"He walked into the room." <> "She sat on the bench." <> "They left the car."
We all use stage direction. It's unavoidable; readers need to know where our characters are in the space we've created for them. And sometimes a simple statement of movement is needed. But most of the time, it can be improved upon.
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If it wasn't clear from the above examples, "stage direction" is when a character's movement is narrated like one might write in a play or film script: straightforward and unembellished statements indicating a character's direction.
This is great for scripts, where concise and clear instructions are preferable when a director and actor needs to follow them.
Not so great in a novel, where the author's goal is to keep a reader's interest and immersion. Let's take a look at how you might improve these sentences by adding intent, context, or grounding description.
Some of the examples below were taken from manuscripts I’ve betaread. The original authors gave me permission to use them.
Improving Stage Direction
Adding intent might be the easiest solution. You should know why your character is conducting an action; that's probably the reason you're writing the action in the first place. Instead of separating action and intent, combine them. Is your character walking towards the table to take a seat? Grab something off it? Talk to someone?
He walked towards the table. > Why? > He walked to the table and pulled out a chair to slump into.
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Obviously not every action has a purpose beyond itself, sometimes a character is moving in order to… well, get to where they're going. In that case, rounding it out with more context and emotionally-charged description can help create a more compelling sentence. Is there a specific way the character is conducting the action? Is there an underlying feeling within the movement that could add emotional charge?
Take the entire scene into consideration and determine your character's place in the scene and how they might be feeling. If she is one of two friends being reunited, she might move with excitement and eagerness. If he's a bystander watching the reunion, he might be more hesitant.
Paul walked up to them. > How? > Paul walked up as inconspicuously as he could so as not to disturb the reunion.
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Grounding means adding description to an action in order to make it tangible, to "ground" it to the world it's happening in. In the absence of purpose, this adds immersion and substance to your world, which is never a bad thing.
David sat down. > Where's the world? > David sat down and looked up at the stars glinting in the dark night sky.
Sometimes you already have the description and it's simply a matter of shuffling things around. Such as in the above example, where the original was actually:
"The stars glinted on the dark night sky and David sat down then took a deep breath. The contrast of the fresh air to the heat inside made him feel the buzzing in his body from the many glasses he had been drinking all evening."
I simply rearranged what was already there, while also combining the end of the sentence with the next to add context to him taking a deep breath: "David sat down and looked up at the stars glinting in the dark night sky. He took a deep breath and the contrast of fresh air to the heat inside […]"
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Other Solutions
If none of the above work, you could try eliminating or rewording.
If the surrounding sentences already imply or show the direction, you might be able to eliminate the stage direction all together.
The two of them walked out of the store. Jacob and Sam left the marketplace behind and headed north-west for Beringia. > Are both sentences needed? > Jacob and Sam left the marketplace behind and headed north-west for Beringia.
That first sentence is entirely redundant. Getting rid of it still gives every bit of information and context the reader requires. By indicating that Jacob and Sam left the marketplace, it is perfectly sensible to assume that they walked out of the store beforehand.
This often shows up in other areas of narration as well, namely, I’ve noticed, in descriptions from a character’s pov. “He looked at it” or “She stared at him” is often followed by description that perfectly indicates that the character is looking at the object.
Tarrin regarded him. The light from the torches in the gardens illuminated his dark hair and the exquisite curves of his shoulders.
By the description that follows, it is obvious that Tarrin (MC) is looking at the described character. “Tarrin regarded him” is unnecessary and taking it out only strengthens the narration.
“Is this the library?” he asked, hovering a finger over the first map. Pearl looked at it.
“Yes.” The circular nothing in the middle and the lines splayed out in every direction noting shelves and offices said it was.
Again, “Pearl looked at it” followed immediately by a description of the thing she is looking at, is redundant. If the story is from a limited perspective, a description is already telling the readers what the MC is seeing, and thus stating that it is being seen is completely unnecessary.
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If the sentence still definitely, absolutely, without a doubt needs to remain then a simple rewording can still be an improvement.
Instead of "She ran across the street," you could write "She sprinted across the street." Instead of "He walked up to the table," write "He ambled up to the table."
Yes, I know that's elementary writing tips 101 stuff but hey, there's a reason it's part of the bedrock of writing advice. Some words are just better than others.
Something as simple as an adverb can do the job, too: instead of "He walked towards him," write "He walked hesitantly towards him." Adding even basic emotion gives the sentence more purpose in the narration than simple stage direction.
Of course, all of this should be done during the editing process. Stage direction is actually super helpful in drafts, in my opinion, because it's an easy way to keep the narrative going while giving your future self a roadmap to follow and work with. If it moves the scene along for YOU initially and keeps you writing, that's all that matters. So don't fret about this while you're drafting.
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Wow, that was a lot! Are you done? Good, because this is definitely the end, I promise.
Effectively Using Stage Direction
...Okay, yes, there's more, but this is the last thing! I just feel it's necessary to lay out the exception to all this, because straightforward stage direction can actually be utilized as an effective narrative tool. Indicating a character's direction of movement can invoke emotional symbolism or build intrigue.
A character moving closer to someone or something can show emotional closeness (or desire for emotional closeness), vulnerability, security (or the desire/need for security), fondness, attraction, etc. Obviously in the opposite way, a character moving back or away can indicate emotional distance, revulsion, anger, fear, etc.
Take these two examples:
"I still love you." Her mother opened her arms. Anna stepped forward. She stopped herself, breath catching in her throat.
"But you love yourself more," she whispered.
"I still love you." Her mother opened her arms. Anna stepped back. She stopped herself, breath catching in her throat.
"But you love yourself more," she whispered.
Exact same scene, but the direction of Anna's movement completely changes the underlying emotion.
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In a similar sense, a character moving closer to a specific location or object can be used as a plot device: a character inching closer to a table, for example, is a miniature plot breadcrumb. It creates a small intrigue in the reader. A page later, when the character uses their proximity to the table to snatch a knife from it and defend themselves, that breadcrumb is answered and the intrigue is rewarded.
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In Closing
Like all writing tools, stage direction is not inherently bad. Use it strategically and it can be an effective device. Otherwise, I hope the tips here can help you strengthen your narration. As always, you are the master of your own story, and if you disagree with anything in this post, then don't implement it!
Thanks for reading~ Don’t forget to write a sentence of your story today!
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I love everything about Good Omens and I’ve started reading through the script book and why are the stage directions literally the funniest thing? Neil Gaiman writing about how they don’t know how they are going to show frightened plants on TV is hilarious. But also things like this.
SO COOL AN EXPLOSTION THAT I AM TYPING IN CAPITALS brought me to tears laughing. This is everything.
David Tennant has become the most successful debut contestant on BBC Radio 4's quiz show Just a Minute. The actor made it through 60 seconds without repetition, hesitation or deviation. Tennant managed to talk about Shakespeare's stage direction "Exit, Pursued by a Bear", without once being interrupted. It is the first time in nearly 50 years of the show that a contestant has made such a fluent debut.
hi i’m spending the day directing for a ten-minute play festival and it’s low key taking me back to directing in high school but mostly it’s just really nice because i really love directing
just had an idea for the song "So you wanna marry daisy" by spence hood. (set on a stage)
so, it's like, colonial era philippines, and there's a boy who wants to marry this rich girl, who wears full maria clara, decked in pearls and gold and wears gloves and stuff.
the singer is this suave looking guy in the barong tagalog and he's just giving the guy advice.
when he talks about writing what she says, the girl leans on his back, talking distractedly as he writes stuff down.
then when he talks about the window, she's walked over at her dresser, taking her pearls and her gloves off, showing sharp nails. and she's basically getting rid of all the embellishments on her person.
then when she twirls her hair and asks him to meet her at the magnolia she has her fan over her face, showcasing the nails
and when he's told to run, she walks back and lifts off the ground and takes off her alampay, revealing wings and the bottom half of her body (you can hide the actor's legs under the skirt and just have the legs in bloomers or whatever).
thin curtains draw in front of the girl and boy, showing their sillouettes as she hunts him down in a more sinister tom and jerry style during the music break and chorus.
she pins him down towards the end of that segment and feasts (or lowers her tonge to turn him into a capri-sun), and goes back to her bottom half (you can take the legs off stage at this moment) and walks out to her dresser again, (her alampay back on).
after the segment, you can see her bloodied face and hands, as she puts her gloves and embellishments back on.
when the singer says "suckers like you" the thin curtain is opened to see the boy feasted upon, blood staining his torso.
and during the outro, the girl places a seat in front of the dead body, and uses her fan to cover her face as a new boy enters the stage, flowers in hand, and she looks at him with a flirting eye, and the singer shows up behind him with a hand on his shoulder.
as the music ends, the girl looks straight to the crowd and the curtains drop.
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