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@starcchildβ sent:Β Β βi went through some stuff, and it really screwed with my head.βΒ |Β trust issues prompts
Katrina knew that feeling. Very, very well in fact. And her heart ached that Carter knew that feeling too. She knew it was impossible, and things were complicated, but she couldnβt stop the urge in the back of her mind to just hug her close and protect her from everything. Keep her safe and warm. Try and take away all the pain that she felt. But of course, that wasnβt possible. So instead, she tried to comfort her in the ways that she could. Gently, she took Carterβs hand in hers. But she knew she should do more than that - she should say something. It justβ¦ took her a second to figure out what.Β
βI know what thatβs like. And I know that it can be really weird and painful to deal with that. And Iβm here for you,β she said softly. βWhenever. Whatever. Iβm right here.β She looked Carter in the eyes, hoping she knew how genuinely she meant her words. βAndβ¦ Schatzi, youβre a good person. Who deserves love and happiness. And I promise you, Iβm happy to help or listen whenever you need.β
@starcchild sent:Β βYou deserved better.βΒ |Β more talking about it starters
Katrina didnβt think she had ever felt deserving of anything better. Not when she was raised to believe that people like her were destined for eternal punishment. When she had been through so much that it would even make nonbelievers question if it could really just be that many coincidences. There had always been a voice in the back of her head telling her that this was just what she deserved. She had done this. You dug this grave, now lie in it.Β
But how did she explain that to Carter, without dismissing her? If there was a less harsh way to say, βthanks, but my brain wonβt let me believe you,β Katrina had no idea what it was. She wished she could believe it. Really. For her sake and the sake of the people around her. Because the worse she felt, the more of a burden she was.Β
Katrinaβs hands squeezed together tight, eyes on the floor. As hard as she tried, she couldnβt bring herself to look up for more than just a glance. Because all of that sympathy on Carterβs face made her panic. She didnβt deserve it. It wasnβt familiar. But every time she kept herself closed off, she got a little more scared that Carter would stop trying to open the door. And this would turn into another one of the things she had ruined.Β
βThanks,β she mumbled. βSorry, I justβ¦ itβs just still hard to believe those kinds of things, sometimes.β She wished she could be more open, not to mention more eloquent. But after hiding for as long as she could remember, it was difficult to make an attempt to be seen.
((I follow you because you're absolutely wonderful and I adore how you write your muses!! It's always fun seeing you on my dash! π§‘
// has this been sitting in my inbox for almost a year? yes! But the sentiment remains - i adore you too! I'm sorry that we haven't had as much interaction but i still adore you all the same <3
// hehe thank you so much! This has been sitting in my inbox for quite some time, I'm sorry about that but I appreciate the love and it's thrown right back at you π
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Wanda let out a soft hum as she felt lips pressing against her forehead, having been so focused on the folder in front of her that she hadn't even noticed Carter entering the room. The gesture had caused her to look up though, a soft smile on her lips when she saw her partner in front of her. "Hey... sorry i didn't mean to ignore you. You doing ok?"
Ashe, what if Carter and Basch wanted kids? (For their poly AU.)
@starcchild
"Well I should think that is a matter for them to decide on their own and in private, is it not?" Ashelia said, following the sentiment up with a knowing smile and a wink. After she laughed it off, she tried to actually answer the question. "Well, do you mean... if they wanted to have children together, or if they wanted me to have children for them?"
"If you mean the former, they are free to do so, of course. I think it would be lovely. And if I could have the privilege of helping to care for their children, that would make me happy, so... I see nothing wrong with it for any of us. I would love to see them go through the experience and to be there to assist as needed."
She sighed, her smile fading. "If you mean... that... perhaps Carter would not want to carry or bear the children in our little family we've got going and would instead want me to do so..." Despite the forlorn look on her face, color came to her cheeks. "Basch and I would have to... become intimate, which is something we have yet to do. It is complicated between us. Our former lives tend to get in the way of such things, and it is something we have yet to move past. Assuming that we could, I would have no objections to having the children in our family. But, as of yet, Basch and I have not known each other in that manner."
"I- I could leave you- you two a-alone, y'know," Carter said as she glanced over toward her partners with a raised eyebrow. Amusement glittering in her gaze as she tilted her head as she saw the way Ashelia was curled next to Basch. Doing her best to bite back a knowing smile. "You- you can tell me if- if you want pri-privacy."
Ashelia had been the last of their little group of lovers to return to their shared quarters that night, having a training session that concluded later than expected. When she did, all she wanted was to seek the warmth and happiness of the two people she loved most in this world. Without thinking, she'd plopped herself down next to Basch on the couch. After a bit, she was leaning her head on his shoulder. And after a little while longer, she'd brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around his arm, curling against him. He was so warm, and he had a familiar scent she'd known for so many years of her life. How could she not feel relaxed next to him?
Ashelia loved Basch and Carter equally, but found different reasons why in each of them. Carter made her feel excited, playful, happy, and free. She giggled a lot in her presence, and felt like more of a free spirit with her than she ever had at any other time in her life. Theirs was a sweet, innocent, joyful, and supportive love. With Basch, Ashelia felt safe, protected, and known. He understood her and accepted her, and had always been this solid, stalwart constant in her life that she could always fall back on. However... with regard to intimacy, there was still a wall between them.
Ashe and Carter had begun to explore that side of their bond, and Ashe knew Carter and Basch had as well, but she and Basch... There was just something about it that both of them couldn't get past. It wasn't that they didn't want to, but each of them was assuming the other would think it vastly inappropriate, still affected even now by their old roles and titles, and by old restrictions and expectations of rigid propriety.
So when Carter she could leave them alone... if they wanted privacy... Ashelia damn near squeaked. Basch turned to look at Carter, his eyes widening just a little as he searched for words that were not there. Ashelia sat straight up, feet on the floor, hands folded on her lap, as if she'd just been told to mind herself in class or something. "Oh, Basch and I-... We don't-... That is to say we haven't-... Well I don't think-..." she stammered, looking from Carter to Basch as she turned beet red.
Basch swallowed hard, not knowing what to say. Ashelia was his princess, his superior. Her blood was royal and touched by the gods. He had no business touching her in any intimate way whatsoever. The idea of it was one he'd actively tried to push from his mind, for it felt wrong to him, and yet... he lived for those rare times, like just now, when she'd come to him and wanted to be close to him.
Strangely enough, though neither one of them held Carter to any predetermined standards of their time, culture, or previous stations, they seemed not to be able to move from them with regard to each other. Carter was separate and outside their old world and lives, and therefore not subject to the same judgements. They were both freer with her than they were with each other, not for lack of wanting, but for lack of knowing how to see each other in different lights.
"It would not be appropriate," Basch said, feeling that was an odd thing to say when he was supposed to be in a relationship with Ashelia every bit as much as with Carter... but that was the reason. It felt wrong to him.
Ashe tried her best not to let the disappointment show in her gaze, choosing to drop it to her hands on her lap. "Mm..." she hummed in agreement, while internally disagreeing. Why did she feel her father's strict hand over her, even now, telling her she must be a proper lady and stop being so familiar with Basch? Apparently Basch felt it too, and that made her wonder if her father or someone else of their time had said something to him about him not straying outside what was proper for his station.
Oh, it couldn't be avoided. Tears came to Ashe's eyes. She wanted to be more intimate with Basch. She'd wanted it for a long time now. And to feel like she couldn't... hurt so badly. But Carter had encouraged both Ashe and Basch to talk more about their problems, to put them to words instead of holding them inside. So let me try and do so now, Ashe thought, because her first instinct was to excuse herself from the conversation and leave, and she knew that would accomplish nothing.
"It isn't permitted. It isn't allowed," she said, the tears welling up in her eyes now trickling down her cheeks. "And I do not know why or by whom because all that we knew is gone..." she said, speaking half to Carter and half to Basch, but keeping her gaze downward, now looking elsewhere in the room. "...but it is still there. That... forbidden... chastising... shameful nature of it all. That we should feel ashamed of it. That we are doing something wrong if we know each other in that way. None of that matters now, and yet... I feel it there, still... like a bruise left by a controlling hand that gripped my arm too tightly. Though it is gone, the feeling remains."
Basch was silent as Ashelia spoke, his own gaze falling a bit as he took in the meaning of her words. She'd said it beautifully. The strictness of their former social positions had been so scarring as to stretch into this time period, even though there was no one here to tell them they were doing anything wrong. No one here would care if a knight slept with his princess, for he was no longer a knight, and she was no longer a princess... and no one cared. But past conditioning was not so quickly or easily shed. Basch nodded, slightly at first and then with more conviction, silently agreeing with and supporting Ashelia in what she was saying.
"When I came of age at sixteen, father told me I had to stop being so familiar with you," Ashelia blurted out, hoping that maybe if they spoke about this, they could somehow get past it. "He said that I was to be married in a year and that I had to be a proper lady... and that did not mean treating his knights as my friends." Her tearful gaze lifted to Basch's as she wiped her cheeks. "Did he say something to you as well?"
Basch nodded again. "Aye." He found it difficult to meet her gaze. "He thanked me for watching over you when he could not be there, but warned that I needed to make certain my care of you did not veer into impropriety."
Ashe huffed and shook her head. "He ought to have said that to Vossler instead," she said.
Basch sighed, agreeing with her but not wanting to speak ill of his fallen king or friend... even though the latter was forever ruined in Basch's mind after what Ashelia had confessed to him when they'd all begun this plural relationship with each other.
While talking had felt good, it seemed to have solved nothing, and so Ashe looked to Carter again. "And that is why we do not require privacy," she said with a sad little chuckle, wiping away another tear.
"Forgive me," Basch whispered to Ashe, feeling like she was crying because of him.
"You've done nothing wrong..." Ashe returned, fidgeting with her hands on her lap. She missed Basch's warmth already and wished she could go back to it, but... the wall was even thicker now, at least for the moment.
