#st angst

It was during one of your free periods when their ranting became a bit annoying to you. You had started correcting and fact-checking them, forgetting that Eddie shared the study hall with you. You never even gave it a thought that he could hear the four of you talking until he stopped you at your locker after that period - the day, luckily, being over.

He wanted to know how you knew so much about the game which is when you admitted you had played. Of course that knowledge completely floored him. 

When he was able to pull himself back together, though, he offered for you to join them at lunch the following day to meet the group and see if you wanted to become their newest member. You agreed, and within the week found yourself a permanent part of hellfire with your own shirt and everything.

It’s been two and a half years since then and you were still a part of the group, happily devoting your Thursday evenings to play the game. Within these past couple years and all the Thursdays you’ve spent in his presence, though, you found yourself falling hard for Eddie.

It’s nearly impossible not to when he’s so charismatic and funny. Not to mention how kind, passionate, and beautiful he is. You’d swear he was a fucking angel, regardless of the image he tries to portray.

“Y/n! Can we sit here with you? Please?” You hear your brother almost beg, catching your attention as your heart starts to race.

You’ve never mentioned to the group that you have a younger brother, especially not a younger brother that also plays D&D. You knew they’d want to be introduced to him, and you fear that he'd slowly come to replace you in the group.

“Who’re these kids?” Eddie questions, hands clasped in front of his face as he looks between you and the three younger boys standing behind you.

“Uh, Dustin, here, is my brother.” You start, nodding towards him as he smiles.

“A-and these are his friends, Mike and Lucas.” 

“A young Henderson…hmm? Tell me, do you guys play?” Eddie asks the three boys, catching them off guard, their mouths opening and closing as they figure out how to answer.

“They do. They’ve been playing for a few years.” You answer for them, motioning for them to just sit down.

“Thank you.” Mike and Lucas mouth, having sat on the same side of the table as you with Dustin.

You sigh, smiling lightly as you nod to them. Of course you don’t want to upset Eddie, but you’re also not going to leave your brother and his friends to fend for themselves.

Wanting to move on, you take a bite of your lunch, hoping that Eddie leaves the topic of the boys joining you alone. Having known him for three years, though, you should know that he can’t.

“You’ve never mentioned having a brother, Henderson.” He comments, and you can practically feel his eyes on you as you stare at your food.

“The topic never really came up.” 

“Not even when I’ve mentioned wanting to find new members?” He lightly smirks, curious as to why you’d keep such a thing secret. 

Surely you realize how great having a brother that plays D&D is? Within the year most of you will be graduating, and he needs someone to pass the dungeon master title on to. Your younger brother and his friends just starting high school couldn’t be a better option.

“Figured you’d find him and his friends soon enough anyways.” you comment, still not looking up to the curly-haired adonis.

“Hmm, well they’ve saved me the work of searching them out by coming over here. Welcome to hellfire, boys.” 

“Wait, you’re just letting them join?” Gareth questions.

“Yeah. You’ve seen Henderson play. If they know her then they’ve got to be good.” Eddie smiles, making your cheeks flush.

“They’re good, but not on my account.” You mumble.

“Nonsense. Still can’t believe you wouldn’t tell us about them before now, though.” 

“How come you haven’t, y/n? I mean, you talk about them all the time.” Dustin asks, before taking a bite of his food. 

At his statement, the rest of the group seem to perk up, curious to know what you say about each of them. 

“I do not. I’ve only mentioned the club a few times.” You huff, feeling your cheeks heat up a bit more.

“Only a few times to mom and I, but I hear you on the phone with your friend talking about them every week.”

“First off, why’re you even listening to me on the phone? Secondly, the only reason I talk about the club is because I’m updating her on my life.” 

“Got a rather boring life then.” Dustin quips and you simply gawk at him, not believing him right now as a few surprised chuckles leave the rest of the boys.

“Shut up and eat, Dustin. No one asked for your input.” 

You watch him shrug before turning to Mike and Lucas while you stick to staring at your food, feeling the group's eyes on you. It’s bad enough you’re the only girl in the group, you didn’t need them to know you talk about them on a weekly basis.

Little do you realize that Eddie can’t help but find himself smiling at this new side of you. He’s been intrigued by you ever since he first heard you correcting your friends back in your freshman year. He couldn’t believe that such a beautiful girl would play the game he loved.

Of course, after watching you play and just spending time with you during lunch, he’s found himself crushing on you, even if you still remained a bit of a mystery to him. He couldn’t bring himself to tell you of his feelings, though. Not once in the three years he’s known you.

Hearing that you talk about the club, though, makes his heart race. You really enjoy their company so much that you’d talk about them to a friend? It’s insane to him, and yet it makes him feel giddy. He can’t help but wonder what you’ve said - about the club or about him.

~.~

“Lauren, I’m telling you! For as long as I’ve been a part of the club, my brother joins and suddenly that’s all they care about. They all like my brother and his friends better than me.” You sigh, turning onto your back as you stare at the ceiling.

“I highly doubt that, y/n. I’m sure it’s just that your brother and his friends are still new.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure, Laur. I mean, it’s not like I really bring anything to the group.”

“Y/n, you’re the only girl.”

“That doesn’t mean anything though.” You almost whine. 

You hate to admit it, but you’ve been feeling left out of the club ever since your brother and his friends joined a few months ago. You had the feeling that this would happen, even though you hoped it wouldn’t.

It’s not like you really bring anything to the group, though, now that you’ve introduced Dustin, Lucas, and Mike to the club. Your character isn’t super powerful or helpful or anything. You’re not the best roller. You’re just there...seemingly wasting space.

“Pretty sure it does. I mean, the way you’ve talked about…what’s his name, Eddie?”

“What about him?”

“The way you’ve talked about him, it sounds like he likes you.”

“No. No, he doesn’t. I’m sure of that. He barely talks to me.” You sigh, rolling over onto your stomach as you bury your head into the pillows.

“Y/n, hon, boys are terrible at talking to the girls they like!” Lauren laughs, and you know she’s shaking her head at you.

“Not Eddie. He usually can’t stop flirting, and yet he doesn’t flirt with me. I don’t even think he’s ever actually called me by my name, Laur. I’m just...Henderson to him.”

“Maybe you make him nervous.”

“Me? Make him nervous? Laur, you’ve lost your mind!” You scoff, knowing you could never make a guy nervous. 

Guys don’t even notice you, for crying out loud. How can you make them nervous?

“I don’t make guys nervous. Guys don’t even notice me, Laur. I’m not you.”

“Okay, now you’re just being down on yourself and I’m not going to have that. If this Eddie guy can’t see how fucking amazing you are, then he just doesn’t deserve you. Alright?”

“Not alright. I want him to like me. Like, a lot.” You pout.

“I’m telling you he does. If I’m wrong then I’ll drive myself down there and let you have free go at me. How’s that?”

“You know I’d never do that to you, but I’m telling you that you’re wrong.”

“Sure, I like him, but I know it’s never going to happen.” You sigh, twirling the cord as you stare at your bedspread, still laying on your stomach.

“What’s never going to happen?” You hear Dustin ask, making you jump and drop the phone.

“Dustin, get out of my room!”

“But it’s time to go! We’re going to be late if we don’t leave, y/n, and I don’t want to upset Eddie by being late.” He rambles, and all you can do is roll your eyes.

“Fine. Go get in the car. I’ll be right down.”

“Don’t forget that we’re picking up Mike and Lucas. And don’t forget your folder!”

“I won’t. Now go.” You groan, rolling back onto your stomach and grabbing the phone.

“I’m sorry, Laur. I’ve got to go.” 

“Time to go see your man, huh?” She teases and you roll your eyes, attempting to fight back a blush.

“He’s not my man. Never will be. I’ll call you later, though, okay?” 

“You better! Love you.”

With a ‘love you’ of your own you hang up the phone and roll off of your bed. Grabbing your backpack and a sweater, you slip your shoes on before grabbing your keys and leaving the room.

You really kind of hope tonight’s game goes by quickly, not wanting to be in Eddie’s presence longer than necessary.

~.~

Eddie can’t help but frown as he watches you tonight. He’s been noticing how you’ve been seeming more and more down, almost seeming to pull into yourself and away from the group this past month.

You’ve been quiet lately, which isn’t terribly out of character for you, but it seems different than normal. You don’t quite have that same brightness to you that Eddie’s come to look forward to each day.

“Henderson, is everything alright?”

At his voice you’re pulled from your thoughts, turning to look at the beautiful, curly-haired man that makes your heart race and palms sweat.

“Mhm. Fine.” You hum, nodding and sending a small smile in his direction.

“You’re sure?”

“Mhm.”

As you hum, you turn your attention back to your clasped hands on the table as you zone back out to Dustin and the rest of the group chattering around you.

“Little Henderson, is something up with your sister?” you hear Eddie question as he turns his attention to your brother. 

“Unbelievable.” You huff, shaking your head and crossing your arms as you slump back in your chair.

“Excuse me?” 

“Nothing. Never mind.” You mumble, staring at the table in front of you as you chew on the inside of your cheek.

All you did was zone out for a moment. You don’t understand why he’d have to ask Dustin what’s wrong when that’s all you did. It’s not like he’s ever actually taken notice of your emotions before to know that something is wrong.

“I think she’s upset about a guy.” Dustin speaks up after a moment and you can’t help but scowl at him, brows furrowed in shocked anger.

“A guy?” Eddie questions, almost seeming surprised.

“Yeah.” 

“It’s not about a guy, Dustin. Maybe try keeping your head out of my business.” You retort, jaw tensing in anger.

“But you were saying something about liking someone and how it’s not going to happen.”

“And I told you to stop listening in on me when I’m on the phone.” 

“Then what’s wrong?” Dustin questions, seeming like he genuinely wants to know which irritates you slightly. Why does he have to be so caring when you’re trying to be angry with him?

“Doesn’t matter.” you state, wanting the conversation to be over.

“Yes, it does.”

“If I wanted to tell you, Dustin, I would. Just leave it.” 

“G-guys, can we…can we get playing again?” You hear Mike stutter out and you let out a deep breath.

“Yeah. Sorry for getting off topic. Let’s play.”

“Are you going to be alright to play?” Eddie questions, looking you over, seemingly studying your body language.

He’s never seen you upset before, and he can’t help but wonder what’s going on. It’s not like you to be angry and short with others. Not when he’s always seen you as the happy, upbeat one of the group. 

Could it be a guy like Dustin suggested? Or is it just that you’re not feeling well? Either way he can’t help but want to know.

“I’ll be fine. Let’s just get this going again.” you answer, not bothering to look at anyone but rather as the table and your hands. 

“Henderson-“ Eddie starts, but you quickly cut him off, taking him by surprise at the sheer frustration coming from you.

“Do you not want me playing right now? I said I’ll be fine. Believe me, will you?” 

“Alright. Where were we?”

You let out a breath as you all slowly get back to the game, although you can feel the tenseness of the air still lingering. Attempting to ignore it, you force yourself to focus on what Eddie and everyone else is saying, hoping to god the campaign isn’t much longer.

~.~

Taking your seat at the lunch table, you feel Gareth and Jeff’s eyes on you. It’s like they’re not sure how to talk to you, almost afraid that you’re still as touchy as you were last night during the game.

“I’m not going to bite your heads off, you know.” You comment, not bothering to look up at them as you shove a forkful of food into your mouth.

“You’re sure?” Gareth questions, eyes wider than normal as he still seems cautious.

“Mhm. I just wasn’t feeling great last night.”

“Okay. You’ve just…never been like this.” He states and you know he’s not wrong. Ever since you first joined the club you’ve been quiet and almost demure, not wanting to create any issues. 

You shrug, acknowledging his statement, but leave it unanswered. There’s not really anything to say to that. Not when the entire reason for your irritation is kind of embarrassing and childish.

The two of them don’t seem to mind though, going back to talking amongst themselves as you eat in silence, waiting for everyone else to join the table.

It’s not like anything really changes once everyone is there. They all chat amongst themselves while you keep to yourself, only giving short replies when talked to. You simply eat in silence as you let yourself fall into your thoughts, not wanting to make the atmosphere tense like you had last night.

No one seems to mind, though. At least you don’t think they do. Not until Eddie slides into the empty desk next to yours in your shared study hall at the end of the day.

“Hey, Henderson.” He greets, voice lowered so as to not get yelled at by the teacher or to potentially get on your bad side.

“Hey.” 

“What’s…what’s going on lately?”

“What do y’mean?”

“You’ve been quieter than usual. Not as happy either.”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about Eddie.” You mumble, not wanting to share what’s been going on.

“No? See, I think you know exactly what I’m talking about. Something’s bothering you.” 

“So what if there is? I’m not telling you unless I want to.” 

At your reply, Eddie simply sighs, and you can’t help but feel a little rude. It’s not like he’s done anything, it’s just your stupid thoughts and feelings getting in the way.

“Alright then. I’m not going to push for an answer. I just...I need to know that whatever it is won’t be interfering with the campaign.” 

“It won’t be. Not from here on out.”

“Here on out?”

“I’m quitting the club. Been thinking about it for a while now.” You admit, watching his face fall at your words.

“Henderson-“

“It’s y/n, Eddie.“

As the words leave your lips, the bell rings to signal that the day is finally over. Without hesitating a second, you’re up from your seat and walking away, leaving Eddie confused and scrambling to catch up to you.

“Y/n?” He calls, chasing you from the classroom and towards the doors, not caring that he needed to stop at his locker.

You see Dustin, Lucas, and Mike waiting by the trash can at the edge of the parking lot, and you sigh. You really can’t wait to get home.

“Y/n?! What’s brought this on? Why do you wanna leave the club?” Eddie calls as he continues to follow you towards the parking lot.

“You’re leaving hellfire?” Dustin questions, him and the other two boys having heard Eddie.

“Just get in the car, Dustin.”

“But you’re leaving hellfire?! You can’t just do that!” 

“Exactly! Why’re you trying to leave?” Eddie questions, panting lightly as he finally catches up to you at your car.

“I’m not trying to leave, Eddie. I am leaving. I don’t want to be a part of it anymore. Sorry.”

“No. You can’t just leave. We haven’t finished the campaign yet.”

“You’ll figure out how to continue it without me, I’m sure.”

Of course he’d just be upset about the game getting messed up and not about you actually leaving. Why would he care when he’s still got Little Henderson there? 

“I’ll return my shirt next week.” You state, moving to get into the car.

“Th-that’s not necessary. Hold onto the shirt. Keep it for memory’s sake, I mean.”

“If that’s what you want.” 

Eddie nods, watching you, seeming as if he wants to say something else but he can’t bring himself to.

“Is that everything?” You question, wanting nothing more than to leave.

“Yeah...Yeah, I guess. I’ll see you around?” 

“Yeah. See you around. Come on now, Dustin.”

“You two need rides?” You question Mike and Lucas, almost seeming to ignore Eddie as you get in the car. They shake their heads and you nod, closing your door as you wait for Dustin to do the same.

Soon as he does, you’re putting the car in reverse and backing out as you had already started it. You really didn’t want to be there any longer than you already had been.

As you pull out of the parking lot, though, you can feel Dustin wanting to ask questions, but he seems scared to anger you, so he stays quiet. His questions simply swirling around his head, instead.

~.~

“Wait, you did what now?!” Lauren questions, almost screaming into the receiver.

“I quit the club. I couldn’t keep pretending everything was fine when it wasn’t.”

“But you enjoyed it.”

“I enjoyed it when I hadn’t been shoved to the background. I enjoyed it when I actually felt like a part of the club.” 

“So talk to them? You don’t just quit something because it stopped being fun.”

“I think that’s precisely what you do when a club stops being fun, Laur. Besides, it’s not like they miss me.” You huff, pulling your feet towards your body as you lay on your stomach, softly kicking them in the air.

It’s been just about a month since you quit the club, and while it saddens you a little, you’ve also felt the tiniest bit of relief. You don’t have to try so hard to keep your crush on Eddie hidden anymore. You don’t have to spend every lunch period listening to the guys talk about whatever it is they do while you sit to the side. You don’t have to feel like the outcast in the group of outcasts. 

Sure you miss playing the game, but it’s not the end of the world. You’ve found other things to keep yourself preoccupied. Mostly just listening to music and doing your homework, but you’ve found yourself picking up art as a hobby as the days dragged on, slowly starting to fill and old sketchbook you’ve had lying around.

~.~

“It’s still so weird that y/n isn’t here.” Gareth comments as the boys watch you sit at a different table once again. They don’t know why, but they keep hoping this has just been some kind of nightmare and that any day you’ll actually sit back down with them. It just doesn’t make sense why you’d leave them all so abruptly. 

“Yeah. It is.” Jeff agrees, sighing as they see a smile form on your face with a laugh falling out right after. It’s been way too long since any of them have seen you like this, and it kind of hurts.

“She still wears her shirt a lot.” Dustin informs, looking at the older boys - Eddie included - as they watch you.

“She does?” Eddie questions, the bit of knowledge somehow lifting him up a little.

He hated hearing you say you were quitting, and he hated it even more when Monday came around the week after and you didn’t sit with them. Nearly three years you had sat by his side and suddenly you weren’t there anymore. It felt beyond wrong, but he didn’t know what to do to fix it, if there even was anything that he could do.

“Yeah. She seems to wear it all the time now. I’m honestly not sure when the last time was that she didn’t wear it.”

Eddie nods, smiling lightly at the thought. He can’t help but wonder if there’s anything different he could have done to keep you from leaving. Was it something he had said? Or done? Was it just him?

“She’s been acting weird since she left. I heard her on the phone the other day-“

“You really should stop that, Dustin.” Eddie pipes up, but the younger boy doesn’t seem to hear.

“She said something about how she couldn’t keep pretending everything was fine after mentioning to her friend that she quit.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I don’t know. I’ve never known her to pretend about anything. I don’t know what she was talking about.”

“Because then she said something about enjoying the club when she felt like a part of it? She’s always been a part of it though.” Dustin continues, frowning as he eats his food.

He may not understand what you were talking about, but Eddie has a sinking feeling that he does. He really hopes he’s wrong though. 

He doesn’t want to admit that he was giving your brother and his friends more attention than he’s ever really gave you. It’s not that they’re better than you in any way, honestly. It’s just that they’re boys. 

He’s always hesitated in giving you attention during meetings or at lunch, because he didn’t want anyone to catch onto the crush he has on you. He was afraid that if Gareth or Jeff knew he liked you, that it’d make the atmosphere awkward. 

Even by keeping you at a distance, though, the two guys picked up on Eddie’s crush. It’s not in his character to be quiet or reserved in the slightest, so when they noticed how he constrained himself in conversation with you, they knew something was up.

Still, Eddie could never allow himself to act the same way with you like he does with Gareth and Jeff, and now your brother and his friends. He wanted you to like him, so he kept himself from being sarcastic and outspoken with you. Hearing Dustin talk though, Eddie has the suspicion that his plan may have backfired.

“Your sister still picks you up from the meetings, doesn’t she?” Eddie questions, already planning out what he wants to say to you when he can get you aside for a moment.

“No. Nancy’s been dropping me off or I’ve just been riding my bike.” 

“I’ll be driving you home tonight then.” 

“O-okay?!”

Eddie chuckles lightly at Dustin’s excitement, but he never takes his eyes off of you across the cafeteria. He needs to talk to you, and he’s hoping that tonight he can do just that.

~.~

“You know it ain’t easy, running out of thrills. You know it ain’t easy when you don’t know what you want.” 

You hum, laying on your bed as you listen to the drums, guitar, and vocals of Europe fill your room.

“What do you want?” You question, mirroring the song, your foot tapping against your bedspread as you close your eyes.

“Woah-oh-oh, you want to rock now, rock the night, ‘til early in the morning light. Rock now, rock the night.”

“Woah-oh, woah-oh, yeah!” You sing, smiling lightly. 

It’s been awhile since you’ve been able to just relax and enjoy listening to your music without worrying about homework or being late to hellfire. One of the plus sides of quitting the club - you finally get time just for yourself.

Hearing a knock on your door, you hum loud enough to acknowledge whoever is at the door.

“y/n? You’ve got a visitor.” Dustin calls, gently opening your door.

“Who?” You question, sitting up on your bed, nodding as Eddie comes into view behind Dustin.

“Oh…hi.”

“Hi. I-is it alright if I come in?” He questions, pausing in your doorway.

“Yeah, I guess so.” 

As he makes his way inside, you situate yourself in your bed so you’re comfortably sitting up.

“Do you…” 

At Eddie’s voice, you look up to see him questioning you about your door, going to close it before swinging it open.

“You can close it if you want. I don’t care.” 

He nods, softly shoving the door to close it, not quite giving it enough force to close all the way so there’s a little crack left open.

“So what’re you doing here?” You question him, watching him as he looks around, seeming a bit out of place with your soft white walls and contradicting decor.

While he may fit into the plethora of rock band posters covering your walls and the many records and cassettes you’ve got laying around, he doesn’t fit in with the florals and stuffed animals you’ve got elsewhere in your room.

“I, uh, I was hoping we could talk.”

“About what?”

You can’t help but chuckle as he spots the bralette hanging out of your dresser, you having been too lazy to tuck it back in earlier, and seems to pale in horror. For seeming so confident and cocky, he sure doesn’t look it being in a girl’s room.

“You can sit, you know.” You offer, motioning to the chair you’ve got in the corner of your room.

“Yeah, okay.” He mumbles, taking a few steps over towards the chair before sitting on the edge of the seat.

You watch as he takes in your room, fidgeting with his hands and rings as he does so. If you didn’t know better, you’d say he was nervous to be here.

“What did you want to talk about?”

“Uh, well, w-we really miss you being in the club. G-gareth, Jeff, and I. I mean, s-so do the younger ones, but…”

“But you three miss me more?” You question, eyebrow cocking in disbelief.

“Well, yeah…yeah.”

“Okay.” You deadpan, not sure what he wants in reply to that. It’s nice to hear that they miss you, but it doesn’t really change anything.

A brief moment passes where you watch Eddie, waiting for him to say something else. Taking in his mannerisms and body language, you can’t remember a time when Eddie’s ever looked so nervous and unsure of himself.

“D-dustin was saying you felt left out? Of the club?” Eddie clarifies, drawing up just enough courage to look at you.

“He was listening to me on the phone again, wasn’t he?” 

“Y-yeah. I tried telling him to stop, but I don’t think he heard me.” he sighs, chuckling lightly in nerves as you shake your head.

“I don’t think he’ll ever stop, if I’m honest. He’ll be traumatized one day or another I’m sure.” You laugh, shaking your head at the thought as you smile.

“It’s true though? You…you felt left out?”

“Yeah. It’s dumb, I know, but you guys took so easily to Dustin, Lucas, and Mike.”

“I get it, they’re great kids, and they play D&D…but it’s like they didn’t even have to try to fit into the group.” You sigh, knowing it’s about time you share at least part of the problem.

“No. No, it’s not dumb. I’m sorry we made you - I made you - feel that way.” Eddie sighs, catching your line of sight in his, wanting you to realize how sincere he’s being.

He never wanted to make you feel left out, it’s just his stupid feelings that got in the way.

“It’s fine. It doesn’t matter anymore, anyways.” 

“It does matter, though. We’d - I’d - really like you to join the group again. It’s not the same without you there, y/n.”

“I’m sorry. I just, I really don’t think joining again would be good, though.” You admit, knowing that if you joined again you’d still just be upset that nothing will ever come from your crush on him.

“How come? I-is there something else that’s been bothering you about the club? I want you to feel welcome.”

“No. No, It’s nothing about the club, Eddie. There’s just a lot of things going on personally that’d make it hard.”

“That guy issue?”

“What?”

“Is it anything to do with that guy issue Dustin mentioned?” Eddie questions, and you can’t help but gawk at him.

“Does he not like you playing or something?”

“What? No.” you answer, shaking your head incredulously, wondering how Eddie got it into his head that you’d ever be wanted by someone. Has he never actually watched how other guys interact with you?

“Then what is it? Why won’t you come back to the club?”

“It doesn’t matter. I just...can’t. It’s better if I let you guys enjoy it yourselves.”

“It’s not better, though. We all want you back, y/n.”

“I’m sorry.” You sigh, not knowing what else you can say. 

A moment passes where neither of you say anything and you start to think that maybe you’re done talking. Before you can say anything of the sort though, Eddie’s asking a question.

“Tell me, is there anything I can do? Anything that would make you want to come back?”

“No…no, there’s nothing you could do, eddie, I promise y-“

“There must be.” He argues, wanting nothing more than to find something he can do to get you to come back. 

He misses you more than he thought possible, and he just needs there to be something - anything - he can do.

“There’s not, though.”

“How come?”

“What?”

“How come there’s nothing I can do? Are you just that dead set on not coming back? Even though we all miss you?”

“If I could, trust me that I would join the group again. I just, I can’t right now, Eddie. I’m sor-“

“Why can’t you?”

“Because…because of you.” You sigh, fed up with him pushing for an answer.

“Me?”

“You, Eddie. I can’t come back because of you. Because if I did then I’d just get all upset again because my heart is dumb and doesn’t know how to listen.” 

“What do you mean?”

You sigh, taking a deep breath as you look at him. You can’t seriously be getting ready to tell him this, but you are. You don’t see any other option right now.

“I like you, Eddie.” You sigh, fidgeting with your fingers.

“I like you, but you don’t like me. I mean, it’s obvious between you never talking to me or looking at me and how you’ve always called me Hender-“

You gasp, moaning lightly as you get cut off by a pair of lips on yours. Eddie was kissing you to shut you up.

At the realization you can’t help but panic, not understanding why he’d do this when he doesn’t like you. 

“Eddie!” 

“Fuck! I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just, you were rambling and saying I didn’t like you but I do! I do. I like y-“

It’s his turn to gasp and groan into the kiss as you pull him to your lips, one hand tightly grasped in the front of his shirt while the other drapes around his shoulders, holding him close to you.

As he realizes what’s happening, he relaxes into the kiss, his one hand coming up to caress your cheek as the other holds himself up on the bed.

It’s not until you’re both out of breath and gasping for air do you actually pull away from each other, your hand relaxing against his chest as he lowers his from your cheek.

“Woah.” He sighs, trying to catch his breath as he chuckles lightly, studying your face.

“Yeah.” You murmur, ghosting your fingers over your lips as if trying to remember if that actually just happened.

“Uhm, so I like you. If-if that wasn’t obvious.” He stutters and you chuckle, smiling at the curly-haired dork.

“I like you too.”

“I’m sorry I pushed you away. Made you feel left out when I was just too nervous to admit I liked you.”

“I’m sorry I got all moody and quit the club because I was jealous of my brother instead of just telling you how I felt.”

“So…does this mean you’ll come back?” He asks, hopeful, as he kneels in front of you.

“You’ll stop treating me differently?”

“Mhm. Trust me when I say there’ll be no pushing you away after that.” 

“Mm. Don’t be treating me specially either just because we kissed.” you lightly chuckle, cocking a brow as you chew on your lip to hold back the smile wanting to light up your face.

“Can I treat you differently if I ask you to be my girlfriend?” he questions, a wide, goofy smile filling his face as he looks at you.

A smile grows on your face at his sheer happiness, drawing a light chuckle from you as you reply to his question.

“Not during game play. We don’t wanna be unfair to the guys, do we?”

“Mm, you’re right. If I promise to not treat you specially during gameplay then will you be my girlfriend?” he asks, really wanting to hear you say yes. He’s only liked you for nearly three years, frequently imagining you as his girlfriend the entire time.

“I would really love for you to be my girlfriend, and I your boyfriend. It just. It sounds really nice.” 

“You ramble a lot. You know that?” You giggle, tucking some hair behind his ear as a blush dusts over his cheeks.

“Is that a good thing?”

“Sometimes.” You smile, biting your lip to keep from kissing him again.

“So…?”

“If you promise not to treat me specially during the game, then I’d love to be your girlfriend, Eddie.”

“Yeah?” He questions, as if he doesn’t believe that you’d agree.

“Yeah.”

With the word out of your mouth, his lips find yours again, pulling a chuckle from your body as he slowly lowers himself on top of you, pinning you against your mattress as he kisses you, one hand cupping your cheek as the other rests on your waist.

“Did you-ew!” You hear Dustin call from your doorway, fake gagging as he sees Eddie on top of you, effectively startling the man back into kneeling at the end of your bed.

“Did we what, dustin?” You ask, leaning around Eddie’s body to look at your brother still standing at your doorway, one hand plastered over his eyes.

“I wanted to see if you two had figured things out, but it seems like you did.”

“Yeah, we did, little henderson. Your sister is coming back to the club.” Eddie shares, smiling at you as he situates himself on the bed beside you, Dustin uncovering his eyes in excitement at the exact same time.

“Can you please get off of my sister?” he begs, shielding his eyes again as eddie places a soft kiss to your lips in his own happiness of you coming back to the club.

“But I like being close to my girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?! You’re dating my sister?!” Dustin exclaims, a look of pure shock and disgust on his face.

“Is there a problem with it, Dustin?” You question, watching your brother almost seeming to pout.

“I guess not. Just…don’t be gross when I’m around. Please?”

“We’ll try not to be.” Eddie states, smiling at you as Dustin nods, giving a small okay before leaving the two of you alone.

As the door closes, Eddie’s looking back at you, both of you chuckling.

“Guess you were right in saying he’d be traumatized one day.” He chuckles, leaning down to give you another kiss, never realizing just how amazing it’d feel to have your lips on his.

You can’t help but smile into it, enjoying the feel of his body on yours. You’ve only been imaging this moment for nearly four years. You’ve got to say that nothing you imagined could ever live up to the reality, though. Kissing Eddie is like a little slice of heaven, you swear.

It certainly took you long enough to get here, but now that you’re here, you don’t ever want to go back.

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You inhaled sharply, holding your breath a little as you entered the cafeteria. Scanning the place with your eyes, you found the usual, daily 40-minute chaos every student was allowed to – each social group was at their usual sits, some also divided from freshmen to seniors. And while you let a long huff of air out through your mouth, your eyes met with his figure, putting his tray dramatically on the Hellfire table – your usual table –. You felt like holding air onto your lungs all over again, or at least running to the closest bathroom, if not away from school itself. You desperately wanted to call in sick and run away from Eddie Munson, that was your provisional solution.

It felt all so real, the way you felt under him as he slowly and lovingly ran his hands through your soft, warm skin. The tips of his fingers were slightly calloused from all the guitar playing and they provoked goosebumps as he layed his beautiful hands on your belly. His perfectly plump lips added soft little moist spots in between your breasts as he layered kisses in there. His hair was tickling your neck and your legs were starting to tangle in each other.

Your eyes were tightly closed, and as you forced them open in an attempt to come back to your reality while starting to walk back around the tables with your own tray in your hands, you caught a glimpse of Robin and Nancy talking at a separate, small table. You were quite literally just about to walk past them in the direction of Hellfire, but in an outburst and with your heart racing, you walked a few steps back and threw yourself on a bench, sitting beside Robin. "Hi! hey, you guys I haven't seen you here! how's everything going?” Your voice sounded higher than normal, squeaky even, and you didn’t give your girlfriends any time to answer. “Nancy, you got your cover published, right? I’m so, so happy for you! How are you feeling?" though trying to feign any normality, you babbled all too quickly, both girls looking stunned at your sudden entrance, Robin frowned her eyebrows and glanced at Nancy, who was already looking at her with her own eyebrows arched and wide eyes. You noticed while your friends were having a tiny little debate through stares, and Nancy turned back at you. "y/n, why..." she pressed her lips together in a friendly smile "why are you sitting here? as in why aren't you at the hellfire table? I really don’t mean to be rude but… We don’t normally talk at lunch."

You almost winced. Fuck! You just can't be near those boys right now, you couldn't look at Eddie while he acted discourses, entertaining and basically ruling everyone at that table, not after last night. See, you screwed yourself when, in those typical situations, you dreamt about your friend who was starting to look a tiny bit cuter in your eyes. Except it wasn't simply any dream. You had a wet dream with your best friend who was starting to look cute in your eyes.

Damn it. His breath felt hot in your collarbones while your own was starting to sound gasped, both getting heavier by the second, the air getting thicker as you crossed that fine line between friendship and something else, as Eddie kissed that fine line away and you held back moans to hide how good it felt to finally do it.

Robin noticed a pang of guilt in your eyes as you turned back from a quick – but not so discreet – stare at your geeky friend group. "listen, I just- today. I just can't! I just can't look at Eddie!" you whispered the last part, still emphasizing it. Nancy turned her head slightly to the side as Robin couldn’t help her brain to process things way too quickly for her own good, she snapped “did you guys have a fight?!” 

“No!” You nearly screamed right back at her, starting to feel overwhelmed. It’s not that you didn’t trust your friends enough to tell them about this, though since she got with Jonathan Nancy tuned down on the boy-talk significantly, and Robin was more used to just pining, claiming it was simply safer for her that way. Y/n, though, was really just feeling so guilty and at the same time so scared she was suddenly starting to see her friend that way.

Seeing him. The sight of him hovering on top of her, all of his tattoos on display just for her to see and touch. His back muscles flexing as he lowered for each kiss or each thrust. The view of his arms and broad shoulders as he ducked down, engulfed in you and the passionate moment. The little times you would allow yourself to open your eyes just a bit and you were met with his. The way he smiled at you in the middle of the sheets. It was all so real you could spend hours redrawing the beautiful sight of Eddie Munson, your best friend, and dungeon master, on the bed with you, in your dream.

You let out a sigh, losing count of how many times you have done it since you woke up that morning. “Look, girls, I…,” you were met with the curious and supportive gaze of Nancy and Robin, who were silently ushering you to say whatever was bothering you about Eddie. “I had a dream last night and it just crosses a lot of boundaries and I just can’t face him right now, really”

As you explained yourself, trying your absolute best to make your friends understand what you were talking about without explicitly saying it, Eddie was not so subtly staring at your current table for a while now. He had noticed a few minutes prior when Robin spoke a little too loud that you were talking — probably gossiping — about him, the boy was notably worried because for starters you hadn’t sat amongst them that day, which already wasn’t usual at all, plus he was really excited about how he had unraveled the next events from his campaign, and he wanted to talk about it. Jeff noticed the frustrated frown on Eddie’s face and followed his gaze until his eyes reached your back as well. He nudged Dustin, both starting to convince Eddie to just go ahead and ask you if anything was wrong, not before smirking to themselves.

Eddie indeed had walked away from his table and was getting near you, Robin and Nancy’s faces were melting from interest to a slight panic, eyes widening again. But, too invested in venting about the problem at hand, you hadn’t noticed that, nor the reason behind it, not before it was too late. “Who can’t you face right now?” You heard his voice coming from behind you, widening your own eyes this time around.

Gosh, his voice. Hearing his voice for the first time after dreaming about it being so raspy and loud while muttering sweet nothings in her ear was hard. Your mind had no trouble taking you back to the vivid moans you heard in your dream – you were the cause of said moans –, while hearing him singing sometimes with Corroded Coffin, or even quietly in his room, his voice would already provoke palpitations in your heart nonetheless, but never in such scenarios, never so intimate, never so dirty.

You jumped from your sit, looking startled in the direction of the object of your probation for the day. Damn it, he was glowing, You were at a loss of words, gulping as an answer to his question, you knew damn well that you would only stutter if you so much as tried to come up with anything slightly convincing. “As a matter of fact, she was talking about you!” - Nancy stated calmly as if she knew just what she was doing Robin’s eyes went wide but soon she smirked in understanding. You were, apparently, betrayed by your own friends, gawking at them for a few seconds before turning back at Eddie. 

“Yeah she dreamt of you, actually,” it was Robin’s time to speak, making you run both hands through your face as Eddie wondered, “A dream?”. You pieced two and two together thankfully fast, but although you understood where the girls were coming from, this was not the right time or situation to indulge in confessing any bubbling feelings, so you went with the option Robin gave you earlier.

“Yeah, I dreamt that we fought! And you were a real di- a real prick to me about it! Okay?” You arched both eyebrows and tilted your head to the side, trying your best to muster any confrontation. You were terrible at it, and the only thing on your mind right now was how the first word that came to your mind to describe Eddie’s “bad” attitude in your dream was “dick”. What the fuck. Shit. You couldn’t be serious. You were starting to sweat. 

“...Wait but are you mad because of a fight with dream me?” Eddie nearly sounded concerned this time around, talking about his dream self as if he was referring to a whole other persona, maybe an evil twin or something like it.

Dream him. His touch, his breath, the sight of him, how he sounded. This was killing you.

You felt a pang of guilt at the way he sounded though, frowning slightly before looking back at Nancy. She wore a friendly scolding expression, lips pressed together. It was unfair to him that since you couldn’t control your silly little brain and its damned dirty thoughts, you’d simply ignore Eddie as a solution. 

As you fell silent for a little long, Eddie touched your arm softly. “can we…?” He nearly whispered softly motioning somewhere else with his head, indicating he wanted to talk to you with a little more privacy. Your friends giggled, you’d remember to  — playfully —  confront them about this later. Later, because right now Eddie was being all worried and soft, and this was killing you.

You left the cafeteria, and Eddie was still with his hand in your arms as he stopped in front of you, his hands made their way down to yours as you rested your back on a wall, gulping again. The hall was really quiet, Eddie started speaking again, looking at you with those soft, big brown eyes. “Are you actually mad at me? Come on, what can I do about it? How can real me compensate you for the way dream me acted, hm? What did I do?” It was funny, though, the way he wasn’t even being ironic about the whole fight dream and how he was willing to make things right. If you weren’t so worried and build up about the whole real situation, you would’ve laughed.

"No, Eddie, you didn’t do anything wrong, I… We didn't fight, we…" Every little stop was a nervous, deep breath. Eddie seemed to be really focused on what you were trying to say and as you fell into silence again, he noticed you trying to wet your dry mouth with your tongue, your gulp, the way you were gripping both his arms, your closed eyes, and eyebrows pressed together. Your generally flustered complexion. Eddie Munson was repeating for the third time, but he could put two and two together, especially when he himself has acted that way about you before, he was just better at hiding it.

“What did we do then, y/n?” His voice was more stern this time, and you looked at him quickly, opening your eyes that started to wide almost involuntarily this time, he was smirking. your mouth fell into a small “o”, and his smile only widened at that. He caught onto you. Shit.

“Thank you so much, officer,” the sweet voice rang out, louder now. Like it was coming from just inside the door to his room. “I promise I’ll make this quick!”

Holy shit, it is her.

The door clicked closed before an echo of heavy boots followed on the tile before he saw you appear around the corner. “You up for a jail break,” you asked, hands placed matter of factly on your hips.

“Uuuuh,” was all Eddie could get out at this point.

Nobody, not one single person, had been allowed in his room since he’d been brought here. Not even his poor uncle who he’d heard begging the cop guarding the door on his second day there. But here you were, like it was just another day. A lot cleaner than the last time he’d seen you, although his mind was a little fuzzy from that night given all the blood he’d lost.

A hand waved in front of his face, “earth to Munson,” you sang, pulling him from his thoughts of that night.

“Shit, sorry,” he finally responded. “What exactly do you mean jail break? I’m in here for murder, multiple to be precise.” 

You huffed as if he wasn’t getting some joke you’d just told, annoyance evident on your face. Without another word you pulled two bobby pins from the tight bun you had pulled back at the nape of your neck, the long strand of hair they’d been holding back falling in your face before you could tuck it safely behind your ear.

“I’m getting you out of here,” you spoke softly as to not let the cop just outside the door hear. “We all know you’re not the psycho killer the entire town has convinced itself you are. You should hear the news, are they letting you turn the tv on? It’s probably a good thing if they aren’t. This total idiot is on the news saying it wasn’t an ‘earthquake’ that cracked the entire town in half but that you opened some portal to hell with your creepy voodoo.”

All the color drained from Eddie’s face, “what, you’re kidding!”

“Keep it down,” you shushed him, taking one of his hands that was cuffed to the bed and trying to find a good angle on the lock. “I need to concentrate.” 

“You know if you get caught doing this you get a nice jail cell right next to mine, right,” Eddie whispered, his voice on edge.

You waved him off with a nod of the head, twisting the bobby pin between your teeth until it straightened just enough. “Yeah, Eds, I’m aware of the risk but seeing as you just saved all our asses in the third dimension or whatever the hell that place is I think I owe you one.”

“Sweet face,” he spoke, an attempt to press your buttons so you’d look up at him. “You don’t owe me shit.”

Any other time he’d called you by that name you’d ignore him or flip him the bird but now, now it made your cheeks burn red hot. “I beg to differ,” you replied, brows knitted in concentration as you slid the two little metal pins into the lock of the cuffs. “This isn’t up for debate, Munson. Robin is already talking the cops ear off outside the door. Too late to abort the plan now.”

“W-wait,” he stammered. “You’ve got Robin roped into this too?”

A huff of breath escaped you, annoyed at his dimness, “did you think I was planning the hospital jail break by myself?”

“Well,” he started, his head falling back onto the pillow now. “I guess I didn’t think they’d be rushing to my rescue now that I’m a caught criminal.”

That made you laugh. He was as dramatic as they came and hearing him, the kid who ran the nerdiest club at Hawkins High, call himself a ‘caught criminal’ reminded you of just how dramatic. “They’re the ones who helped me carry your sorry ass out of the upside down after you passed out, Eddie. Those asshole cops won’t let anyone in here…they’ve been trying all week.”

“So…you got in here, how, exactly,” he questioned, looking back down at you.

One more twist of the two bobby pins and bam they popped right open, freeing his right hand. “My charming personality, of course.”

His eyes looked like they were about to bug right out of their head as he realized you’d actually been able to free him of the cuffs. “You’re a genius, I’ll give you that, but how in the hell are you planning on getting me out of this room? Robin can talk but I don’t think she can do anything to move them from that door.”

“Ye of little faith,” you grinned, sitting on the side of the hospital bed, reaching across Eddie’s body for his other cuffed hand. “You’re going out the window, Munson.”

He really couldn’t believe it. Just a few days ago you barely knew each other more than a passing glance as you dropped your younger brother off at Hellfire Club and here you were saving his ass, again. “I’m in the hospital for a reason, Y/N. I don’t know if I’m in the best condition to be scaling a building.”

“You know if you’d shut up for five seconds and stopped doubting me I think this,” you gestured towards your fingers twisting and turning the pins around in the lock. “Might go a little faster. If you must know, Harrington is helping me with the window escape, Dustin is on the ground with Nancy waiting in the getaway car. Besides, we’re on the first floor of this shit hole hospital…you can make it that far in your fragile state.”

Eddie watched your lips curl into a devilish smirk at that last remark, still able to tease him as you worked to get the second cuff off. “You’re all insane, you know that?”

“Dustin would kill me if I didn’t at least try to save your ass,” you replied, finally getting the other cuff to pop open. “Besides, if any Henderson is going to jail I think I’d handle it a lot better than the kid would.”

Before he could think Eddie’s hands grabbed either side of your face and quickly planted a kiss on your lips, something he’d thought about doing every time he’d see you yelling at Dustin from your car outside of the school. It was quick, nothing more than a peck, but it took both of you by surprise. “Uuuuh,” he struggled to find the words, his hands still cupping your face. “I, uh, don’t know what got into me there.”

“Heat of the moment,” you offered, eyes still wide from shock.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s it,” he quickly agreed.

Quickly you got up from the bed and tossed his crumpled, bloody clothes over to him, “couldn’t sneak in fresh clothes so that’ll have to wait. You better make it snappy because Robin’s been going for 15 minutes and that’s about 5 minutes longer than I’d planned on.”

The soft murmur of Robin’s rambling could be heard from the other side of the door but now you could hear the voice of a very annoyed cop too. You quickly shot over to the window and fumbled with the heavy lock keeping the window shut to the outside world. Just as you got the lock snapped open Steve popped into view scaring you half to death. “Harrington,” you breathed, shoving the window open as quietly as possible. 

“Sorry, I got held up down below and didn’t think I was gonna get my ass here in time,” he got out in between heavy breaths. “Is the prisoner ready for transport?”

Before you could turn to check you felt Eddie press up behind you, leaning his head over your shoulder to get a look at Steve. “Shit, you weren’t kidding about this plan!”

“I wasn’t risking my ass for nothing,” you grinned, moving out of the way to allow him to start out the window. “Careful, none of us have any medical training outside of Neosporin and a Band-Aid. And I promise you that my bedside manner is a lot worse than those snooty nurses I met outside your room.”

“Oh you mean my biggest fans,” Eddie joked, carefully putting one leg through the window then the other until Steve steadied him on the other side of the glass.

“Making friends everywhere you go, I see,” Steve rolled his eyes.

Eddie opened his mouth to say something back to you but you’d already closed the window and locked it once more. A quick thumbs up to Steve before you closed the curtains quickly and made your way back out of the room. 

Now this was the tough part of the plan.

In Dustin’s scenario the idiot cop would shoo you out of the room and down the hall without thinking to check in on Eddie. But it couldn’t be that easy, could it? 

One quick deep breath before reaching for the handle to the heavy wood door, your fingers trembling worse than they had been after Eddie had kissed you just minutes ago. As nonchalantly as you could muster you breezed out of the door, slamming it behind you, before turning to the cop. “You know what, you were right, that kid is a real psycho,” you spit out the prepared speech your little brother had coached you through. “I appreciate you letting me tell him off one last time, for my brother.”

“You better leave before my boss finds out you were anywhere near here,” he replied, eyes still focused straight ahead.

Your eyes went from him to the door and back, waiting for him to look in on his prison but not so much as a twitch of his hand alerted you to that being his next move. “No worries, officer,” you grinned. “You won’t be seeing me anywhere near this place anytime soon!”

A few steps took you around the corner and you ran directly into a very worried and wound up Robin. “Did it work, is he out? Did he get down the building alright? Wh-,” she rambled quickly.

“Robin,” you whispered, grabbing hold of her shoulders to steady her before you got motion sickness from the way she was flailing her hands about. “If you don’t shut up I’ll turn right around and tell one of those cops that you’re the one who sprung the psycho teenage serial killer.”

She bit her lip in an attempt to stop her word vomit, “But, did…”

How can you see into my eyes like open doors?

Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb

According to most, there was little to love about the long-haired, fantasy-loving “freak”. But from the moment you met Eddie, you knew he was far from what anyone guessed just from the surface. You didn’t often seek out close connections with others, knowing from experience that it only leads to heartache. But with Eddie, his magnetic pull was undeniable to you, though you had no idea where that pull would lead you.

Eddie, on the other hand, was unconvinced of your genuine interest in his life, in his opinions, in his… well, anything. Someone like you focusing your attention on someone like him seemed too good to be true. He preferred to face reality and avoid disappointment - he would leave the fantasy to his gameplay.

But everything about you wanted to know everything about him. You thought you made it abundantly clear, but Eddie’s own self-doubts held him back from letting you in no matter how often you knocked.

All this time I can't believe I couldn't see

Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me

When Eddie went into hiding while he was wanted for murder, you went with him. You knew leaving him alone would only let his self-doubts and his anxiety fester. So you stayed with him, you did what you could to protect him.

Eddie couldn’t believe you would actually choose to remain with him when the rest of the world feared him, hated him. But as with every other time since meeting the addictingly sweet boy, you offered your shoulder for crying or carrying or anything else he could possibly need.

It wasn’t until life put you all to the test that Eddie began to see what had been there all along and what kept him going all this time: you. It was the way you sat with him and worked through his dark and twisted mind, weeding through the terrors that plagued him and what he had seen. When he shared his fears, you offered your hand and he took it gratefully each time, squeezing and squeezing until the images fizzled away.

Eddie wasn’t perfect, and neither were you. But there was no denying the way you felt for one another, even if you let the words simmer in your throat and never speak them out. Deep down, you feared that revealing your feelings for Eddie might somehow tempt fate and you simply weren’t willing to take that risk. Not when there was so much at stake.

That’s what brought you to this moment in time, where life seemed to stop.

You had just touched down in Hawkins, the glowing gate just above your head, Dustin with you in Eddie’s trailer, and Eddie still in the Upside Down, hands poised on the rope.

It was like slow motion. You watched helplessly as Eddie retreated and slashed the rope tying your dimension to his, and you could do nothing but hyperventilate as he turned and ran out of the trailer with nothing but a spiked shield and a handmade spear. The tears began to fall, a swell of emotion erupting - anger that Eddie took this responsibility upon himself and overwhelming distress over your inability to run after him.

Dustin’s voice cut through the cloud in your mind, shouting with all the gusto within him, but nothing stopped Eddie from running off to be the hero he claimed he couldn’t be.

“Dustin, we have to get back in there.” You spoke without really thinking, but thankfully your words matched your thoughts, which also matched Dustin’s. You turned to the younger boy with terror in your eyes which was mirrored right back in his.

Snapping out of your temporary paralysis, your eyes darted around for anything that might help you get back to the Upside Down and get back to Eddie. Just the thought of him alone was increasing your heart rate by the second.

An idea formed and together, you retrieved a nearby chair and launched yourself up and through the gate, falling quite ungracefully to the ground, flat onto your back. The air was knocked clean out of your lungs and you laid there for a few seconds to catch your breath, but you had to quickly roll to your side and press on. “Hold on, Dustin, I’ll get the mattress before you-“

A thump and a cry had you whipping yourself around to find Dustin clutching his leg, having fallen on it in his desperate attempt to make it through the gate without wasting any more time. You had to admire his bravery, but admonish his stupidity. Having gained your breath back, you went to the boy and helped him to his feet, his weight hanging onto you for balance. “I told you to wait, why don’t you ever listen.”

He looked at you with a crazed look in his eyes. “Eddie isn’t waiting and neither am I.” Dustin was determined and you couldn’t blame him. His well-being was the only reason you weren’t already outside and following Eddie’s trail.

There was no time to dwell on it anymore. “Come on then, we need to go.” You scooped up the shield that had been deposited at the base of the once-present rope, then retrieved the remaining two spears and handed one to the Henderson boy, a makeshift weapon and walking stick.

Together, you hobbled from the safety of the trailer, the eeriness of the Upside Down settling in. You could hear the flock of demobats in the distance and your heart rate increased tenfold.

The pair of you moved as fast as Dustin’s injury would allow, but your heart sank further into your stomach when your eyes caught sight of the whirlwind of wings beating wildly in between dives toward their focused target. Eddie.

“Eddie!!” Yours and Dustin’s voices, even combined, were not yet loud enough to reach the Munson boy who was fighting for his life - and for so many others’.

You were so focused on reaching Eddie that you never even registered the stream of wet falling down your face, soaking your cheeks and beginning to blur your sight.

“Eddie!!!!” You shouted, feeling Dustin’s arms propel you forward to leave him behind. A faint “Go!” was enough for you to keep going. You used the brief momentum to spur yourself into a desperate sprint across the open landscape. The pounding of your feet against pavement matched the thundering of your breath and heart.

But even before you could reach him, the unthinkable happened. Each and every bat simultaneously rained to the ground in a shower of tiny black bodies. You didn’t know what had caused it and quite frankly, you didn’t care. You had been given an opening and you didn’t intend on wasting it.

Bid my blood to run

Before I come undone

Without warning, the living terror ceased, the pinpricks of pain that had been tiny teeth morphed into dreadfully violent surges of pain coursing through the entirety of Eddie’s body. His head fell back against the cold, hard ground and his breathing became ragged, a distinct contrast from the panicked, desperate gasps for air from only moments ago.

The sky above him, dark and shadowy and nightmarish as ever, was clear of the vicious little beasts that had been feasting on his flesh for - well, he had no idea how long.

Out of the silence, Eddie could hear a rhythmic beat growing louder and louder, nearer and nearer. He groaned with the fear of what was coming next. Hadn’t he done enough?

Then he heard it. That voice. “Eddie!” He knew that voice. It was… angelic, it was sweet and he clung to the sound as a lifeline. “Eddie…” The voice began to fade.

Frozen inside without your touch

Without your love, darling

The motionless carcasses of the bats lay scattered over the pavement, with one larger form lying prone in the center. You made your way to him, legs carrying you with a force you couldn’t have conjured any other day.

When you neared him, you barely slowed yourself, falling desperately by his side, hands and knees colliding with the ground in the process.

With a sharp inhale, you took in the sight before you. All you saw was red. The blood pooling along Eddie’s torso, the deep gashes a gnarly reminder of what he had experienced just moments ago. The holes and puncture wounds peppered his body from head to toe. Seeing the scale of his injuries was alarming in the highest sense. This was not real, it couldn’t be real.

“Eddie…” it came out as a whisper, afraid that your words would only do further damage. You reached forward and brushed the blood-streaked strands of hair from his face, revealing an even more blood-streaked face in its wake. Your fingers glossed gently over his cheekbones, a welcomed comfort to combat the raging war of discomfort within him. “No, no, no. This- you’re going to be okay. This is going to be okay. You’re going to-“

“Y/n,” Eddie’s lips parted and the sweetest sound you had ever heard squeaked out, “it’s you.” Like he was surprised to see you. Like he didn’t expect you to fight your way to him tooth and nail.

“It’s me. I’m here. You’re going to be okay, we just need to-“ you waved your hands confusedly over his body, unsure of what to do or how to help him. He was bleeding, badly, and you were useless. “Dustin!” You called behind you, “We need help, we need- we need help.” Tears streamed steadily at this point, dripping down your chin and splashing onto your knees bent beneath you.

Eddie, head turning to look at you, forced a smile, his teeth glimmering red and sending another tendril of fear through you. “Did we do it? Did we-“ he coughed and you shuddered, “-did we win?”

You took his hand in yours and rubbed your thumb over his skin soothingly. You nodded. “You did great, Eds. You- you’re a goddamn idiot. But you did great.” You swiped the back of your hand over your face to clear away the droplets. “Now we just have to get you out of here and fixed up, okay? You’re going to be fine. Just fine.” If you spoke it into existence enough, maybe it would be true. He didn’t look fine. He was struggling for air, his torso was leaking fluids faster than the nearly-broken spigot outside your house.

Eddie merely nodded along, choosing to believe that maybe you were right. Maybe it wasn’t as grim as it felt. And oh, he felt dim and delirious.

As your mind raced with any possibility of aid, you reached up and untied the bandana from your head, then the one that had been tied around your neck. You recognized the one as a gift from Eddie last year for your birthday. He was the first one to remember and celebrate with you. And now here was that gift, in your bloody hands as you thrust it down to cover the deepest of the bite marks, pressing down firmly to stop the bleeding. It wasn’t working, and the bandana was already soaking through. Hysteria was taking over and you held the cloth to the wound anyway. You noticed the slightest slowing in the pouring of blood and prayed that it would be enough to let him hold on a little longer.

With the pressure applied and the utter agony brushing over Eddie’s face, you hated what you were doing to him. He sucked in labored breaths, his lungs working overtime and the combination of lack of air and stabs of pain resulting in the worst kind of torment.

Pulled from your wallowing, you barely registered the nearby thump of Dustin appearing on the other side of Eddie, on his knees, tears tickling his cheeks.

Eddie turned his attention to the boy beside him, his eyes lighting up at the sight of his young friend. He pushed the pain away for just a moment. “Henderson.” He breathed out. “I didn’t run away this time, right?” His voice was shaky and weak. He was fading fast.

You choked back another sob as Dustin nodded and moved to prop Eddie’s head up higher on his legs. “No, no, you didn’t run.” Dustin eked out, barely trusting his voice to remain strong. Your heart splintered ever more at the broken boy before you and the broken body of the boy you cared so deeply about.

“I think- I think it’s finally my year, Henderson.” He bookended his attempt at levity with a guttural cough, the blood at his mouth gurgling once more.

Then he turned his head slowly back to you. You wanted to tear your eyes away from the sight, but even now, you couldn’t believe how utterly breathtaking Eddie was. Even in his worst moments, he managed to shine brightly and fill your life with meaning.

Your hands still clutched his desperately, fingers threaded between his. He reveled in the sunshine of your touch, banishing the chill that rippled over him. You hated seeing him in this condition, there had to be something you could do.

An idea sparked. Not without hesitation, you dropped Eddie’s hands gently to his side and leaned back. You shrugged off the jacket you wore. Tossing it flat along the ground beside you. You crawled your way to where you had deposited your spear and began tying the sleeves of your jacket desperately to the shaft. “Dustin, your jacket!” You begged him to oblige and he did, quickly unloading his layers until he found one suited for the job. You took a hold of the second spear Dustin had used and quickly, with fingers flying and your mind running a mile a minute, you tied the jackets tightly together, forming the most shoddy form of stretcher you had ever seen.

You rushed back and dropped to Eddie’s side once more, resuming your ownership over his hands, rubbing warmth back into them. His face was slowly draining of color and a new wave of fear washed over you. You were losing him.

“We have to move you, Eddie, we can’t stay here. We have to get you help.” You begged him to understand, to hold on tight to your words. Help. He nodded, but the movement was so small it scared you even more. He opened his mouth and what he said nearly broke you into pieces.

“Don’t let me die here.”

You shook your head, the dam breaking and a fresh round of tears building behind your eyes that you couldn’t wipe away without releasing your hold on him - which right now you couldn’t and wouldn’t do. “No, no, you’re not allowed to do that to me. We have- we have so many things left to do together, Eds.” You sniffled and continued, “I- I can’t do this without you. I won’t do this without you,” you gritted through your teeth, urgency leaking through your confession.

“Dustin, help me, please.” In one final desperate attempt at saving the boy on the brink of death, you grabbed sloppily at the makeshift stretcher and laid it out beside Eddie’s prone form. “We have to move him or he’ll never make it.” You instructed Dustin to lift Eddie beneath his shoulders, keeping his body prostrate to reduce jolting him. You wormed your arms beneath his knees to do the same, and together you and Dustin lifted him three inches from the ground before sliding over and carefully laying him on the hastily-prepared stretcher.

Now that I know what I'm without, you can't just leave me.

Even with the best of their intentions, the pain was growing to be too much for Eddie. He began drifting in and out of consciousness. He only caught fragments of the words you shouted back and forth with Dustin.

“Eddie! Eddie, please. Please!” You begged and pleaded, your voice growing hoarse from the crying and shouting. Your volume raised with each desperate plea. You rocked back and forth absentmindedly, nothing but terror and utter dismay clouding your mind.

“Eddie,” you heard Dustin mumble, “Eddie, no.” From the corner of your eye you caught the glimmer of teardrops as they fell from Dustin’s dirt-stained cheeks.

With blurred vision, you fought to control yourself, holding yourself together for both boys and refusing to be swamped in sadness.

Call my name and save me from the dark

“Eddie, can you hear me? Please.”

“I need you, Eddie. I need you.”

“Wake up, Eddie, please. Please wake up.”

“Eddie.”

“Eddie-“

Before I come undone

Save me from the nothing I've become

Eddie’s lashes twitched and, agonizingly slowly, one eye opened, followed by the other. But he squeezed them shut again with alarming speed.

A faint ticking and a rhythmic beeping tore at his exhaustion-riddled brain. He blinked away the blinding light threatening to overwhelm him, his lashes offering the softest veil between his sight and whatever lay on the other side. White. Bright. Y/n.

“Oh my god. OH- oh my god.” Your grip tightened further, you brought the pile of entwined fingers to your lips and held them there, partially shielding your face as you braced for the impending barrage of emotion. “Eddie, can you hear me? Eddie, oh my god, Eddie.” A smile tugged at your mouth, but you wouldn’t let it break until you knew for sure.

Once again, the whites of his eyes appeared from behind his lids and it took everything in you not to fall apart right then and there. You cried silently, the tears slipping down your face and wetting the tangle of fingers at your lips.

“Y/n.” It was the softest and sweetest sound to ever grace your ears. You wanted to hear it again. “Y/n.” It was almost mumbled, as if unsure that what Eddie was seeing was really you. But with the illumination of the bright lights, Eddie’s barely-there mind jumped to the worst conclusion. He had died, and if you were here, then that meant-

His breathing rapidly picked up and his eyes widened, dazed and oh-so-panicked. “Shh, it’s okay, Eddie. I’m here. You’re okay.” You attempted to soothe his fears and settle him down. You brought one hand up to brush his hair aside, your palm resting over the tender skin of his cheek. Your thumb brushed away a tear that you were sure Eddie had no idea had appeared. “Everything’s going to be okay now. You’re okay.” Saying it made it all the more real. He really was going to be okay.

At your words, Eddie let himself calm down, breathing steadily with your prompting.

“You’re safe now. In Hawkins. Or I guess, right outside of it.” Your eyes never left his, afraid that if you looked away they would close again and never open again. “Dustin and I- we carried you all the way back. Agent Stinson found us in the trailer park and brought us here. You’re safe. No one will find us here. I promise.” You gave his hand a squeeze, the warmth of blood flowing through his veins such a relief to you.

“I’m alive?”

“Yes,” a laugh burst from your mouth unexpectedly, “yes you’re alive. You’re a goddamn idiot, Munson. But you’re alive.”

“And everyone else?” He swallowed and the pain was etched into his face. He braced for bad news.

You paused, debating what to tell him. The truth, though not all of it, not just yet.

Only you are the life among the dead

“Everyone is alive, Eddie. Because of you. It’s all because of you.” Pride swelled within you at the sacrifice he had been prepared to make.

You heard the whoosh of air rush from his mouth as the sweetest relief washed over him. “I almost lost you.” You closed your eyes and whispered against your hands which still refused to let his go. “Don’t you ever do that to me again, Eddie. Do you hear me?” You opened your eyes and they met his with a fiery gaze, communicating all the pain and heartbreak you had been through in the last 24 hours of watching and waiting helplessly while he was treated and hopefully recovered.

All Eddie could do was nod, realizing the shit he had put you through. It ate him alive - much like the bats - and he hated what he had done to you. He did what he had to do, but at what cost?

At the very obvious distress this had caused to him, you quickly regretted the harshness of your words. You were feeling every single emotion crashing into you at once. So you leaned forward over the bed and pressed your lips to Eddie’s forehead, lingering there for a second before pulling back. “You are my hero, Eddie Munson.”

“And you’re mine.”

*

Given the clearance from the nurse assigned to Eddie in the tiny two-room hideout, two days after their trip to the Upside Down, you eagerly awaited the arrival of the one person you knew needed to be here. Eddie was propped up in bed, a plethora of pillows providing a cushion for him. His injuries had only begun to heal, and the agonizing pain reared its ugly head in between doses of medicine. But otherwise, he was happy to be alive and was relishing in the time spent recovering with you watching over him.

Over the last 24 hours, you worked diligently at cleaning Eddie up from the layers and layers of dirt and grime and blood that had built up during their time in the Upside Down. Throughout the process, you learned quickly that Eddie Munson’s goofiness was impossible to lose, making your attempts at caring for him… somewhat interesting.

You wiped a gentle cloth over his face to remove the last traces of dried blood, but Eddie made faces at you each time you swept the cloth over his eyes. You picked chunks of demobat and dirt out of his madly tangled hair and attempted to tame the beast without pulling on his head too much. But of course, when you would pull your hands away from his head, Eddie would snatch them and link his fingers with yours. He wouldn’t let you move away, but would, after a minute or two, place your hand back on his head and insist that you keep going because “it was a nice massage.” His clothes had been ravaged, so he wore a most flattering hospital gown, not by choice. But Eddie made the best of it by pretending to curtsy, whilst laying in bed, every time you did something for him.

He was a piece of work, but every single moment with him reminded you that it was a miracle he was alive. You couldn’t waste even a second of the precious gift of time that was given back to you.

Snapping you from your daydreaming, you heard the car door slam outside and the hurried pattering of feet up the front steps. There was no knock at the door before it burst open to reveal your visitor.

“EDDIE!” Dustin cried, a smile unrivaled spread wide across his face. His hands were raised in the air in victory. His eyes were already glistening and the scene touched your heart. You stepped back to allow room for Dustin to approach the bed. First, he leaned down and threw his arms over Eddie’s body in his best attempt at a hug. Then he took over the seat beside his friend and stared. Just stared. Taking in the simple fact that he was awake and breathing.

“What are you lookin at, Henderson? Did I get more handsome, or what?” Eddie teased, his grin crinkling his eyes in fondness.

“Is this guy for real?” Dustin looked between you and Eddie incredulously. “You do realize you almost died, right?”

“Key word: almost.” Eddie winked at you, knowing you had been making the same arguments as Dustin for the last 24 hours since he had woken up.

You crossed your arms over your chest and chuckled. “He’s been making a remarkable recovery, all things considered. Maybe too remarkable since he clearly got his sarcasm back.” You started walking across the room toward the door. “I’ll give you two some space. Don’t get him too riled up, Dust. Despite his claims, he is not, nor will he be in the near future, ‘ready for round two’.”

“You didn’t lose me that night, but I guess you lost your sense of humor, sweetheart” You turned back around to face the boy who had no right to tease you, and yet he had every right at the same time. Hearing him call you ‘sweetheart’ sent your heart aflutter. You hadn’t yet addressed those feelings that hung over you both, but in a way, the events of the past few days, the past week, have proven a truth far more profound than words could express. “Oh, the nurse didn’t tell you? I donated my sense of humor to you while you were unconscious. You can thank me later.” A smug grin crossed your face and stretched wider at the way Eddie looked back at you with admiration.

As you turned to close the door behind you, letting the two best friends have some time to catch up, you heard Eddie’s voice faintly follow you out. “Later, I like having one of those.”

*****

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