#squad3

“What’s going on in that big brain of yours” Severide asked, earning a laugh from you in response. He had one hand on the steering wheel, the other on his gear shift. He looked over at you, scanning your face as if the answer was hidden somewhere on your complexion. “Nothing, Kel. Promise. Just a long day” you shot him a smile, as you once again pretended that you weren’t riddled with anxiety.

Playing repeatedly in your head were the events that had occurred just a few hours prior. You were pacing outside the burning house, resisting the urge to run back in and mentally preparing yourself for the possibility of losing another member of firehouse 51 (and coincidentally, another best friend) in the line of duty. You were attempting to envision a life without Kelly, and you just couldn’t. You had already written him into the rest of your life, he just didn’t know it.  

First Hermann and Ritter ran out, then Cruz and Tony- with missing equipment. “Tony, where is your mask?!” the chief asked him in shock. Tony’s hands were on his knees as he attempted to cough out the soot in his lungs. “Kelly… he ran… out of air” he spat out in between. The chief clenched his jaw in anxiety, the expression of severe concerned plastered across his face. Seeing your chief unable to keep his cool always sent you into an internal spiral.

You whipped your entire body and started walking towards him. “Chief, please let me go in there, I don’t weigh as much, and I can help them” you walked towards him and begged; you felt useless. You would loathe yourself for the rest of eternity if you could’ve done something to save Kelly’s life and you didn’t. “I’m not risking another life, Y/L/N” Boden sternly said, with a hint of disappointment knowing there was nothing anyone could do but wait.

Before you were able to plead with him once again, an explosion had occurred, the sound and vibration echoing in your chest and bouncing off every wall inside of you. You wanted to scream in horror, knowing your best-friend’s last moments could very well be taking place in this burning house, but you were unable to produce any sound. Your eyes were locked on the front door in anticipation, and you could barely believe it when you saw Casey and Cruz emerge with him.

Running towards Kelly and engulfing him, you felt like you were dreaming; you thought he was dead. “Fuck, Kel. You scared me” you muttered into his shoulder, relief washing away your anxiety. Kelly had been in many dangerous situations before, but even he thought he wasn’t going to make it this time.

You snapped out of it once you heard his voice. “I can read you like a book. Why don’t you just talk to me?” Says him. “You… read books?” you put a hand up to your mouth for theatrics, asking him with exaggerated sarcasm which caused him to roll his eyes.

“Okay, keep joking around, Y/L/N” he chuckled to himself, knowing you weren’t going to crack anytime soon. He wishes you would just open up to him, but he knew it went both ways. “I think everyone’s going to Molly’s tonight, you want to go?” he asked you as he pulled into his parking spot. “I’ll see how I feel after we order some takeout” you winked, heading upstairs.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You and Kelly ordered some Chinese food, deciding to sit on the couch and watch the Bear’s game. Leaning your head on his shoulder, you attempted to slurp your noodles, which resulted in soy sauce splattering all over your face. He chuckled, and grabbed a napkin, dabbing the corners of your mouth. “You’re a mess, Y/L/N” he said, staring at you in admiration. “Hey, you knew what you were getting yourself into before we became roommates” you shrugged, watching him walk to the front door.

“I’m gonna head out to Molly’s, you comin’?” he said as he put on his leather jacket. If you were to be tempted with alcohol, the night would end with you in the back of an ambulance (and not ambulance 61). “Nah, I’ll pass. I’m tired” you spoke as honestly as you could get across. You did want to see your 51 family- they always cheered you up. But tonight, you knew you needed some self-care (if you count contemplating your entire existence as a self-care activity).

Kelly nodded his head, signalling that he understood. “Have a good night though, Kel. Be safe” you shot him a smile, and he saluted you on his way out. “Always, Y/N.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was 1:00am, and you were wondering what you did to deserve the tossing and turning you’ve been enduring for the past 2 hours. Perhaps all the melatonin had seeped out of your body being replaced by stress in the form of adrenaline. You kept replaying Kelly’s close call from that afternoon in your mind, a variation of ‘What If’s’ being overthought.

Kelly was your rock. You’d never admit that – especially not to him – but it was true. You were strong, independent, brave, and a plethora of other qualities that make up a badass female firefighter, but even resilient people need to be held sometimes.

By the time you had finally fallen asleep, your brain had decided to concoct a very vicious recall of events in the form of a vivid nightmare. Everything went exactly as it had in real life, except Kelly didn’t survive. He was pulled out by Casey and Cruz, and Capp, Tony, Hermann, and Ritter helped place him on a stretcher.

“Oh my… Kel??? Kelly. Wake up. Please, you have to wake up!” The chief was attempting to hold you back, but you broke out of his grasp in desperation. You vowed to stay right by his side as Brett and Foster went to work, but it was too late. And all you could do was let out an earth-shattering scream. “Kel… Kelly… WAKE UP!!!”

The sound of footsteps sounded into your room. “Hey, hey, Y/N. I’m right here. Hey, you’re okay” he cooed. You jostled awake and couldn’t distinguish reality from your nightmare- there was no way Kelly was right next to you, touching you, holding you; alive and well. “Wh- What? Kel?” You squinted and touched his arm, attempting to verify his liveliness. “It’s me, you had a bad dream. Everything’s okay” he assured.

Using the back of your hand to wipe off the layer of sweat that formed on your forehead, you looked down and realized you drenched the sheets with sweat.

You looked back at him, trying to convince yourself that he’s not just a figment of your imagination, but a real person. The second you saw his eyes glimmer in concern, you began to bawl, holding onto him with all your might. “I know… I know. Let it out. Everything’s okay. You’re safe.” Your head was nestled into his bare chest, and you knew you’d get tears and slobber all over him, but you figured you couldn’t embarrass yourself any more than you already have. His arm was around your shoulder, engulfing your entire body; no one’s ever held you with such fortitude.

After a 5-minute sob session, you reached over to grab a Kleenex from your bedside table. “I’m sorry I woke you up,” you sniffled, avoiding eye contact. The strong fort you put up had been knocked down by your own brain; you felt betrayed. “You don’t have to put on a façade, Y/N. Especially not around me. You don’t always have to be the strong one” he advised. “Kel- I’m” “That’s exactly what I’m talking about, Y/N. You’re not okay” he responded, grabbing your chin with his index finger so you’d look at him. “Let me help you” he nearly begged; he just wanted to see you happy.

Your lip began to quiver, and you felt tears reach the brim of your eyes once again as you quietly said, “I lost you, Kel. It felt so real.” You shuddered in horror, recalling what you just dreamt. He didn’t want to pry too much so he took what you said as a start. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” You nodded slowly, feeling like a helpless child.

The motion of him rubbing his large, calloused hands up and down your back restored your inner peace, and you felt the safest you had ever felt under his touch. Your eyelids grew heavy, a headache from your crying session already starting to develop. You began to drift off; with his arms around you, you felt like everything was okay, and that all that mattered was the present- you and Kelly together.

He wrapped his arms around you, keeping you in his hold and kissing the top of your head. He muttered an ‘I love you’, but little did he know you heard all 3 words; you were safe here.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Y'all... it's been too long. I'm truly sorry. School is killing me, and September was going well until I got into a car accident, and I've been playing catch up ever since. Just an extremely stressful time right now, so I'm very sorry- if you're waiting for me to write your request, I appreciate your patience! I really want this to be a fun thing for me rather than a chore, but with school, unfortunately I have 0 time for hobbies. But I am going to try. I hope this imagine was bearable- please comment any feedback/ what you thought! PS this is based on the episode where the chimney falls on Kelly in season 7.