Mr. Starchman: You have to be VERY well-read to hate properly. Mr. Starchman: Expand your mind and gain knowledge to defend your position.

Mr. Starchman: I'm just trying to maintain my swagful whimsy and optimism... Mr. Starchman: In the face of an anti-whimsy society...

Jeff: *giving his presentation in English class* Jeff: If Romeo had just cried on Juliet's corpse for a couple hours instead of drinking poison right then, they would have been fine. Jeff: So the moral of Romeo and Juliet is: always take time to cry for a few hours before making important decisions. [Mr. Starchman loudly applauds, tears streaming down his face.]

Mr. Starchman: Might I point out, that Mercutio got stabbed in the gut and, instead of seeking medical help, stood up and made a pun about it, then DIED Max: Exactly how I would go out....

Johnny: It took me 12 years to figure out NEWS stands for "Notable events, weather, and sports"! Mr. Starchman: No.

Johnny: Time out. Could you not derail every conversation to correct us just because we don't know how to vocabulary?! Mr. Starchman: But Johnny, vocabulary's not a verb! Johnny: It is if I say so! I'll vocab any way I want to! So CAN it before I vocab YOU in the LARY! Mr Starchman: Ah, I see now. You're comedians. Bravo.

[The Jang tries out for the school play.] Mr. Starchman: Boy, you four sure are good at acting... Mr Starchman: Acting like fools! [They got the parts.]

[In Mr. Starchman's class, learning about poetry] Johnny: Life... is an egg. Mr. Starchman: Explain? Johnny: Has chickens in it sometimes. Mr. Starchman: *enthusiastic clapping*