#splash 2012

Jill Molli: Loving Guidance Associate

KEYNOTE

Aggression, defiance, temper tantrums

“based on the work of Becky Bailey”

She worked in the classroom and then at night on the weekends she worked in prison.  She stated – I had the difficult kids in the day and their even-more difficult mama’s at night.

We use ourselves up in the day being “nice” to other kids, then we are miserable at home to our own. (this mirrored Shawn Brown’s comment!)

Self regulation is the conscious and unconscious ability to regulate our thoughts, feelings, and actions in service of a goal.

  -Becky Bailey

We think that if we STATE the rule over and over they will internalize it.

She had a good comparison with dieting and weight loss.

What if WW said, you gained a pound, you need to go sit over there.

What if WW said, here’s a tip: don’t eat so much. (Duh!)

Self Regulation success cycle:

One: I am triggered (you are in my spot!)

We need to NOT miss their message!  It’s not about being in the spot! She shared a story about the boots – not about spending the $$ on the boots.  It’s about missing her and him buying the boots bc he was feeling lonely.

Two: I am calm (I try to calm him down)

But I break the self reg cycle bc I jump to I SOLVE too fast

Three: I feel

Four: I choose

Five: I solve

Cycle of Self Sabotage

I blame

I demand/act it out

I medicate (clean, shop, drink, etc)

I bury my feelings

I am stuck (which is why you talk to the kids about the same thing 16 times)

Self regulation assists the child in putting the PAUSE button on and transition to figuring out how to handle the feeling.

If we can’t self regulate, we won’t be able to assist children in doing it!

“Put your mask on before assisting others” (taking a page from the flight attendants)

when you know the child’s trigger:

change the environment

change your response

teach them what to do, and/or

help them handle

How to handle your triggers:

STAR <smile take a deep breath and relax> DRAIN (breathing)

BALLOON (hand over head then breathe)

PRETZEL (hook-up hands)

Use speaker phone and talk to the air and articulate what you do to calm yourself down… the children will respond. Plus they get to see/learn/hear what you do to self-regulate.

Example:  when you turn the lights off, take a big breath – inhale and exhale…

Often we misread their emotions.  We think they are ANGRY but they are often something else.

Stop denying their feelings.

“It’s hard when mom leaves.” Vs. you are OK, she’ll be back soon…

you say, you don’t have time to teach kids this feeling business, but how much time do you waste dragging a kid to time out.

Cranky Cream (literally lotion that she labeled “cranky cream” so when you are cranky you can use the cream

Instead of saying WE AREN’T SAD HERE

You say, this is a place where you CAN be sad, and here are some things you can do to handle it.

Ask for help

Visual routines

Time machine **she said she was going to talk about this, but didn’t get to it**

Just be with the feeling and learn how manage it

Our job is NOT to make them happy, but to assist them in learning how to self regulate.

If you don’t now what you do when you are stressed out – you cannot assist a child in doing it!!!

We judge kids and judge others around us

We want everyone else to manage their own internal emotional state, but we aren’t willing to do it ourselves – this has to happen first!

Celebrating Classroom Challenges

Breakout Session

Jill Molli

  “based on the work of Becky Bailey”

impulse control

the way you get children to stand still (impulse control)

in prison you can’t touch each other

7 skills to solve a problem:

Internal beliefs lead to external skills>>>

Power of …

…perception

…unity

…attention

…free will

….love

…acceptance

…intention

7 skills of discipline lead to external skills:

composure

encouragement

assertive

choices

positive intent

empathy

consequences

discipline is not something you do to children. It is something you develop within them.

-becky bailey

my internal state dictates my behavior

stressed

hurried

hungry

under valued

excluded

= more likely to be hurtful

(more likely to be the one in the lane)

relaxed

organized

loved

heard

peaceful

= more likely to be helpful

(let the person in who rode the shoulder during the construction work lanes)

we are doing it backwards:

Change the emotional state FIRST, then change the behavior (second)

How to make CONNECTIONS with kids:

Eye contact

Touch

Presence

In a playful situation

We withhold love as a punishment because the only sense we can’t live without is TOUCH >> nerve growth factor

If not touched you will literally die.  But we put challenging children to the side.

Connection builds cooperation and wires the brain for impulse control and willingness.

To get buy-in / willingness from the kids we need to be CALM first.

If you don’t think rituals are important, try to blend them (holiday time)

I Love You Rituals

Are kids calling for attention or for connection??

You were gone

And you were missed

Where do you want your welcome back kiss?

Shift perception: from seeing what is wrong to helpfulness

Get rid of the “thank you” and “good jobs”

You scooted over so your friend could have space, that was helpful.

You handed him a crayon so he could finish his project, that was helpful.

You ____________________ so __________________ that was helpful

Friends and family board. Needs to stay up all year.

You leave you pictures up… why do we take the family board down at the end of September??

Dr. Pam Schiller

Brain Research Updates

  Breakout session

Singing>>

Increases O2 and therefore alertness

Increases endorphins which enhance memory

Enhances hemisphere communication which increases attention

Syncs the brain with patterns which help organize thoughts

Environment impacts attention, memory and learning:

Research Finding:

Feeling safe opens the door to learning

Clutter closes the door to learning including VISUAL clutter

Aromas and colors impact attention

Dehydration interferes with clear thinking

Rest allows the brain to defuse and make room for new info

>>>67% of all preschoolers are sleep deprived

Choices motivate learners

Novelty wakes up the brain

Updates:

Enriched environments can raise IQ

IQ fluctuates – not stable until late adolescence

IQ is not fixed at early age and very likely is not a factor of genetic predisposition

Windows for learning close at puberty for most people except for vision which closes at 24 months.

Babies – blurry, 9-14 inches, black/white, not 20/20 until past 2 years old ((is this true??))

Windows of Opportunity (on the handout)

babies can understand 87% of what you are saying

cause and effect is the foundational baseline of all future cog understanding.  Plays a major role in the development of all future thinking skills.  Won’t dev prob solving skills without cause/effect

experiences wire the brain

repetition strengthens brain connection

brain structure and capacity are the result of a complex interplay between genes and the environment

the brain is changing it’s shape VISION and MOVEMENT (occipital area)

higher functioning area has a different topography

social areas have diminished

technology:

positives

sharpens cog abilities

dev quicker reaction to visual stimuli

increases attention for some individuals

increases awareness of images in peripheral vision

Negs:

Diminishes social interactions

Increases irritability and fatigue if used for long period (exhaustion, but not aware of it)

Nurtures “continual partial attention” (multi-tasking and breadth not depth)

What are the professional, social and political impacts?

60 min on the screens decreases social interaction by 30min

Spindle neurons – it used to be thought that humans were the only ones that had them – discovered that apes and whales had them – scary fact of the day >> apes and whales are developing more spindle neurons than humans.  (appear only in highly intelligent mammals and evolved in relation to emerging social behaviors)

There is a predictable process for assisting the brain in channeling stimuli into long term learning – perceptual register process – FILTERS everything except SMELL.

Two things:

Children must feel safe or this register will SHUT down

Children must not be over-stimulated or the register will either SHUT down or will open up and let EVERYTHING in

If the info coming in is of HIGH INTEREST the register will let it in

The more senses that were engaged in bringing the info in will let more info in

The brain is more like a filter than a sponge

Intentional instruction optimizes learning.

FOCUSED

Questions

Interesting statements

Photos

DEVELOP

Tap into prior knowledge

Point out likenesses and differences

Identify patterns

PRACTICE

Hands-on

Follow the lesson as close as possible

REFLECT

How will I use this info?

How has my thinking change?

Be conscious of  assisting them in talking and verbalize

They can’t organize the answer – no internal dialogue yet.

Physical activity stimulates the body to create a hormone that acts as miracle-gro for brain

Spontaneous hand movements are not random – they refect our thoughts

Hands-on explorations contribute to critical thinking skills: making distrinctions, recog relationships, organiz systems and taking on multiple perscpectives

Exercise leads to deeper cog understanding

The tools of the mind and mind in the making skills are more important than IQ

Social wiring is highly dependent on adult interaction

Mirror cells

Spindle cells

>>leads to empathy

Children need adults who are “fully present”