#ssamesea

i know my battles are small sometimes and i know i should be thankful that the ground beneath my feet is firm with conquered earth i am aware of my strengths and the way my body moves and i know my breaths bring me closer to the tops of these peaks you claim are just rodent pathways i can feel myself so small now and when you tell me i have nothing to be afraid of i will hold your gaze i will hold your hands where they are because those words will be a slap across my face i will tell you 'mountains are only mole-hills if you are not the ant climbing them'

it is too much to wait for a miracle so we make wishes on dead bodies like shooting stars find luck in the glass bottoms of closets and we make hope shine bright at the end of cigarettes our lives can be asphalt parking lots and cold metal truck beds hoping to get out of a town we suffocate in but if we drown ourselves in whiskey and cheap beer does it count? are miracles what we want when our arms are too tired to praise? we've seen too many meteors fall so many glasses break over blodied hands too many burns from an ember-hot cherry how long will we be digging graves for stars for falling bodies too bright to burn how are we supposed to continue until our ground is saturated with a false hope and a bleeding conscience when we look to the sky all we see are wishes blinking back voices we send into the night for fear they'll never be heard on this earth thursday night we sat on the hood of a car the moon was hanging high and the waves were stretching to find him you said, "they follow without question" i said, "they trust too much" all we know is the cold wind cutting us and the way the stars seem so small when they shine like christmas lights but make them fall make them reach the earth and stars are dangerous so we shovel holes to put them in so the bright hot remains of them can rest

i'll dream one day that all of this is real i'll remember this home inside me that i built strong and whole and alone i stood i'll dream one day that the memories are here and bits will return like ashes from the sky so many times we went up in flames these bodies scorched and broken i'll dream one day that your face will spark light in things i don't understand anymore i'll remember you and us and these roads we walked the sky is ashes now, blanketing the sun from me and i can only hope they will fall one day

today i feel like loving you yesterday the stars burned holes in my back deep enough to touch my ribs light me up from inside with little pinpricks of night sky when this skin stretched tight around me i did not scream until anciet suns dug in deep to threaten my body apart today i feel like loving you because these stars remind me of your eyes watching me walk away

sometimes in moonlight we rise like waves tidal and fierce and ugly so destructive we weave our way through the rocks shake this firefly laugh from your chest bright for a second and fade softly back to moonlight send me crashing fast and lonely against all of us we were never just saltwater and sand until sunlight comes we are oceans and boats and so dependent are we on this bright light above us that we forget our ground beneath our bones this moonlight grows no flowers here

if you hold your head high enough they can't see the circles under your eyes cradle my hips in the palms of your hands like the daggers you used to cut out my heart these lullabies don't work anymore i am tired remember the sunlight streaming in waking you up before i got the chance to truly recognise the beauty of your vulnerability when you weren't holding me down i was content to watch and not run because maybe i'm not alseep but your songs paralyzed my body while my mind ran wild reminding me of your energy what happened to holding on for a few nights more except maybe this night wasn't enough maybe this night was you and a bottle and my hips not small enough to fit inside your heart hold me now while i sleep and i can dream i'm out of this bed