#ssamgray

gray: why not 24/7?

simon d: breaks for kisses

gray: but we can kiss when we cuddle

simon d: don't spoil the romance of my words

me: omg ssamgay ar-

somebody: you missed ‘r’ in ‘ssamgray’

His slender fingers twirled his pen around, eyes roaming around the room for inspiration. Yet he never found a glint of hope that could spark his inner creativity. Kiseok exhaled heavily. I’m ruined. Shaking his head in despair, he rose up from his chair and turned around to make his way out of the dim studio. In a glimpse he managed to catch the numbers flashed from the surface of a digital clock placed on the corner of his piano board.

02:01

Not that late. Kiseok stopped before the door for a moment, thinking of something interesting to be done tonight before shoving his hand into his left pocket, dialling someone’s number. Please don’t be asleep yet..

“Yoboseyo.”

“Junkyung-ah~”

“Mwooo~” He chuckled hearing Dok2’s mindless groan.

“Mind driving me somewhere?”

“Just keep your dick inside your pants and we’ll be fine.”

“Yah. I’m not into these kind of stuffs lately.”

“Coming. Wait in front of your office.”

“That’s my homie. Saranghae.”

“Shut it.” He laughed as soon as Dok2 hung up on him. Kiseok paddled around the building, collecting his stuffs before Dok2’s white Porsche showed up.

..

Sunghwa was boiling his lovely -as what he exclaimed wholeheartedly to his beloved guests everytime they dropped by his apartment- hot chocolate, a way he loved to chill after a long day. He just came back from his parents’ house after receiving the heartbreaking news of his poodle, Lunchbox’s death. He had not told any of his crews about his poodle yet, and was not planning to since he was trying to push any work-unrelated thoughts off his mind. But his poodle.. Lunchbox was one loyal friend, the one he always cuddled with - alongside Kiseok - everytime he came back home to his parents’ place. Losing Lunchbox was like losing his strength. Subsequently tonight he felt like off from the weather, not in his best state both physically and mentally. He’s exhausted. Sunghwa climbed onto the counter, waiting for his hot chocolate to set when the doorbell repeatedly rang.

Furrowing his eyebrows, Sunghwa paddled to the main door, curious of the person outside who might be drunk and dropped by his apartment by mistake. As the ringing did not stop before he reached the door handle, he groaned. Aish this impatient-

“Sunghwa-yaaa~”

Sunghwa paused. This impatient hyung. He made a poker face before swinging the door open, revealing a rather exhausted and cold Kiseok outside, plastic bags of hot, smokey (?) sweet potatoes hanging onto both his hands before he mindlessly cracked his cute smile, failing to maintain his emotionless and annoyed expression. Somewhat Kiseok’s presence even this late could spark some kind of warmth and excitement, especially with Sunghwa’s current state. He really needed someone to cuddle with and Kiseok would always be there, like this time. Perfect timing.

“Ha! I know you would still be up and awake. Anticipating me much, huh?” Kiseok smirked, bringing the younger to roll his eyes.

“Says the one who wants to bribe me by buying sweet potatoes.”

“But I know you would crave these.”

Sunghwa narrowed his eyes before eyeing the bags. “Honey?”

“Yes.”

Kiseok’s smirk grew wider as Sunghwa exhaled. This baby cannot resist his sweet potatoes. A rather cold, rainy night could count as another factor.

“Can I go in? It’s cold.” And Kiseok just barged in without waiting for the younger’s reply. The aromatic scent of hot chocolate spreaded around Sunghwa’s apartment, making Kiseok comfortable. He put the bags on the counter the moment Sunghwa came into the kitchen after locking his door. The younger turned off the gas and reached for two mugs.

Kiseok’s sudden backhug caught Sunghwa in surprise. He knew Kiseok did that in a joking way, but he really needed those warmth from his embrace. “Aigoo my dongsaeng. Get me some hot chocolate too and join me in front, okay?”

Kiseok was about to pull off from the backhug before Sunghwa turned around and sneaked his hands to Kiseok’s waist, face buried onto the crook of the older’s neck. He was really tired, he did not know why. His body was like trying to give in. He had not been sleeping for days since he got the news a few days before about how inactive Lunchbox had became, about how Lunchbox lost its appetite, lost its voice to bark and how it was sent to a nearby vet in a critical state - due to septic shock. But he could not make it in time, his work refrained him from doing so. And despite both his parents’ reassurance about Lunchbox’s state would somehow be better after the treatment, he was taken aback to receive such a heartbreaking news. Abandoning his workload, he drove back before dusk to his hometown to meet his parents and Lunchbox without any notice prior to his absence at the studio for his colleagues’ concern. And now he just cannot focus to do music, he needed to rest, he needed strength but he could not find one in his own self. Leaning onto Kiseok somehow drove his mind to find peace amidst his pieces of broken heart.

Kiseok stayed silent, letting the younger settle down in his embrace without any idea of what was running in Sunghwa’s mind. But it was very obvious to him that Sunghwa was concerned about something, and that he was sleep deprived. The younger was not one to tell his problems openly even to the ones he was close with. So that brought Kiseok to a conclusion that this thought bothering Sunghwa was not something inconsequential.

“Hyung.” Sunghwa cracked. And Kiseok’s ears were fast enough to detect that the younger was close enough to cry. He automatically brought his right hand to stroke Sunghwa’s head.

“Hmm?”

“Lunchbox’s dead.”

Kiseok had to force his mind to connect the scattered informations about this creature named Lunchbox. Lunchbox - Sunghwa’s poodle - dead.

“Hyung..?” Sunghwa mumbled before lifting his face from Kiseok’s neck -Kiseok’s silence scared him if he had somewhat ruined the moment, and their eyes made a meaningful contact. Sunghwa wanted a hug, Kiseok wanted to figure out what happened. Sunghwa’s watery eyes stared through Kiseok’s gaze, things had finally made sense to the older.

And that caught him. Kiseok slowly changed their position, left hand wrapped around Sunghwa’s petite frame as he led the younger to the front couch. He gently leaned out from the boy and told him to sit, before he stood back up. Sunghwa’s gaze followed his hyung’s fast pace.

“Give me a minute.” With that, Kiseok’s silhouette disappeared through Sunghwa’s bedroom door.

The broken boy exhaled before bringing his knees to his chin, hugging his legs. Somehow he felt sorry to Kiseok who probably wanted to chill at his place after work, but he just could not bear the burden anymore. He could not stay longer at his parents’ house, his colleagues would suspect something and he just did not want to burden them with that. They were currently busy preparing for their concert and he thought that he needed to put things like these aside. He closed his eyes, thoughts wavering around his moments with Lunchbox, wrenching his heart even more.

Meanwhile Kiseok swiftly reached for the comforter he and Sunghwa always cuddled with, and walked out. He set his eyes to the back of Sunghwa’s head. That boy is a mess, but he still kept his grief alone? Now that made sense to why Sunghwa had been losing his focus and magical touch recently. Everyone noticed Sunghwa’s behavourial change but no one dared to ask, and they knew he would not open up and washed all emotions off his face just to solely focus on work. But that boy also had his limits, especially when it involved his loved ones, he just could not bear it alone. He needed comfort.

Kiseok slowly stepped nearer to the grieving boy, his presence went unnoticed as he placed the comforter on the armrest. Sunghwa was still in his deep thoughts as he paddled back to the kitchen, pouring the hot chocolate the younger made earlier into two mugs. He then reached for a large bowl to fit in all sweet potatoes and set the bowl with the mugs onto a tray, bringing it to the couch where Sunghwa was.

The moment he set the tray onto the table, Sunghwa’s face was buried onto his knees, making him look like a cute ball especially with his pajamas on. That somehow brought a warm smile to Kiseok’s face, and he spreaded the comforter to put it around Sunghwa’s shoulder.

The sudden warmth caught Sunghwa by surprise and he jolted his head upwards, only to look at Kiseok’s arm wrapped around his shoulder, with the cozy comforter as the outer layer wrapped around both of them. Kiseok’s right hand held a mug of hot chocolate as he took a sip out of it. Sunghwa lowered his body a bit to be on par with Kiseok’s shoulder, and he sneaked his arms around Kiseok’s waist once again, but this time from the side, and buried his face to Kiseok’s collarbone, hands tangled around Kiseok’s right side. He exhaled. He wanted this kind of warmth most when he was in despair like this.

The older licked his lips, his right hand setting down the mug after drinking half of the content before he positioned himself to be more comfortable for both of them. His left arm pat Sunghwa’s back lightly as the younger seemed to settle down more in his embrace. They stayed silent for a while, with Sunghwa trying so hard to hold back his tears. Kiseok’s hand was not helping as it stimulated his tears to drop out, his soft strokes and pats finally led a soft sob to escape from Sunghwa’s lips.

He could feel Kiseok turning his body to face him, and Sunghwa buried his face deeper, refusing to look at the older. He was low key a messy crybaby right now but he just could not hold his tears back anymore. He knew Kiseok understood but he just could not get used to someone being there during his weakest state. Mindlessly, he just let all his tears out the moment he felt Kiseok’s warm right hand stroking the back of his head. The warmth from the hot chocolate mug was still lingering there on Kiseok’s hand and that somehow made him leaned onto Kiseok’s touch more.

“Hey, don’t hold it back.” Kiseok muttered onto the younger’s hair as he knew Sunghwa was fighting back his tears. He rested his chin onto Sunghwa’s head, continuously mumbling words of comfort and slowly rocking their upper bodies back and forth in attempt to console the younger. He tried to recap Sunghwa’s moments during hard times and downsides in his life, and this might be the worst he had ever seen. The decision Sunghwa made to spill the beans about Lunchbox to him somehow made him happy and relieved, and he wanted to let Sunghwa know he made the right choice of letting the burden off his shoulders.

They stayed like that for a moment, Sunghwa had finally calmed down, occasional sobs and sniffs escaped as Kiseok finally stopped stroking his hair. Sunghwa took that as a sign and he lifted his head off Kiseok’s chest, still not daring to show his puffy eyes and face after like hours of crying. He untangled his hands and pulled them off of Kiseok’s waist and mumbled nearly inaudible apologies, he literally drenched Kiseok’s shirt with tears.

Kiseok smiled slightly as he pulled the younger closer, pecking his forehead. “Let me change first. Eat some potatoes, they are cooled down by now.”

With that, the older stood up and walked to Sunghwa’s bedroom for new clothes and sweater, leaving the younger alone. Sunghwa brought his left hand to stroke his face, and abruptly stood up to wash his face in the kitchen. To be truthful with himself, he never cried as much as this time, not remembering the last time he let his guard down like this and showed someone his weakest state dwelled in grief and despair. And as a workaholic as he was, it would be odd if he admitted that he really needed a break. Kiseok really knew him, somehow more than he knew himself. Kiseok never forced him to tell him anything if there was something bothering his mind, and he was very comfortable with that before. Due to that, he solely believed that he had made the right choice of letting his guard down in front of his beloved hyung this time. This kind of break from work was the one he needed the most.

He then sat down onto the couch where Kiseok was already there, with new sweater on. Sunghwa bit his lower lip and lowered his gaze, uncertain of what to say after he broke down like that in front of the now- staring-intensely-to-check-out-his-current-emotions Kiseok. The older reached for his restless fidgeting fingers, his thumb stroking the outer palm of Sunghwa’s right hand while his other hand gently held the younger’s chin, tilting it upwards to make contact with his eyes.

“You okay now?”

He nodded.

“Do you want a hug?”

He nodded again. Kiseok smiled before gently pulling the younger into a loose embrace. Sunghwa then settled down in Kiseok’s arm into a position where he could cuddle easier with the older. And he just planted his face onto Kiseok’s crook of neck, lips broke into a soft smile as he heard Kiseok’s chuckle vibrating in his chest.

“Sunghwa-yah.” Kiseok hugged the latter from his side, as Sunghwa rested his head on Kiseok’s shoulder, eyes drooping.

“Hmm?”

“Go to sleep.”

“The potatoes?”

The older chuckled. “I’ve kept them in the fridge. You can heat them up later.”

Silence.

“Hyung.” Sunghwa called with his eyes closed.

“Hmm.”

“Sorry.”

Silence.

“And thanks.”

Silence again.

… Sunghwa forced his eyelids to open, revealing a staring Kiseok.

“What does this get me in return?”

“Aish this hyung.” Sunghwa smacked his chest in annoyance, a smile made its way to his face as he heard Kiseok’s hearty laugh. “What do you want?”

“Make me a beat.”

“Deal.”

“You know, I actually came here with a blank mind. Stuffed up in the studio. And wondered why calls I made to you led to voicemails..” He muttered, left hand stroking Sunghwa’s hair. The younger had positioned himself lying down on Kiseok’s lap, face upwards leaning onto Kiseok’s soft strokes.

“Those dorks were worried about you. Heck, I was worried as to why you disappear without telling us anything.. We were scared if something bad was happening to you.” Kiseok continuously ranted. “You should really let me crash into your place whenever I want. Like just now, see what happened when you let your hyung inside around half past 2AM? At least I helped you to calm down.”

Lacking sarcastic or fed up replies from the younger, he looked down to see a peaceful sleeping Sunghwa facing him. He shook his head in defeat. “You.. Next time don’t hold back. You know we are here for you.”