#squant

At the community picnic I found a man. It was obvious to us both that what we wanted was to hold each other. It was agony not to touch and we drifted around each other like ice skaters, hands, arms, especially shoulders always aware of the others' position. I swear to you that we could blow a dance floor down, he and I, if ever we were set upon one together it would be like dance dance revolution baby.

The fact that he was gay is immaterial; neither of is were looking for sex or love the way that we all spend our time searching for sex or love. We've both found that and lost it, and we know how much more and less is this goofy feeling that came upon us in the land of women's studies graduates. What I wanted was not to have sex with him, or anyone else. What I wanted was to sit in a big chair and hold each other and allow time to flow around us for a little while.

I regret not asking him to come with me, though I have no idea where that would leave me now. Perhaps having some snuggles would have left me feeling less insulated, but it could have just as easily left me wanting love again. I am enjoying this hiatus from that desire. It makes me nervous to even contemplate choices that would lead out of this lovely quiet time.

Anyway, so I miss you, and you too, but don't take that as a declaration, because I am long out of those. I find myself wondering if either of you will ever stand in front of me again, but that's all I can give to the cause right now.