact so I look down, but then I realize after a while I'm like...blatantly staring at their chest and that's weird.

I think there's kind of two options here and you have to pick and choose depending on the person. If it's someone you know, I'd just address it. I joke with people all the time- sorry, I'm not staring at your tits, I just don't know where to look! They laugh and they get it and we move on.

But people I don't know...I try to give myself something to look at that isn't uncomfortable. Which, I know isn't fun for you and it's hard to do that, but it might help you in those situations. If you find someone interesting from an art perspective, maybe focus on their hair or their bag- something that's more socially acceptable to stare at. Even compliment that thing, that way they know why you're staring. Then you can stare more at people you're closer with who understand where you're coming from.

___________

Midnights anon

Hi cas! It’s midnights anon

Uhm… I’m kinda at a school dance? It’s full of dancing and candy and I got overstimulated immediately, onto of a whole school day, on top of hanging out with friends in between. I wanted to be normal. I wanted to go out and have fun but whenever there’s a dance I know I can’t dance, and I love my friends… but I always feel Ike I’m trying so hard to keep conversations or just be like able. It’s harder in BIG social situations. Maybe it’s because of what I am? I guess it’s harder to have sympathy for an anxious tall black girl than an anxious shorter not black girl. It’s just… everyone’s so supportive of each other. Why am I so left out? I danced… I stuck near my friends… I tried to talk… tried to make conversation… but I just floated away.

I’m trying so hard lol. I’m trying and I’m always talking because no one will try for me. Or try as hard.

I don’t know why I’m writing this. I’m just scared. Am I really unlikeable? I just want to know what I’m doing wrong.

What am I doing wrong? What part of me is incorrect that people don’t like? It’s been years of being the odd one out. I’m just incorrect. But I don’t know what part. I’m hiding so much of myself that I don’t even know who I am or what it means to be a person.

If I just knew what part of me everybody disliked I’d fix it but no one will tell me.

I’m sorry for writing this. I have to be here for another hour and I dont want to feel as alone.

Thank you for reading :]

I’m sorry

Hi <3

Please don't be sorry for writing! I totally understand feeling overwhelmed in Big social situations! It can be super scary!

Remember that you can make your own rules. You can decide to only stay for a bit, or to take breaks. There's nothing wrong with going to the bathroom for a bit and taking a few deep breaths. There also nothing wrong with simply not going, if you don't feel up for it.

Also, there's nothing wrong with YOU. I know you feel like that now, but I promise, the problem is that right now, everyone is trying to fit into the same stupid mold that really, nobody fits in. And people are just good at pretending that they fit. But as you get older, people will stop pretending, and it will get easier. I promise <3

____

wuhluhwuh anon

Hi this is lowkey a vent but I need to get this out but oh my goodness I have a crush on my friend yes, I am wuh luh wuh, yes I was warned that this is a canon event cause I’ve yet to have an original idea. but eeeevry single day I’ve been getting videos sent to me being like “this is so us🥰🥰🥰” and I’ll think oh this is cute and check the comments and the description AND ITLL BE SIBLING CORE 😃. like ten a day with two characters and tags all over it saying that they’re so sibling core and it’s lowkey testing my patience. I’ve accepted at this point that she dosent like me back which is fine I don’t get to throw a fit over that I kinda just have to get over it but now I don’t know what to do :| I’ve definitely thought about it too much and came up with the idea that this is her way of subtly telling me that she dosent like me back WHICH I GOT LIKE 50 VIDOES AGO 😭😭😭. then I remembered that’s she almost as dense as I am and sucks at subtext so I would have gotten a paragraph telling me to go live under a bridge or something. And it’s so god dam confusing because she’ll be acting like a couple some days but then do a full 180!!! Anyway not to be dramatic but the last couple weeks have just been multiple bullet wounds to the heart but it’s probably fine I think. Idk Cas I’ve been telling myself it’s character development or that I’m being over dramatic (cause I am I’m aware) but like damn still it’s been bouncing around in my head and I can’t rlly tell anyone sooooooo

Anyway that k u for the space for me to be an idiot in peace have a great day <3

Hi <3

Okay so...based on the 'siblings' videos, I'm gonna guess that she doesn't feel the same way. Like if they say 'siblings' on them...yeah. It's probably that she just feels very close to you and that's why she's so affectionate. But I don't necessarily think she knows how you feel, I think she's probably just, again, showing her affection by sending the videos.

But there's also nothing wrong with you having feelings. It sounds like you just might need to accept that, unfortunately, they are probably not returned </3 I'm sorry, hon.

_________

6 anon

6 anon here, so on Wednesday after school, I was with my girlfriend in her dad's classroom. He asked me to keep her company because he had a meeting. So her and I are packing up the shop, turning off the machine, power, etc. When we finished that, we were laying on the floor in the classroom because it was floor time. Anyways, her dad forgot to tell Dee that I was supposed to be in there with her. Her and I were on the floor watching ratatouille and making out. This is normal for us, but Dee never works afternoons and doesn't know that, so she walked in on us making out on the floor with ratatouille in the background. I got kicked out, and she slammed the door. She also told my grandma and grandpa because they're friends. They have now cut contact with me. I also can't get in for my EEG until March 6th which fucking sucks because I've been having seizures since January and they won't put me on any meds for them, and now they aren't doing shit about my stomach. I hate the American health care system so much. Anyways, I hope you have/had a great day-6 anon

....Your grandma and grandpa cut contact with you because you have a girlfriend? That's so fucking horrible, I'm so sorry. Are they your mom's parents or your dad's parents? (just curious).

Also yeah, the american healthcare system sucks...

I'm sorry things are sucking so much for you right now. I'm always here to vent to <3

______________

galentines anon

Hi, i just needed to express my rage.

My dad has always made sure i was educated hell i knew more about the heart at the age of 7 than most people know at 20.

The thing is women rights was never a topic discussed in my family. My mom scolded me the day i got my first period because apparently 11 is too young and now my height won't grow. Tf.

Everytime i argue about women rights especially when they're watching a show which depicts that, both of them are like enjoy the show stop thinking about it. And then the next day Mamma is saying how my dad's side of the family treated her so bad. I try to sympathize i really do but when i try to defend women you tell me to stfu what is wrong you.

There is still so much internalized misogyny in my family.

Mom is against the fact that galentines can be celebrated. Against people wearing makeup.

My grandmother (dads side) doesnt allow women to go in the kitchen on their period. My grandfather ( dads side) wont allow their DIL's or his wife to wear shirts only the traditional clothing.

GAHH and i cant say much because im the example child. the eldest daughter, perfect babysitter, always so understanding, never shouts is good at almost everything she does. i never get calls just for the sake of it no those calls are for my brother i get calls when i get awards.

Love isnt unconditional over here. gotta earn it by obeying every single fucking rule ever.

I cant wait to get out.

Sorry for the rant.

Hope you have a good day.

Hi <3