#stagebystage

“Oh come on, Luke!” Hayley laughed, walking out of the water with a surfboard locked under her right arm and using her left fist to punch the blonde boy besides her. Luke turned his head to look at her, clearly amused that Hayley was falling for his teasing remarks. The two of them were often mistaken for being a couple and not without reason, they were extremely close friends and they loved each other dearly. The previous night they had met a bunch of people on this same beach, where they all had a campfire together. They did some night surfing, stayed over on the beach and as the sun came up, they went for a last run. The vibe had been extremely chill and since they just moved out here, it was really nice to get to know some people; normal people; humans. 

Hayley smiled gently at the group approaching them; the same group as the night before, but with one or two additional members. Hayley glanced over at the brunette, a weird sensation washing over, causing her gaze to fall on the ground. She could not place it, but she knew this girl. Luke immediately noticed the change in energy and turned his head to look at Hayley, but the silence was disrupted by Morgan who was now in front of them. “Hey, how are you guys doing?” she asked, bringing Hayley back to reality. “Yes, we were just about to hang for a little bit, would you guys care to join for a beer, i’ve got plenty back in the car. Cold, of course” Luke stated with a smile. They could surf in between; eat some, it was all cool. “Yeah, definitely” Morgan replied after briefly looking to see if everyone agreed. “Cool”

Kayla - 19 - Explorer  

it's an amazing thing to be able to form a friendship with someone that's grown so organically, and evolved, free of pressure and free of expectations.

before i get to answering this anon directly, i'm going to take this moment to write a letter to her that i've been needing to write for the last few weeks. the delay in doing that, has purely been because i've spending my free minutes, SECONDS, with her.

i know my replies here have slowed down, my quick responses to people, but here's the thing, i've always put my muses first, i've always put my blog first...until her. now...i'm putting myself first, for the first time in my life, and i'm being granted the fucking BLESSING of putting her first.

i know there's a lot of people here who follow me who have witnessed the nightmare-ish rper's and 'friends' i've interacted with in the past; there are more of you here who know, than who don't know. so for starters i'll touch briefly back on what kind of nightmares i'm referring to. for some reason, someone i called a friend in the past spent years guilting me between the lines and pressuring me to develop feelings for them, and as many times as i could say, i love you as a friend, i care about you as a friend, awkwardly 'can we please just write and can you please stop trying to make it be more than that', it took me a long time get fed up with it enough that it started to show in me pulling away even from being their writing partner. i became acutely aware that this person used threads we had, ships we shared, as a means to keep hooks in me, and while it worked for a long time, i ultimately grew past that bullshit and moved on with myself and my muses. if anyone would like more details on that, it's on my DNI on my doc and that's the last i'll say about this.

now...vanessa...

you came into my life slowly, quietly, and peacefully. little by little the feeling of flutters in my stomach surfaced when you messaged and just as slowly and peacefully reached the increasing of my heart rate. i have never connected with anyone the way i have with you, and i know i won't ever again. no matter how many people tried to persuade me to feel things in the past, or tell them what they wanted to hear, there was a reason i never could. i couldn't fake it, i couldn't pretend to feel things i didn't, just to humor someone and make someone else feel special. talk about fucking imposter syndrome, i couldn't.

then there was you...and i realized the reason i never could feel things for those people wasn't because i wasn't capable of feeling love. i told myself that, i berated myself, maybe there was something wrong with me, maybe i just wasn't wired that way, not wired to feeling it. it confused me because i would look at my muses and i would go...but i must understand it right? because i can write it, i understand what it's supposed to be like right? i must know, because i can write it, i must be capable of feeling it, because i can feel it when my muses feel it, i feel how they feel enough to know it's right? maybe it was that...it's meant for them and not meant for me. i was okay with that, yanno...but then...you.

then came you...

slowly, quietly, peacefully, cemented into my life in a way that i know i can not live without you being part of my life. we went from messages through the day, to calls, to aching together, talking on the phone just because we miss the sound of each other's voices, to falling asleep together after hours of whispering our thoughts and feelings, the sound of you breathing feels like i all i need in the world, and it makes my own breathing come easier. i'm talking to you right now, listening to you singing our songs in my ear, and still i miss you, still i love you more and more each and every day.

i know you worry, i know you get scared, but i love that you know i do to, i love that we both know the ways that we're scared and the ways we ache, i love that we know. i can write all this to you, writing is easy for me, but i prefer to whisper to you as you're falling asleep, in the morning when you wake up, in the middle of the day, all through the day, all night, and you already know that i will, but i need it said here too. i miss you when i'm talking to you, holding you and kissing your forehead, playing with your curls, is my literal goal in life so...you know this already because i tell you but i'm going to keep telling you. remember baby girl...time will erase the fears and worries other people have placed in us by causing us harm.