#sqblog

My relationship with my parents has not been great. For most of my life, I hated them and was actively trying to get away. My life got better once I finally did. I ex-communicated them after they refused to accept me as their son (I am AFAB).

To illustrate how bad it got, I was in the US Navy and I tried to kill myself and was separated due to those actions. I got one phone call and I didn't call my parents. They had to figure out I was no longer in the Navy from someone else. How awful for them.

After only a few months of them finally leaving me the fuck alone (honestly probably due to the shock of the Navy thing), they started trying to have a relationship with me again, and the only reason we ended up reconnecting was because I gave up trying to fight them. Also they used the correct pronouns finally. Our relationship was pretty transactional from then on. They wanted a relationship and I needed money. I mostly forgave them (or at least accepted that they did the best with the knowledge they had at the time) and after a lot of therapy, I didn't hate them anymore. I don't know if I have ever loved them, but I reached a point where interacting with them didn't ruin my mood so there was a mostly peaceful co-existence.

By the time I finally got financial independence (which involved getting VA disability and buying my own house), I wasn't treating my parents like ATMs anymore but I wouldn't say my view of our relationship was anything more than platonic.

All of the relationship effort came from their end. They wanted to visit me, I never volunteered to visit them. They want to call me, I almost never call them, etc., etc. I'm a loner, the only reason I talk to anybody really is if they call me.

Anyway. I had a breakdown in 2018 which involved getting real with my mom about my mental health, something I'd never really done before. Ever since that day, my mom called me every friday and my dad called me every monday. I saw it as they were just making sure I was still alive and maybe it was partly that but I think they mostly just wanted a reason to talk to me more often.

They also started visiting me every year and we would do big house construction projects. My house would probably still be unlivable if it were not for their help.

It should also be stated that they live about 1000 miles away from me and they drove to visit. So visiting me, to work, involves considerable time (and energy) on their parts. And they did it every year.

They also volunteer a lot in their home state. So they are, genuinely, good people.

They are not racist. But they are christian, (mostly) white, and affluent (probably the lowest tier above "upper middle class" ), so basically insulated from most of the world's problems.

They both had troubled childhoods with families that were poor. They both worked their asses off to get what they have now. They both worked full-time for basically their entire lives, even while they had kids (me and my brother).

So, naturally, they are fiscally conservative.

They're both retired now. My mom is now basically a tradwife and she doesn't really think for herself, politically. She says sometimes she doesn't vote at all but when she does, she votes for whoever my dad tells her to vote for.

She was a nurse, but she's against universal healthcare. She believes abortion "shouldn't be used as birth control" so that makes her pro-life somehow. They believe being queer is fine as long as you don't "participate in the lifestyle" so they don't believe in gay marriage.

They love sinners such as myself, but they don't want to participate in a system that enables those sinners, essentially.

My dad's views boil down to fiscal conservatism only; he's basically a single-issue voter. He believes that the rich will always find a way out of paying taxes so we should give up on the whole thing. The middle class (him) always ends up paying so he needs to look out for himself now and he'll vote for whoever will lower taxes and whoever makes his stock market portfolio look good.

He doesn't understand why people get so heated about political topics. Why can't we just have a rational discussion? Why does everyone get so angry?

He didn't outright say it, but I think he believes that all of the identity politics (if it even goes into law) simply won't be enforced. So it shouldn't be such a high priority to think about.

My dad is constantly watching the news and trying to get "both sides" of the issues. He actually does watch both sides of the news, too. That being said, I don't think he's ever voted for a democrat in his lifetime? So I'm not sure what kind of things he's actually learning.

Either way, I would consider my dad "well informed" on politics.

They both voted early for trump this year. They've been voting for him since 2016.

With all this background in mind, it's hard to say I should disown my parents over politics.

It's been really hard to rationalize my relationship with my parents (and their relationship with trump) when I'm largely in far left echo chambers who loudly proclaim that anyone who supports trump is a racist, fascist, asshole, nazi, etc. When that's blatantly false, simply put.

But I also don't want to make some wide sweep about how they're uneducated morons who don't fully understand what they're voting for, or are victims of propaganda, because I don't think that's true either. At least not for my dad, anyway.

It is completely understandable why two people who got shitty hands and worked their lives to get out of those situations would be bitter that their incomes are going to people who did not work as hard.

It's not morally right, but it's understandable.

Earlier this year, as the red states were ramping up the efforts to make all the leftists move out, my dad asked me if I would visit them in their home state of georgia. (For reference, I live in a northeastern blue state.)

I said no, because in case he had forgotten, I am transgender. And I don't want to go where I am unwanted.

And he said "So what? Ignore them."

This was over a phone call. That pissed me off royally but I am not very verbally "with it" so I didn't response directly until later, via text.

Where I wrote:

(begin quote) Regarding the anti lgbt laws It doesn't matter if they're 'not that bad' or 'won't be enforced'

It doesn't matter that they may not arrest me because I don't look trans or have all my legal documents matching.

What matters is that red states have made it their mission to pass (or try to pass) laws and policies that actively hurt lgbt people, OF WHICH I AM ONE, making it clear they do not want those people in their state(s).

And it would be one thing if you guys did not actively vote for the party pushing those views (I still would be reluctant to visit but maybe I would anyway) but you don't. You vote republican. You are probably voting for trump. You actively disproved of my entire transition and you said you thought it was a mistake and my scars made you sick.

To this day I don't know if you actually think of me as your son or if you're just paying lip service to your kid's mental illness to avoid drama so I'd talk and have a relationship with you again. This goes for both you specifically and mom.

So no, I'm sorry, I never plan on visiting you in georgia. I never plan on going to georgia again for any reason (even the [anime] conventions) unless the political landscape totally changes.

I'm not going somewhere where "my kind" isn't wanted and I'm CERTAINLY not going there to visit parents that support (either directly or indirectly) the laws that actively hurt lgbt people, which, again, I need to remind you I AM AN LGBT PERSON WHO IS ACTIVELY BEING HURT BY THESE POLICIES and was and currently am being hurt by the culture these policies represent.

"So what? ignore them" is MASSIVELY IGNORANT and it pissed me the fuck off.

As a side note, this is the thing I was talking about with Florida [on the phone]. License can be revoked and you can be charged with fraud. Partway down the article it does say that if taken at face value it could also apply to tourists. https://www.newsweek.com/transgender-people-florida-face-drivers-licenses-revoked-1865187 And again Georgia is definitely nowhere near as bad as what desantis has been doing in florida but the public sentiment down there about trans people certainly seems the same to me right now

This is a blog but it's more clearly written. Where the news article mostly focuses on people attempting to newly change their license, this blog talks more about what it means for trans people in general who could be charged with "misrepresenting" their identity (by having a license that says their sex is not their birth sex -- this is me. I am a person who has M on their license and wasn't born male.) https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/florida-misrepresenting-gender-on

Same person also made a risk assessment map, which is useful if you want to read more context about what states have been doing in relation to anti-trans bills (I do not use this map to influence where I travel; I found it today to help illustrate the current state of affairs.) https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/erins-anti-trans-risk-map-early-legislative

This article is to ground my comments about public sentiment and the "political situation down there." Even if this is just one extremist saying this, it's not like the republican party is doing anything to separate themselves from this guy's opinions. It just adds fuel to the fire and the growing anti-trans public sentiment. The article does a pretty good job explaining how those comments have impacted society. https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/cpac-speaker-transgender-people-eradicated-1234690924/

You might be wondering why I have suddenly come out of nowhere about this stuff. The answer is because all of this crap only started happening in the last 2 years! Yeah there was some arguing about bathrooms and sports once in a blue moon years back, but nobody really cared that much. Then suddenly in 2023 there were 589!!! anti-trans bills crafted.

The worst part is, I don't even actively seek out this information! The florida memo was something I accidentally found! I actually try to stay away from the news because (especially for trans people) it is SO BLEAK.

Here's an article that illustrates the rise in the crafting of these bills: https://translegislation.com/learn

And, I'm not even touching on whether you personally agree with the bills. That's not a debate I want to have. I don't really care if you personally agree the bills should be passed or if the wording in them seems logical (I feel like it should go without saying, but just to be clear: I don't agree with any of these bills, including the ones about preventing medical care for trans kids).

What I AM trying to impart on you is that the mere fact the bills exist, the mere fact there are SO MANY of them, especially so suddenly, is cause to believe that there is anti-trans sentiment and is very clearly indicative that the states making those bills, by extensions republicans, by extension YOU, MY PARENTS, would prefer that trans people do not exist (I AM A TRANS PERSON), and I do not feel safe in a state that holds a majority of people who who hold those views. I also do not feel safe in a state that borders florida, THE WORST state for these bills and sentiments.

Anyway I don't expect any sort of response from you so don't feel pressured to come up with something. But at least now I can say you have been informed.

(end quote)

He never responded or directly referred to these texts in future conversations, which I expected. These texts were sent in early April. Since then, my parents visited me twice this year, where we decidedly did not talk about politics at all.

However, my relationship with my dad was pretty much gone after these texts. I really did not see a future for our relationship. We were never that close anyway, had never reconciled as much as my mom and I had, and since this conversation (and knowing their voting pattern) I had mostly written off any future relationship with him.

But I resolved to not ACTUALLY do anything about it until the election. I was (perhaps foolishly) thinking they either would vote Harris, or not vote at all, or Harris would win and I could just keep ignoring political discourse with them.

I really did try to see it from their point of view. Did trump have decent economic policies? Maybe there was too much bloat and some branches of government could be drained.

But the people who spoke badly of Trump were vast and kept coming out. Trump's ideas come off as "I'm 14 and this is deep" and while on the surface some of the ideas seemed ok, the people he was appointing to "replace the swamp" seemed, on the whole, absolutely the wrong picks and would definitely make things worse. Not to mention how pretty much the entire world's country leaders ALSO spoke out against Trump, too.

I certainly was no fan of Harris, I thought some of her plans were BS (I consider myself fiscally conservative too, for the record!) but I thought she was certainly better than Trump so I voted for her anyway.

Trump really felt like he had no redeeming factors and all of his cabinet picks that I know about seem just as bad, if not worse, than him. I don't understand what my dad was seeing in them (or hoping for). He said he didn't like trump as a person but he thought Trump would be better than Biden/Harris.

I was hoping that, if trump's policies really weren't that great anyway, maybe... just maybe... he wouldn't vote for trump for me. Because he supposedly loved me. A person who happens to be lgbtq. And his child.

[insert Red Hood monologue about Joker here (specifically 1:53 - 2:09)]

While I do mostly live in a left bubble online, I am in a very red area of a blue state and the lefties I personally interact with are more centrist imo. So I had no illusion about this election. I knew it was going to be very close.

Still heart-breaking to see Trump win, though. Now I actually had to deal with what I'd been putting off for so long: my relationship with my parents.

Emotionally, it would hurt them far more than me. But in every other aspect, it would hurt me more than them.

After 2 days of essentially shock, I decided to ask for my uncle's opinion. My entire family is left except for my parents.

I said (heavily summarized) I'm thinking about excommunicating my parents. Do you have any opinions or advice? He said (heavily summarized) my dad is a lost cause but my mom (his sister) is all he has left and he wants to have a relationship with her. He is angry they voted the way they did but he doesn't think politics are worth sacrificing that relationship. They will continue to have a relationship and continue to not talk about politics with each other.

I said, but how do you expect people to learn if there aren't any consequences specifically to those people? He didn't have a good answer.

My mom calls me every friday. Today is friday. After the talk with my uncle, I decided to just split it up. Compromise.

I texted my mom:

(quote) I'm really upset with the election and your part in it and I'd prefer you didn't call me for a while. If you need to come up for your dad I'll still let you stay here but otherwise I need space. (end quote) [Her dad (who I don't have a relationship with) is currently in the hospital.]

And then, an hour later, I texted my dad: (quote) I'm not going to go out of my way to avoid you in person if you visit again, but I'm not interested in having a relationship with you at all.

I've taken you off my schwab accounts as POA (might not go through until tuesday) and I won't answer any future calls from you.

The only reason mom is not being cut off is because unlike you, I don't think she fully understood what she was voting for. (end quote) Today has hurt a lot, actually. More than I expected. I guess I had reconciled with them a lot more than I thought I Had previously.

I hope I made the right choice.

----

This entry is about me rationalizing my relationship with my parents. Realistically, I personally will likely be unaffected by a Trump presidency. But as I stated in my long text to my dad, it's really not about that. It's about the sentiment that it's acceptable to believe people like me shouldn't exist.

That being said, Trump's policies are absolutely horrid anyway. More specifically I am not looking forward to distrusting my food quality even more than I do currently, nor whatever they're doing with the EPA. Can't wait for our water and air quality to go to shit. Fun times! /s

I think that anti-lgbtq policies are pretty low on the priority list and I'm hoping we'll be mostly forgotten about while they dismantle everything else.

I will personally be insulated from a lot of harm, being in a blue state, passing, post-transition, and a military veteran. At this point I can really only worry about myself, because if I try to worry about other people now I'll lose it.

For everyone else, try to take it one day at a time. Trump doesn't get into office until late January, so you still have time to figure out what you want to do.

Preface

Or, the time I accidentally influenced an entire industry through a survey question (click to read more) In 2015, I created a website called fursuitreview.com (FSR). Fursuits (one of a kind whole body animal costumes) are expensive and it was hard to keep track of makers that didn't have huge followings. I didn't want to run a review page, but only two existed prior to mine. One had died completely several years before, and the other one updated so infrequently it was almost useless (it, too, eventually died after FSR took off). The other two pages were a victim of putting too much work on themselves. The first had several questions reviewers had to answer and assign points. The moderators would average all the points for each review and give the overall review a score out of ten. This ensured consistency in the scores across all reviews. It was an amazing system but it would simply take too long to do myself (plus I'm terrible at math). Both sites were not actually sites - they were user accounts on furaffinity.net (and sometimes tumblr or livejournal) - which required write-ins to copy a big block of text and hope they got the format right (they rarely did, which meant moderators would have to correct it). FSR started out on furaffinity, but very quickly moved to a wordpress website. I thought very carefully on how I would keep manhours and costs down. I decided to not have any user accounts at all, nor would I bother with a numbered rating system (I instead went with a "positive / neutral / negative" system because that's really what everything boils down to anyway). I devised the least amount of questions I could in order to pry the information I wanted out of fursuit buyers when they wrote in. This resulted in two sections: wear satisfaction, and visual satisfaction. Each section had several sample questions to help guide the writer. "Wear satisfaction" was like, do you like how it fits you? how is the ventilation? how is the vision? Visual satisfaction was questions about looks.

Example screenshot of the FSR "wear Satisfaction" questions from 2020+

When people submitted a review, I would read over them all and make sure everything was copacetic before publishing it. Back then (before 2020), I was a one-man operation so I read literally every single review coming in. I noticed that some writers would mention lining in some of the fursuit parts. Most parts are unlined - it's just faux fur and the backing of that will be up against a wearer's skin. Lining is unnecessary and can ultimately make the costume much hotter - but it does make everything look really nice and marginally more comfortable to wear. After a few of these, I added "Does the item have lining?" to the list of sample questions.

Does the item have lining?

Surely nothing bad could happen from such an innocuous question!! (upside down smiley face goes here)

I must take a break here to mention that I had no experience doing literally anything that FSR required to run. I had bought 3-4 fursuits and thought it would be nice to keep track of my opinions of them. Everything else, from coding a website to writing survey questions, I had taught myself. I had some very very basic wordpress experience from a personal roleplaying character wiki wordpress site for myself, but that was it. FSR was a learn by doing experience. And boy, was it an experience. Writing, reading, reviewing, editing, customer service... FSR had me dealing with it all, and I'm surprised it gained as much traction as it did throughout that process.

So, needless to say, I had no idea what "survey bias" was.

Weeks, possibly months, later, I was browsing twitter keeping up with FSR social stuff, when I came across a tweet from a rather well-known maker (I believe it was either beetlecat or beastcub) asking other fursuit makers why customers were suddenly asking for their fursuits to be lined. I wish I had a link to this tweet, but I no longer have a twitter account. (If you happen to find it, do link it in the comments!) It didn't hit me at first. I watched the thread and the responses roll in. As other makers replied, the sense of dread was very slowly overtaking me. Could FSR really have that much influence? Could just a single little sentence really cause so much strife? Yes, it did, and yes... It did. Once I connected the dots, I edited the sample questions. No longer is it simply "Does the item have lining?" Now it is: "If it is lined, what material was used? Does it absorb sweat appropriately? Does it make cleaning easier?" But I went through a few iterations before I got to that wording. I believe my first edit was something like "(Note: most fursuits aren't lined)", but that didn't properly imply that you shouldn't be asking your maker for lining. After this lining snafu, I had to go through all of my questions and determine what I was accidentally influencing, how that could change what customers ask of their makers, and if I really needed that information in the review to begin with. I also, finally, learned about survey bias, and took some time to read up a little more on how to craft survey questions. And, of course, I had to come to grips with the fact that, yes, FSR was big. And it had influence. My little side project was a staple of the community and people counted on it to make very expensive purchases. Maker reputations and business operations began to live or die by the reviews we pulled in. FSR got to be too big and too much stress for me, so I ended up giving full ownership of the site to someone else in 2022 or 2023 (it was a long transition and I'm not sure when the public announcement was made). However, as of today (31 March 2024), fursuitreview.com is still fundamentally unchanged from how I was running it - including the review form. Nowadays, I have nothing to do with the site. I couldn't deal with the stress and responsibility once it grew to be a community cornerstone. Unfortunately, history may be repeating itself with the project I replaced FSR with...

A brief history of BentoVid (and RICE)

I have been editing anime music videos (AMVs) since 2001. I took a hiatus from the community from 2009ish to 2018. Despite that, I still managed to make at least one video every year. In 2018, I tried to get back into the community and realized it had almost completely changed. Discord was a thing now, and it seemed most of the activity was on there. I joined a few servers, but long story short they all weren't great. In a fit of frustration and annoyance, I did the classic move of going "Screw this, I'll do it myself!"

Bender (from Futurama): Fine! I'll start my own chatroom with blackjack and hookers! I glossed over it, but this is exactly how FursuitReview.com also started.

BentoVid (called AMV Sashimi back then) was created in September 2020. Back then, I did have high hopes. I did "plan" (finger quotes) on becoming a large community, but it was like how anyone plans on winning the lottery, you know? You don't actually expect it to happen. I thought that realistically I'd get maybe 30 members and it'd be just a chill hangout spot. But in 2021, we reached the fabled 100 members. Then 200. We broke 400 this year. And outside the very first year, I didn't actively promote. BentoVid has grown purely from word of mouth since 2021. On the other side of Discord was an annual AMV contest related to a particular anime convention. I first joined it in 2019. It was... okay... But not great. 2020 went even worse. The contest was going through a transition period and had a coordinator that, to put it mildly, was not well-liked. The concept behind the contest (which had been running for several years - I think 2005? Possibly even earlier) was great though. It was a contest focused on peer review. All the editors that submitted to the contest were the judges and voted on the winner. It was a blind contest, so nobody knew who made what, but only people who submitted to the contest could view and vote on the videos. The feedback was cruel. People did not hold back. Still, it was helpful, and I excelled my skills a lot by participating. The contest's discord server, however, went unmoderated and the coordinator made some very bizarre decisions. Another "Screw it, I'll do it myself" event occurred. RICE - Rewards imagined by a community of editors - was born by taking that other contest and implementing all the feedback participants had been complaining about for years. February 2021 was the first RICE. I had never run a contest before. Just like FSR (from the preface story), this was a trial by fire. I made at least one huge mistake every year the contest ran. But ultimately people liked RICE, and word of mouth about it (and the server) grew ever faster because of it. I had taken efforts to specifically NOT advertise RICE outside the BentoVid discord server, but that didn't stop it from growing.

4 years of RICE survey data

Partly due to my inexperience and partly due to my history with FSR, I put out RICE feedback surveys at every opportunity. I am actually not that into data. I don't analyze this stuff and I have no particular interest in collecting data at every turn for random things. I just find feedback surveys somewhat convenient and useful for my purposes. Sorry to people who are into that! XD

Pre-RICE survey data from 2021 - 2024

I have a small survey when people submit videos to RICE. It has (mostly) the same questions every year. Vivafringe helped me go through the data, and here are the results. (links to a google sheet) 2021 - 2023, the optional survey was on the same page as video submission questions. In 2024, I finally realized google form sections existed and I put it on a totally different page. I went from a 100% response rate to 58%. What a huge difference! But still inspiring to see so many people went out of their way to answer regardless. Here's my personal takeaways: US vs Non-US I personally thought there were more international editors participating, but it seems to hover around 20%. Do people keep their videos a secret? It looks like most of the survey respondents actually do attempt to keep their videos secret from everyone. However, almost as many people admit at least one person they know who will also be in RICE knows what their video is. I honestly thought it'd be the other way around, with more people sharing betas before RICE, so this is actually pretty cool to see. Thoughts on blind judging This question was multiple choice with only one answer allowed, so they had to choose which meant most to them. Most people seem to appreciate blind judging, but don't go out of their way to keep themselves blind during the event. (~70% combined) A large minority of people admit that guessing who made what during the event is part of the fun for them. (~25%) One possible answer was that blind judging is never truly blind - interesting to note only one person ever selected this and it was in 2023. Main reason for entering RICE? Another multiple choice answer where they had to select the "main" reason. Most people join RICE because they like the BentoVid community. However, almost as many people join because they like peer review. I'm flattered! lol But, in all seriousness, I really expected those results would be flipped, with peer review outranking BentoVid. Categories A multiple checkbox question for which categories your submitted vid belongs to, according to the editor. I mostly only care about theme, coordinator's choice, and live-action. Theme has submissions starting at 18% in 2021 and gradually going up to 29% in 2024. 2023 is an outlier with 39%. Coordinator's choice is very low. 1 - 3 videos. This is mixed news for me. On one hand, I think it's great people don't feel the need to pander to me (or maybe they don't know how). On the other hand... Please pander to me! XD Live-action is something I would like to see more of... The discord server started out as an AMV server and its audience is still mostly AMV editors. But I really want BentoVid (and RICE, by extension) to be about all fanvids and vidding (Hence the name change from AMV Sashimi to BentoVid). Long story short, live-action vids are obviously a very small minority that get submitted (5 - 9 videos each year), but they fluctuate between years. If you like live-action fanvids and want to join an active discord server... Please join us! lol How did you learn about RICE? This question was a small text field people could write whatever they wanted in. No surprise people learned about it from inside BentoVid. Next highest was word of mouth-related answers like "discord," "another discord server" or "friends". A little interesting was when AWA or POE were specifically mentioned (two popular AMV contests), but this was only twice for each.

Post-RICE survey data

2021 and 2022 had a feedback survey, but it was just one text block that asked for comments. Very few people ever filled this out and it was not very actionable feedback. 2023 was the first post-RICE feedback survey with actual guided questions, and it's because 2023 was... quite the year.

Understatement.

What happened during 2023 RICE?

Remember the contest I mentioned that RICE was based on? While RICE was thriving, that contest was floundering. The other contest, which for the rest of this blog I will call "HOST," happens in September - October, while RICE happens in February - March. 2022 HOST was another transition year for them. The old coordinator ("Elder") took over the contest after so many complaints about the coordinator that succeeded them ("Junior"). As far as I know, everyone was happy with Junior's leaving, but unfortunately it wasn't pretty. We weren't kind to Junior. Bridges were burned. Elder had some great ideas on how to bring HOST back up to its former glory days. But, procrastination got the better of them, so the contest started out very poorly. Then, during the contest, they had an extremely public and embarrassing meltdown. A number of people withdrew from the contest because of it. A totally different person ("Kidd") had to take over mid-event. The discord server went through an emergency restructure so Elder didn't have any special permissions anymore. Kidd was an absolute gem and managed to run the rest of the contest on their own very smoothly (Kidd continued through 2024 and deserves accolades). But the already negative reputation of HOST definitely turned into a dumpster fire after that. It was no surprise that RICE got touted as a good alternative. I was expecting more RICE entries than the previous year but. Boy. I was just not prepared. 2023 RICE saw 56 editors and 76 videos. The prior year was only 32 editors and 45 videos. RICE does not scale well. Moreover, I was experiencing horrible health issues at the time and really should have delayed or cancelled RICE due to them. Consequently, some people did not have a good experience with RICE. I thought the entire year was ruined. I made a pretty involved post-RICE survey due to it. This survey was mostly questions with text boxes where people wrote exactly what they were feeling. This made the answers a lot more personal and detailed. I will not be sharing the raw 2023 survey data. The complaints were about:

Too many videos for too short a time period

Some people were rude in the discord when discussing categories

Some people attacked one of the people giving critique in a voice call

I tried to enforce [very badly worded] content restrictions very late into the submission window. This had editors unnecessarily scrambling to re-edit things and ultimately ended up with multiple versions of videos in the contest [which should not have happened and that is entirely on me]

To me, the responses of the 2023 survey looked pretty dire. I immediately made changes to RICE following them. While RICE had started out as an improved version of HOST, I also had wanted the goal to be rewards for BentoVid server regulars. That's why I really didn't want to advertise it outside the server. I also never pinged \@Everyone or made a special role to get updates about it. The intent was if you were around the server, you'd know it was coming, and that was that. I wanted the good peer review and critique so we could all improve. I also wanted to see amazing videos. But what I DIDN'T want - and was (surprisingly!) NEVER concerned with - was lots of randos who didn't care about BentoVid. I explicitly never posted about RICE on a-m-v.org (despite people asking me to), and I never mentioned RICE outside my own server until after 2022 HOST. And even then it was really only in DM or if someone else had brought it up first. I still try to not advertise RICE, but I'm not as tight-lipped as I used to be. Still, it's primarily in DM. But anyway, I'm rambling now - the point is that RICE grew outside of the BentoVid bubble. People were joining RICE who did not care about BentoVid as a whole and I had to figure out how to handle that. My previous RICE messaging of "feedback event but also contest!" was fine for BentoVid regulars. We mostly knew what we liked and understood eachother because we hung out all the time. But for people new to RICE and/or the server, they had no idea and came in with false expectations. My two main takeaways from the 2023 Post-RICE survey were: 1. Because of my health issues and the mass increase of participants, the Discord server went (essentially) completely unmoderated during RICE. Because RICE (and BentoVid) is usually closely moderated, many conversations/debates went on a lot longer than they should have (because no moderators stepped in), which caused a lot of stress for participants. 2. The messaging of RICE was conflicting and led people to false expectations. People were essentially expecting HOST but "run better." "HOST but run better" is an over-generalization of how RICE works. It's actually quite different from HOST, but without the context of being a BentoVid regular, one wouldn't have that information. The first would be solved simply by me being present. Myself and most my staff could not be present during 2023 (honestly I'm surprised RICE ran as well as it did without us. Speaks a lot to our community!). To deal with the second point, I decided to focus on clearing up and changing RICE's messaging. Clearing the messaging had a few purposes:

More clearly differentiate RICE from HOST

Discourage non-regulars from joining without being super exclusionary about it

Discourage overtly competitive people from joining RICE

Encourage feedback-orientated participants

Focus more on accessibility (as RICE already applied VPR to all entries, it made sense to extend accessibility in other ways)

I took the survey responses very seriously, and as such, rushed to make announcements of what the changes would be. I ended up announcing them the same month RICE ended - March. Proof here (that is a discord link). You can read the initial announcement there in the BentoVid server, but I ended up changing things even more, so here's the summary of what the changes ended up being:

Very strict content restrictions (slightly relaxed later)

Focus on feedback event FIRST (took out all mentions of "contest" and "best" on the website, replacing them with "event" and "most-liked" )

No cash prizes at all (previously it was a $175 pool)

More emphasis on what exactly the server culture is like and what you can expect (basically: RICE is stressful, it's full of server regulars, prepare yourself if you're new)

Permanent categories got permanent names (previously everything was able to be voted on and changed)

All winners only get one award (previously there were multiple designs and names made for each award)

We added CWs as well as VPRs into the RICE expectations

Everything possible was outlined on the website. I literally wrote out the schedule and everything that you could expect to happen, how it all worked, etc.

The fallout from 2023 RICE continued throughout the entire year. It seemed negative feelings regarding it rolled out into other issues BentoVid was having (behind the scenes, especially in the staff channels) and overall I was really not feeling great about RICE. I was seriously considering 2024 RICE being the last one I ever ran.

2023 Post-RICE survey analysis

During 2024 RICE prep (which started in October 2023), I went through the 2023 feedback again. I asked some vague questions to random people about how they felt about 2023 RICE, and their answers (most of which were not negative at all) really had me questioning my perception of the entire thing. I gave the 2023 post-RICE survey data to a friend of mine who used to analyze that kind of thing for a living (Vivafringe). I went through the answers and redacted personal information, summarizing answers if necessary, before giving it to him. As part of the analysis, I asked him a bunch of questions and he looked over all the data to answer those questions. Again, I will not share the actual data here (even anonymized), but I will share the analysis he provided. Full disclosure: Viva did participate in 2023 RICE.

Analysis of Negative Experiences

Did more people have a negative or positive time in 2023?

to answer this I didn't do any fancy analysis. I read the responses and just did a vibe check of "negative" (pretty clearly had a bad time), "neutral" (had some things they didn't like, but gave other positive feedback or just in general didn't seem like they gave a shit one way or the other), "positive" ("vars you're the best" type comments) I think "neutral" people, if you actually asked them, would say they had a positive time, but it's hard to say for sure anyway I rated 7/25 negative, 7/25 neutral, 11/25 positive notably a lot of people didn't respond to this survey and the non respondants were likely positive/neutral. So I don't think you should read those numbers and assume 28% of people had a negative experience the overwhelming complaint from basically everyone was too many videos for the time they had - 5/6 people with "negative" feedback were returnees - 2/6 of the people who wanted "competitive" contest had negative opinions. No real signal there I think

I said the complaints about the VCs were really bad though?

I count 4 people that complained about the vcs my takeaway from reading this is basically: - moderate the vcs from now on, advertise them as critique/nice/whatever (you already are doing this but just saying I agree) - if you get 76 vids again, give more time to watch stuff I don't know how you solve chat getting tense, that was another common complaint

Category drama? Context: some people were very vocal about RICE needing fixed categories like typical AMV contests

I read the category stuff and broadly classified them as wanting "fixed" cats, "unfixed" cats, or "neutral" as you might expect most people didn't give a strong opinion on it, 10/25 were neutral 5 people wanted fixed, 6 people explicitly wanted to keep things as it was now (unfixed) if you read "neutral" as support for the status quo, which I do, I think the way you're doing it is fine. especially because a lot of the fixed cat people (3/6) had negative experiences and won't be here this year

I expected a smaller turnout for 2024 RICE. All I was really hoping for were more editors than in 2022 (which only had 32). Editors in 2023: 56 Editors in 2024: 43 (+3 more if we count DQs) A 17 - 23% loss, depending on how you count this. My thoughts: 1. That's not that bad, to be honest 2. If we treat 2023 as an outlier, 2024 is an acceptable and expected amount of growth from 2022. 3. One of the main complaints in 2023 was that there were too many videos, so 2024 numbers are more desirable in this context.

Other data collected from 2023 RICE

While I was mostly concerned about the negative experiences, I thankfully had the foresight to ask some other questions about RICE that gave us some valuable data.

Kollab vs frame.io = kollab wins by landslide

Direction for rice: contest vs feedback = 15/22 say feedback

Will you make an account on a website to do rice stuff? 12/25 say no

basically everyone answered the "what does rice do differently" question with "the feedback is a lot better". So a way to make rice better is to streamline process for providing feedback.

How long people spend on RICE vids:

10/21 (of the people that responded) started working on their rice vid 1 month or longer in advance

the competitive people ("A contest where the best of the best wins") seem kind of in the middle, time wise. 3/6 spent less than 1 month, 2/6 spent 2 months exactly, 1 didn't respond.

there were 8 newcomers, but basically same conclusion. 4/8 started more than a month in advance. 3/8 took a few weeks

Google docs & PSVs RICE offers a google doc with video information instead of trying to put it all in a filename. We also offered detailed VPRs and CWs, and, in some cases, alternate versions of videos that are more friendly for photosensitive users (called PSVs).

3/25 people said they used the VPRs.

18/25 people used the infosheet

4/25 used the CWs

3/25 used PSVs

What about 2024 Post-RICE survey data?