#spookschester

Because no matter what, some day Sam and Dean will die and go to heaven, and Cas will end up back with the host, spending the rest of eternity locked out from the one place he wants to be? And maybe some days, he thinks about falling, just so he can become human and be allowed access to humans' heaven, but he never does it, because after everything he's done, he has too much to atone for, so he has no right to want lasting peace as long as humans - the same humans that Sam and Dean spend so much of their lives saving - still walk the Earth and need protecting? (And maybe also because he doesn't want to live a life where he doesn't remember who Sam and Dean Winchester are?)

she did it to get back at cas obv

spookschester replied to your post:  

no but i actually believe that oops

spookschester replied to your post: i ate the cheesecake i made earlier and it tasted...

:|

Anna in Purgatory (part 2) (part 1)

The only sound is that of water running over stones; not even the crunch of leaves under Anna's feet can be heard. No wind, no rustling of trees, no birds--nothing but the water and her lost little brother.

He's so changed from when last she saw him; the pain and regret and heartache of the last few years has taken its toll, and Anna's heart aches. Fear and anger have been burned out of her a long time ago--Purgatory will do that to you, one way or another--but the human heart inside of her, wrapped in angel's grace, clenches in pain as she watches him from someways away. She holds back, not sure if her presence is welcome, but after an unbearably long moment she can't stop herself from walking toward him.

Castiel turns his head toward her. "Anna...?" His voice is cracked and hoarse, dragged over sandpaper. 

The world might have been kinder to him if he'd fallen, she thinks. Angels could never understand, could never know emotions quite like mortal beings--that experience had been denied to angels by their silent Father. Castiel, though...Castiel, like Anna herself, had been able to feel while still an angel. She remembers what it was like, how the emotions tear at her grace even now, but she wouldn't wish it on anyone else. Better to fall and be human than to be an angel. They'd been soldiers together for so long, and now they're both broken, but still both fighting. War, Anna thinks, is never kind to anyone it touches. Even angels.

"Oh, Cas..." It feels like an eternity since he had looked at her with worry and doubt in his eyes, when he'd told her I don't know what to do. Please, tell me what to do. She knows that there's no way either of them can understand what the other has been through since then, but if nothing else, she wants to help.