#stalkerboy

in one of the most ridiculous man-am-I-glad-I-didn’t-stay-with-him moments ever!

He (Brent) lives with his mom (Josie) and dad, which is fine, I don’t have a problem with adults living with parents.

What I do have a problem with is he’s an entitled little asshole who does nothing but sit on his ass and smoke weed and play video games, and he expects his parents to do everything for him (including buy his weed for him which they’ve been doing for years even though it was only recently legalized for medical use in their state), and treats them like shit.

The way he behaves towards people was part of the reason we broke up.

But this isn’t all on him! His mom created the situation, his parents have let him treat them this way since he was a kid, and his mom has a HUGE temper. The two of them will get in regular screaming matches. This time it just went further.

They were watching the Olympics, and Josie mentioned the volleyball outfits. She’d always been uncomfortable with them and felt bad for the women wearing them, and after reading about the recent controversies around them, she said it was nice to know it wasn’t just her who was uncomfortable and wasn’t it nice people were doing something about it.

Well Stalkerboy Brent decided that was an in for teasing her about her husband’s infidelity.

“Oh the prude is worried about her husband watching the p0rny volleyball on TV! Is he gonna cheat on you again? Is he all hot and bothered watching volleyball p0rn in front of you?! Do you make him leave to room to jerk off?!”

And he wouldn’t stop because Stalkerboy is also extremely persistent. It’s why I gave him the nickname Stalkerboy. That and the creepy stalking.

Josie asked him multiple times to stop, and finally asked him to leave her room. Because of course Brent was watching it in her room with her, and she doesn’t enforce boundaries with her asshole adult son.

It got to the point where they were standing up screaming at each other, and he shoved her, fell backwards (because he’s never done anything and is a giant marshmallow with no muscle tone whatsoever), started to get back up, fell again, and broke 2 bones in his left hand/wrist.

Brent has been even more awful to her since it happened like it was her fault he had to have corrective surgery a few days ago that his dad scheduled, drove him to, and arranged all the follow-up visits for.

Did I mention he’s in his 40s and his mother is in her 70s and both of them are so ridiculous that when my mom told me about the whole thing I wasn’t even surprised, just kinda disappointed since it’s the first time they’ve done damage to each other?

Ugh.

They’re also TALKING ABOUT MOVING BACK HERE PERMANENTLY.

I am Not. Happy.

The distance was nice. I haven’t even communicated with him in like two years. He’s busy staying wasted 24/7 and feeling sorry for himself, but he loved living here, and he’ll perk up a bit if he moves back.

He always talked about coming here to visit and going to concerts and out to clubs and stuff with me, and he wants to hang out at the shop with me really bad.

Like I’m not so busy I can barely crawl into bed at night while he doesn’t work, doesn’t do ANYTHING around the house, and everybody does everything for him. Dude doesn’t even help move his own stuff when they move from one house to another because “I don’t *do* moving.”

But yeah. I really was hoping Stalkerboy’s mom wouldn’t invite herself for another visit like she did a few years ago. She’s extremely high maintenance, SUPER easy to offend, has a temper, and is the world’s biggest prude and isn’t too shy to tell everyone else how they should live. My dad doesn’t even like being around her because she embarrasses HIM -- one of the hardest guys to embarrass and she can do it to him, mostly because she’ll get in screaming matches with people in public if she’s not happy. She doesn’t have the “I want to speak to the manager” haircut but she should just so people are forewarned.

And she’ll be here for 10 days. With her husband (who is actually adorable and I really like him so maybe he’ll keep her more chill?).

My uncle’s wife took the shop for me this evening so I could take the parental units and stalkerboy’s mom to dinner. During dinner at a restaurant, she starts talking about how much stalkerboy loves me. Like... we’re eating, thank you.

“You know that’s why he can’t come out here to visit you guys, right?! He won’t be able to control himself if he’s around you.” Yup, mom and dad sitting right there with me while this woman downs margaritas and gets more obnoxious.

Stalkerboy doesn’t know me as well as he thinks he does. Neither does his mom. They both think if I see him, I’ll not be able to control myself. But I’m not the type that does things impulsively. Seriously, ask anyone who knows me and they’ll either stare at you like you’re insane or start laughing if you say I’m impulsive AT ALL. I’m such the extreme opposite of impulsive, my family lists it as a character flaw :D

Even if he threw himself at me, nothing’s going to happen, and it won’t matter what he says or does. But of course stalkerboy and his mom live in a bubble.

The rest of dinner wasn’t too cringey, and it was kinda funny watching her stumble out of the restaurant. Me and my parents don’t really drink unless I’m at a concert or something, so we’re totally sober watching this woman who doesn’t think alcohol affects her.

Oh, and she’s a REALLY slow eater. Which doesn’t bother me, but she insists it makes her uncomfortable when others finish first, so I ate my food REALLY, REALLY slowly, and I still finished before her and she just looks down at my plate, then hers and says “well, I guess I can eat the rest at your house, lemme just get a to-go box.”

I usually don’t do anything political on here, so if you’re not into it, skip this, but I think you guys might appreciate a story stalkerboy’s mom told me about Amber’s (her daughter) adopted son Bory (short for Boryenka).

Amber took thirteen-year-old Bory to New York, and they stayed in Trump Hotel because Amber is just extra like that (she gets wicked discounts because she’s a broker at a firm). They think Trump sucks, but they wanted to enjoy the luxury and see the sights.

Bory decided to give Trump a good old screw you, so every day they were there for an entire two weeks he stole everything he could “because that guy’s got more money than he knows what to do with.”

He took everything from the single-serve coffee bags to the fucking light bulbs in the bathroom, and every time the cleaning service came in, they replaced every bit of it!

By the time they left, Bory had bags and bags of stolen stuff, which he then dropped off at a homeless shelter.

OMG wtf. This woman is... Nooooooooooooope. I just said "ew" out loud. My family is looking at me like I'm a big weirdo :D

Hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa!! I almost wish I could tell stalkerboy’s mom this. I mean... you don’t even know her and you said ew out loud just from reading that little bit about her :D

Have fun explaining to your family!

Even though I'm at the shop now, I was planning on avoiding stalkerboy's mom for as long as I can. Hiding in my room, etc.

That was until I found out my wonderful evil mother is making tortillas tonight. SHE'S EEEEVIL and my plans for hiding were dashed on the rocks because no way in hell am I going to let stalkerboy's mom keep me away from my mom's fresh-made tortillas!

Maybe I shall hide tomorrow.

Change all the locks and don't let her in? Force your mom to look at her enabling behavior and how it hurts the people around her?

My area is lock-able (and my mom has a key to it for emergencies), which I’ll be using. I also have a sliding glass door to the outside that’s lock-able from both sides, so I can come and go as I please without going into the main part of the house or seeing any of them.

I’ll probably hang out with them a bit just because none of them are good at driving or can drive, so I’ll probably cart them off to a couple restaurants, but hopefully they won’t want to hang out with me a bunch. Stalkerboy’s mom REALLY likes me though :\

@samanddeaninpanties said: Call the cops when they show up? lol

THAT WOULD BE HILARIOUS!!!

She’d probably fight the cops too, which would be even more awesome.

Schizophrenia isn’t good for a lot of things, but it does work as an excuse for behavior when people don’t realize I don’t really have an excuse. “Oops, sorry officer, I thought she was coming to kill me!!”