#ssprompt

 ________________________________________

You tell yourself that you don't believe in Kami anymore, because Kami wouldn't put you through such torture.

It's the devil and he's laughing in your face about how you've been such a fool to think that you could've actually been happy, actually made him happy...

You don't want to think about him.

You don't want to picture his stony eyes or his shithead smirk or quiet attentiveness. You don't want to think about it because you know you won't have him for much longer.

Once he knows...

He won't want you anymore.

You sit in your darkened room lit by candlelight, and hug your knees to your chest, nails digging into the skin, but the pain feels good.

 __________________________________________

It's morning when you wake with a swollen face and sore eyes. Your cheeks are sticky from the caked on salt left behind, and when you sit up from your couch, a rush of blood makes you dizzy.

The saliva is thick in your throat, and you find it hard to swallow.

The coffee table at your knees has a cup of tea you don't remember placing there, and confused, you look around.

A noise from the kitchen alerts you and you pad your way over to the entrance.

"Good morning." the voice deadpans.

"Why are you here?" you croak, voice raspy from crying.

"I think the better question is, why do you look like that?"

Sasuke's never been one for subtly, and glancing in the reflection of the tea kettle, her face reddens at the state he's seeing her in.

You don't answer him, but he doesn't pry because he knows you don't when he's feeling upset. Instead, he places a plate on the kitchen table. "Here."

You sit down mindlessly, and your mouth waters. You almost forget everything in this instance because it seems so damned normal to be this way.

He doesn't look at you expectantly, waiting for you to eat. He just sits down (after bringing your tea in from the living room) and starts eating on his own.

For once in your life, you're thankful for Sasuke's silence.

Half way through your meal though, you feel nauseous.

How can I pretend everything's okay like this? I have to tell him..have to...but then I'll lose him.

"Sasuke..." you murmur, eyes in your lap where your nails are bloodied and dirty from digging into your knees the previous night.

"Hm?"

"I can't...I can't do this anymore."

He stops chewing then, looking at you strangely. You can't quite determine the look on his face, but it's so intense that it prompts you to continue.

"I'm no good for you."

This prompts a reaction.

"What are you talking about?"

You think he might be starting to get angry, then. This isn't something he would've ever forseen, and he's angry about that. It's not something he calculated.

But then again, neither did you.

"Sakura, answer me."

"I'm just no good, okay? You should go find yourself someone better."

He gives a hard stare. "I don't want anyone else."

You start to stand, feeling the eggs in your stomach churning. You feel queasy, and you hold onto the chair for support.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke. I just can't do this. Not when-"

"When what?"

"When-"

"Sakura?"

"...Sakura?!"

You fall.

 ______________________________________

You hear a steady beep, beep and soft voices mumbling in the background. You try to focus in on them, anchor yourself to some sort of reality because you're swimming in darkness and you can't even see your own hands or body and you don't know what happened-

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"We only just found out today. I didn't think the effects would intensify so quickly."

"Is she going to be okay?"

"We aren't sure. We're trying, Sasuke, but there's only so much we can do."

"Fuck that. You will save her."

"Asflgk dfkg gh..."

"lgdkf."

"......"

_______________________________________ 

You don't know how much time has passed, but you do know two things: you're in a coma, and they don't know how to wake you up.

It's strange because you never thought a coma would be like this. You never thought you'd be able to hear and feel everything around you so explicitly. But you can. You do.

You know that Naruto and Hinata have visited a few times, as well as Ino and the others.

You know that he doesn't leave your bedside.

The thought would make you smile if you knew how to anymore, but instead you settle for the warmth his hand brings when he holds yours.

They think it happened on your last solo mission. You'd gotten poisoned, but you managed to take it out. So you thought. There must've been some lingering, slow, long-term effects that you hadn't been able to detect.

You feel shame wash over your body because if you can't even protect yourself, what kind of damned medic are you?

Then again, Tsunade didn't detect anything during your post-mission checkup either.

Just what kind of poison was this?

That day, you remember being in Tsunade's office. You remember her telling you that you were unable to have children. You didn't know why, but when you hear her voice now talking to Sasuke, it's starting to make sense.

"The poison is attacking her organs. There's no predicting where it will go next because it seems to be jumping around. It started with her cervix, we think. Then it moved to her kidneys but we managed to save one of them."

You feel Sasuke squeezing your hand a little too tightly, but since you don't feel anything else right now, you don't mind this much.

"Why can't you just extract the poison?"

"We can't detect it. Even now. Even as it's eating away at her insides there's no trace of poison left."

"But we can't just let it destroy everything in her until there's nothing left!"

"I don't intend to let that happen."

 _______________________________________

On March 28th you find out you've been in a coma for two weeks now. You know this because they have a little party in your hospital room for your birthday. Twenty one. Ino tells you that when you're out of this coma, you better buy her a drink, but her voice wavers a bit at the end. Naruto kisses your forehead and promises he will make sure Tsunade finds a cure if she ever wants to see the day of tomorrow, and Sasuke says nothing.

Not until everyone else is gone, at least.

"I think I know why you said what you did on that day." he begins slowly.

His thumb is stroking yours a little too quickly to be comforting. "But Sakura, I don't care about that. I don't care if we can't have kids. I don't. I just...want you back damnit. I can't lose you too. Not when...not when things were going so well..."

Sasuke's confession makes your heart ache and clench because you want so badly to squeeze his hand back in comfort, so badly to stroke his hair and tell him it'll be okay, but you don't even know yourself if it'll be okay when -

Your body stretches and squeezes and you feel little pinpricks attacking you and you open your mouth, struggling to breathe. You feel the air refusing to enter your lungs, and someone yells, "Tsunade!"

"Sakura please, stay with me. You can't leave me. I need you!"

"Sakura."

And suddenly there are hands all over you, the room is hot.

You hear the beep beep fading into a harsh, piercing flatline and you know what this means.

You still can't breathe. Gasping, gaping, gripping, dying.

 No, no no no.

...

I can't.

...

I can't die-

...

Not when we still had so much left. So much to do.

...

I can't-

...

breathe-

...

...

Sasu..

...

ke.

...

...

Don't leave me!

...

...

I love you!

...

...

Sakura!

-

...

...

...

 __________________________________________

Sakura.

...

Who is it?

...

Sakura?

...

Sasuke?

...

...

"Sakura...? Can you hear me?"

"...who...is...it?"

You hear a soft exhale of breath.

"Sakura, you are in Konoha hospital right now. I want you to try and move your fingers for me. Can you do that?"

You take a deep breath, thankful for the privilege, and smile softly when you discover that you can move your fingers successfully.

"Okay, good. Now, try to open your eyes. Do it slowly."

The blinding white light prevents you from being able to see anything. Instinct tells you to close your eyes again but you never want to go back to that dark place again.

"Good."

"Tsunade?"

"I'm right here Sakura."

"Where's Sasuke?"

"Just sit up Sakura, we have a lot to talk about."

"Where's Sasuke?" you repeat sternly.

Your eyes focus in a bit, and you can see Tsunade giving a small frown.

"Sakura-"

"Where is he?!"

"Perhaps you should sit up and take a drink of water. I'll tell you everything."

You comply, feeling that sense of dread washing over you, wondering, waiting, hoping, failing, choking.

"Sasuke was there when you started to choke. He called in for me. We had a limited amount of time, you see. They were attacking your lungs and we didn't have many options-"

"Who's they?"

"The bugs in your body. They were injected into you with the poison. They're microscopic, and not poison themselves, but in fact robots programmed to target you. It's an extremely advanced technology..."

"How did you get them out of me?"

"We used magnets to pull them out of your body. But the damage was already done. We needed to repair the holes in your lungs. We put chakra protective seals on them initially, but we needed tissue from real lungs in order to seal the gaps permanently."

Your eyes widen in realization.

"Sasuke was all too eager to be the candidate for that. Like I said, we didn't have time to be picky, and he was the only one here..."

"Is he okay?!"

"Calm down, Sakura. He wouldn't let us even consider any other candidates."

Your eyes water. Sasuke...

"He was very aware of the potential risks."

"But is he okay?"

Tsunade gives a hard stare.

"Sasuke died on the operating table."

"No!"

"I did the best I could Sakura, but my main priority was getting your lungs to function properly again."

"No, no no, you're lying!"

Sasuke.

Sasuke.

"Sasuke?! Sasuke where are you?"

"Sakura, you have to calm down. You can't be aggravated in this condition. It could-"

"Sa-uke...Sasu....!" your voice chokes and breaks off from lack of use, and you realize you're strapped down to the bed. You thrash about.

"No, no!"

"Sakura, calm down or I'll have to tranquilize you!"

"I don't care! Bring me Sasuke! Bring him to me!"

"Sakura- please-"

"No, no, no no!!

"..."

"..."

Sasu...

ke.

 ___________________________________________

It's been a week since your surgery. So far you've made a complete recovery. The damage to your cervix and kidney will never be repaired, and your lungs will never be as good as they once were, but you'll live.

Sasuke Uchiha died on the operating table after he donated his lungs to ensure your survival.

The damned idiot didn't even leave a goddamn note.

They tell you it gets better with time, but they know they're just rehearsing a script that holds no truth or meaning.

Sasuke was your everything. You were finally going to get a chance at happiness. Finally going to be okay.

You visit Tsunade periodically to be checked up. She wants to make sure there's nothing suspicious.

When you're laying on the table, numb and cold, Tsunade freezes.

"What is it?" you ask.

"Unbelievable."

"What?"

Tsunade meets your gaze, and for the first time in a week gives a soft smile.